housing for teenagers

[sidmuttley]

My 19 year old daughter has become too much for me to handle, her violent outbursts and temper are affecting my much younger children and myself too much. I have come to the end of my tether and asked her and her very lovely boyfriend to leave. I wrote them an eviction letter hoping that the local 'council' might help them as she is in full time education and he only works part time. Neither of them have any savings and have been told that the authorities will not help them with housing, they've looked at an affordable flat and were told that even though they had the deposit money they would also need a guarantor, I am a single parent on a low income and would not qualify to do this, her father is unlikely to help. What can I do? Are there any organisations that can advise me please? I really am desperate to resolve this situation and do not wish to see either of them out on the street, however I cannot continue to be verbally and physically attacked by her.

[Littleblue]

You have done the right thing Sid..you cannot live with violence..spoken as you rl bestie..((hug))

[Littleblue]

if anyone can advise?..very stressed family here

[WhyHavePets]

Sounds awful for you all, well done for trying to sort it out in the face of adversity and trying to protect your relationships!

Right, have you tried shelter? I am a bit duspicious about the LA advice and shelter may be able to tell you more. As she is over the age of 18 I would expect that she will be entitled to HB and WTC as her BF is working. You can ring the tax credit helpline or look online for a bit more info. Also you can try entitledto.com and put in all their details to get an idea what help, if any they could get.

[WhyHavePets]

duspicious suspicious!

[lazymumofteenagesons]

Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help. How old is boyfriend and where is he living now.

[sidmuttley]

thanks for the advice, will ring shelter asap. her boyfriend is 21 and has also been living with us here, he has 2 p/t jobs, one for 15 hours pw and one for 4 hours pw. i have been trying for the last 2 years to keep the family together, but its so hard, i decided that i couldn't continue to live this way as my younger children are actually scared of her and the atmosphere in the house is awful all the time. i initially felt like a terrible mother but thanks to my rl friends i've realised that i have no choice. they've gone to stay at his nan's at the moment, for how long i dont know. thanks so much for all the advice though, i really didnt know where to turn and my rl friend littleblue insisted i try posting on here, I'm so glad i listened to her :)

[Ineed2]

I have been in a similar sitution to, when I asked Dd1 to leave she ended up sofa surfing for a while. She and her boyfriend did get a cheap flat to rent after a few weeks. It was really hard not to take her back but it was damaging everyone.

It turned out ok, she now has a 2 yr old daughter a nice rented house a decent job and a new boyfriend. She needed to grow up very quickly and staying at home was not helpin her.

You have to do what you have to do to save the rest of your family. She is not a kid anymore and your job bringing her up is done, she needs to go out into the world and find her own way.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

[sidmuttley]

I'm so sorry to hear your situation maryz, I really thought I was alone in all this, that surely other kids were not so troublesome that their parents would consider evicting them. I've tried to hide alot of her behaviour from my friends and family, but my closest friend knows everything and pointed out that the behaviour is actually a form of domestic abuse, apparently the social services were very helpful when she rang on my behalf, were happy to talk to her even though she wouldn't disclose my name or details. I never thought I would get to this point. It's just been brought home to me how her behaviour has affected the other two as dd2(nearly 11) has just raged at me for sending her to bed early, slammed her fists on the table and advanced on me in a totally aggressive manner which was far too similar to dd1's behaviour for comfort.
Ineed2-I'm very heartened to hear your story, everything you've said is exactly what my bestie has said to me. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. :)

[scurryfunge]

the foyer

[Littleblue]

I don't know everything Sid..but Mn was a lifeline to me at various points..we are all here for each other and OMG you can have a giggle in here too..love you girly,your a bloody awesome mum..loveya

[sidmuttley]

you know pretty much everything, you know the history, how she's treated all of us, including her bf. as always, you were right, i wish i'd come on here ages ago....i bow to your superiorness....rofl.....love you too.

[sidmuttley]

thank you for the foyer link, i will ring them tomorrow also, they look very promising :)

[Littleblue]

Sometimes you have to make some awful decisions for your families wellbeing as a whole..and like Ineed2 said..she's an adult now...needs to walk her own path..and dd2 needs to watch you establish that violent behaviours are not to be tolerated,or indeed in anyway acceptable..for her own future ..all will be well beautiful

[sidmuttley]

i just spoke to dd2 re her behaviour, told her that it wasnt acceptable etc, she apologised and said she loves me. i actually feel for the first time that there's a chance things will be right. i know it's time for dd1 to go, in that sense it feels right, just the manner in which this has happened isn't what i would have planned,had hoped it would be more of a fun thing, going out shopping for curtains and stuff like that....lol

[Littleblue]

Mary..what makes you think he will be dead within a year?..if you don't mind my asking...

[Littleblue]

Sid..dd1 never goes the traditional route with anything eh..lol

[WelshCerys]

Would it be worth finding out about a Foyer - a national network of " integrated learning and accommodation centres providing safe and secure housing, support and training for young people aged 16 - 25."

Had a quick look on google and the national website has contact details of them - seem to be all over the UK.

You are absolutely right to take this approach - tough love, call it what you will. Your younger kids needs your absolute protection.

Be good to yourself.

[scurryfunge]

I have experience of dealing with some of the youngsters occasionally who live in the Foyer.

Provided they can commit to training/education it is a good alternative to hostels and there are staff on site to assist the youngsters.

The young people come from very mixed backgrounds -some troubled who do not have any support. In my opinion the Foyer is a good stepping stone to independence.

They have strict policies on drugs, violence and will cooperate with police to prevent undesirable activity on site.

The one I have knowledge of has purpose built bedsit rooms with communal kitchens.

[Littleblue]

Oh they sound amazing..

[sidmuttley]

They do sound incredible, I will be ringing my local one tomorrow for definate. Mary, I know how you feel, except for dd1 it's people she attacks more than 'things' although we've had the occasional glass thrown and the knife drawer will never be the same. I've seen more bruises on her bf than I would ever wish. Thankfully she has never turned on the lil ones, but it's something I'm aware could happen. Dd1 favours controlling behaviour. And yes littleblue, she will never be traditional.