dh just doesn't understand.....(6 Posts)
...teenagers. He just doesn't have the understanding and patience for them when they become difficult teens?
Anyone else got a dh or partner like this,how do you cope? does it cause rows because you both parent differently?
Yes yes and yes!
My DH is a decent man..and loves his kids to bits.. but he really hasn't grasped the concept of 'pick your battles'!!! He strops over things that (IMO) just aren't worth the hassle.. untidiness, grunting, having to ask them 20 times to do stuff... he gets REALLY grumpy!
It drives me nuts because while I would LIKE my teens (all four of them) to be tidy, articulate and to leap up to do the dishwasher... frankly I'm glad they still talk to me, give me a hug, care about their disabled brother.. etc etc!
One of my teens (DS1) has been 'tricky' ..lots of issues over between age 12-16 , tho he's improving now and DH would get into ridiculous arguments over the small stuff, which left him at a loss when we had wayy bigger worries with him. In the end I took over .. ONE of us had to be the person to deal, and things improved. It was either that or I moved out! DH used to resent it if I 'took their side', as he saw it. I wasn't, and I have always dealt quite firmly with issues, but I ended up making it clear that I am their mother, and if DH was being unfair (often was/is) then I WILL back them up .
Hasn't always made me popular but the kids are now 18,17,16 and 13 and we are still together...
It is tough tho!
i have but so far not a problem, be back in 4 years....
We all call DH "Victorian Dad" because he wants to take a hard line on everything. DD1 was a complete pain and I always seem to be negotiating on her behalf to have ridiculously harsh punishments (that I was supposed to enforce) withdrawn. The younger two are much less trouble (17 and almost 14) but DH can still be very black and white about things. Yesterday he was moaning about DD2 revising with music on when he thinks she should be doing it in silence I am just pleased that she has started her revision early enough.
Oh yes, yes, yes!!!
DD1 caused us a whole lot of problems and I even got to the point of feeling it would be better if I was just left alone to get on with it!!
However, on a good note DD2 has never been such a problem, but with recent bad times with DD3 DH has suddenly seemed to grasp all the teenage parenting bit and has actually been the reasonable, calm one when I have felt like screaming like a banshee!
So things should be looking up for DS (14) and DD4 (13)
YYY here too! sometimes I think it's too much testosterone on both sides: DS1 and DH. DH normally very calm and very loving but does get as stroppy over poor table manners, dirty washing/towels left on floor, hoework 'forgotten' til 10.30 at night, etc. DS1 has always been tricky and is tricky ++ now he is a teenager but he's OK really. I think Dads find it hard to see them getting all independent and grown up.
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