Horrid ds (very sad)(10 Posts)
Please be kind to me - im hurt (physically).
Last night after collecting ds3 from youth group I slipped on some ice fell backwards into a puddle of icy water....twisting my ankle,hurting my arm and wacking my head .
Got home went upstairs to change feeling a bit shook up - ds2 is lay on my bed on the phone.
Ds2 youll have to go out I need to get changed.
why should? why didnt you just fucking stay out?
and then he banged out.
(ds2 has an illness that does make him v tired and moody so a lot of the time we bend and make allowances although his language his being addressed and he is always being told its not acceptable)
so I get changed and hobble back downstairs.
Ds2 oh so your not in the bedroom now?
me- no i fell over all my clthes were wet and i needed to change thats why i said you had to leave my room.
Oh I fucking hate you,im glad you fell and its good your hurt I dont fuckin care.
Now i have posted before at how dh is far more lenient with ds2 but even dh had words with ds2 but im just sad - I went to bed quite early but could hear dh and ds2 laughing downstairs (not at me) but i thought when hed had a sleep hed regret saying it .....this morning? .....he completely blanked me.
I know hes a teen and I know theyre moody things but this was a little more dont you think?.
Firstly, his illness is a reason not an excuse. There is no excuse for his behaviour!
He is a child. Do not give into him. I would not tolerate that behaviour from anyone. DC1 is ADD and knows what is and is not allowed behaviour wise (as was my sister and she is ADHD).
Tell him that what he said and did was wrong. Would he like it if you spoke to him olike that? Tell him that you are upset and disappointed in his behaviour. Do not yell. Just speak in a tone that conveys your feelings.
tell him that with age comes responsibility and privilidge. If he cannot act in a suitable manner then take away his privilidiges. Phone, money etc
And I hope you are feeling better this morning.
This is NOT normal. Your son should in no way speak to you like that.
I don't care if he gets tired and moody, he can smal doors and huff and puff like other tired and moody teenagers.
Refusing to get out your room, swearing at you, saying he hates you?
And WHAT is your DH doing being so lenient with him. Your son is being a horrible and rude little git and your DH laughs and jokes with him after you have retreated to bed?
If I were you I would be absolutley zero tolerance. No phone, no laptop, no X box, no money until he speaks to you with respect. And your DH needs to back you to the hilt on this one.
There is no excuse I know,however dh bends and bends and so its v difficult for me to remain strict.
I did take his phone last night he said he wouldnt give it me so i said ok ill fone and report it lost they will cancel your sim and youll have no phone at all - so he gave his phone to dh.
hes a unpleasant kid at times - i feel sad saying that i love him to bits i just dont actually like him.
Back me?? he wont do that - he idolises ds2 at cost of ds1 and ds3 (thats a whole other thread though).
He was more supportive than usual last night though.
Surely your DH idolising DS2 is very relevant here.
a) DS2 thinks he's god
b) DS2 thinks daddy's wonderful and you're the baddie
This sucks. Nothing will change unless you have serious words with your husband about presenting a united front where rules and manners are concerned and he should not stand by and watch you being undermined. Disgraceful.
And I'd have a quiet word with your son about how angry and hurt you are, and tell him you will not be picking him up from youth club in future - his father can do it if he likes, but you won't be a doormat/slave for someone who treats you with such a lack of respect.
Can I ask how old all your children are. How do DC1 & 3 react when DS2 treats you like this?
Have you told your DH that he is not doing DS 2 any favours allowing this behaviour. This is not going to help him turn into a very nice adult. He could end up treating his wife the way he treats you.
Can I be nosey and ask how your DH treats you when DS 2 is not in the picture. Is it similar as he is not showing much respect for you to allow DS2 to treat you in such a manner.
My DS1 is a very stroppy almost 14 year old, but please don't let anyone be convinced that this is any way normal teenage behaviour. Yes they canm all be horrid, but when their mum is hurt, most would have some compassion. I'm sorry you're having such an awful time with no support from DH. Although you could try and use this as a turning point. He clealrly crossed a line for DH last night too.
I hope your ankle is ok too
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