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dd seeing older boy!

(13 Posts)
billie50 Sat 20-Nov-10 00:32:15

just found out from dd3 that she is seeing a 20 yr old boy, she is 5 weeks from her 16th birthday, have met this boy and if hadnt been told he was 20 wouldnt have put him there, have spoken to them about waiting till she 16 am i being silly as its so close?. she has been sexually active and taken care of contraception and taken tests without having to be told, and normally has a good head on her shoulders, but age difference is nattering me would appreciate any helpfull advice

scurryfunge Sat 20-Nov-10 00:36:47

I would be concerned about the age gap. Why isn't he interested in his peers? Is he particularly immature? If so, that would ring alarm bells with me.

However, the more unsuitable the pairing, the more desirable it will be. You need to monitor her with this relationship, to ensure she is not being taken advantage of.

Niceguy2 Sat 20-Nov-10 08:19:07

mmm. Difficult one.

I remember when my sister was 15. She went out with a guy of 25! shock

My parents went ballistic and I had to peel them from the ceiling. Eventually I managed to persuade them to let things play out on the principle that if they forbid her etc then all that would happen is that she would hide it better and continue to see him. My sister is/was always very sensible overall.

In actual fact they went out for 3 years. In the end what broke them up was when she went to Uni, he wanted to get married etc (he was 28 by then) and she woke up to the fact her life was just starting.

So I'd say if DD is sensible then I'd let things play out.

As for why he's interested, isn't it obvious? Most young lads love the kudos of having a young lady on their arm. Scratch that. Most MEN love having a younger lady on their arm!

ConstanceFelicity Sat 20-Nov-10 08:33:02

I was with a 26 yr old when I was 15.

Though I can't imagine being very happy about it if this were my child, it was an ok relationship and I look back at it fondly. Though, when I look back I think what the hell was he doing messing about with me, I do think that I looked and acted a lot more mature than me.

billie50 Sat 20-Nov-10 10:28:45

thanks scurryfunge am definetly monitoring them lol she is youngest of 7 so has plenty of advisors

Niceguy2 thanks, didnt want to go "ballistic" as i know from experience this keeps them together even if they dont want to be, her brothers and sisters say to let it play out too as she's very adult minded and responsible, he is very shy and is also a friend of one of her brothers

ConstanceFelicity ,its nice to know im not on my own with this sort of thing

thanks all of you x

EarthMotherImNot Sat 20-Nov-10 10:38:05

When I was 14 going on 15 I met someone age 19. My parents thought he was the devil incarnate, put on earth to snare their firstborn.

When I was 21 and after an on off courtship, we married. That was in 1974 and we are still very much togethersmile

billie50 Sat 20-Nov-10 11:44:16

EarthMotherImNot : thanks hun its good to know that it can work out for them

robino Sat 20-Nov-10 11:52:31

I went out with a 26 yr old at the age of 16. My mum took the route of "if I forbid it, it'll make it worse" and allowed the relationship to continue with some ground rules. I'm now 33. We are expecting DC3 in February and are very happy.

billie50 Sat 20-Nov-10 13:32:54

robino : i can see her point lol, have already discussd ground rules with them both, so will see how it runs from here

congrats and good luck with your expected little one

lollipopshoes Sat 20-Nov-10 13:37:22

Your dd sounds very mature and responsible and perhaps she finds boys of her own age immature and not in the slightest attractive.

You say she is the youngest of 7 so that also implies to me that she is mature for her age.

Obv monitor the relationship, but I think that you need to accept that, if I'm right about her maturity (and you'll know better than me) she is actually old enough for this relationship to have a chance of succeeding.

What about the bloke? If he was closer to her age would you think he was suitable for her?

MeowyChristmasEveryone Sat 20-Nov-10 13:42:48

The fact that he is a mate of her brother is also good - bro will have had a word, or will be prepared to if necessary.

Also, he's shy, you say?! Probably took all his nerve to ask her out in the first place. Can't see him ruining things by going too fast now.

billie50 Sat 20-Nov-10 13:58:47

lollipopshoes : she is very mature for her age, and to be honest the lad is really nice, hes polite too which is a plus,

MeowyChristmasEveryone : she has 4 brothers to step in if necessary, we've all discussed it and they've all met him now , so will leave them to it ( up to a point lol ),

thankyou all so much for your in put its helped to put it into perspective for me

rationality Fri 03-Dec-10 13:26:24

Billie50 - he may be nice... but books and covers?

I'm a 20-year old boy at university - one of the things girls' parents would comment when I came over for dinner was that I was very polite, mature, helpful etc.
We still did a lot that the girls parents would not have approved of (I'm talking about since I was sexually active - from 14, and I'm not exactly proud but not ashamed).

He's 20 and she's 15. That's a large age gap, and the two of them will (or at least should) have very different desires from life.

Why is he not dating his own peer group?

At that age gap I can tell you from experience, it's normally just sex. There's rarely (and if you're an example to the contrary I applaud you) scope for the relationship to develop significantly.

I'm going to be a protective father, I know, but take it from a guy who knows what's in guys heads (no matter how polite we seem).

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