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12 year old boys and porn...gawd

(33 Posts)
patz Wed 06-Oct-10 12:18:21

I have just discovered my son has been looking at porn on his computer, I am horrified and need to speak to him about it. How should I approch it though. Any ideas??

feedmenow Wed 06-Oct-10 12:21:13

No suggestions I'm afraid, but I'm hanging around to hear any wise words from others!

JannerBird Wed 06-Oct-10 13:02:23

I had a similiar situation but with my 13yo DD. I too was horrified. I told my DD that I knew what she was looking at and explained that sexual curiosity is a normal and natural thing but that porn on the internet is nasty and that sex isn't like that in RL.

We then spent some time looking at sexual health websites for young people where she could find any answers she needed. Finally, I installed a Family Safety program onto her computer which blocks access to porn and enables me to monitor what she is looking at.

Seems to have worked! So far . . .

patz Wed 06-Oct-10 13:06:11

Thanks JannerBird! Will be sorting security out today. Didn't bother before as very stupidly thought ds was too young to be curious yet

JannerBird Wed 06-Oct-10 13:16:24

I know patz! Silly us eh? Although I was horrified at the thought of what she had seen, I was more upset by the thought that she activily typed these things into google.

We have since had more discussions around this as she has a boyfriend (yikes!). However, when I asked her what 'going out with someone' actually meant it seemed to be nothing more than standing next to each other at school and changing their relationship status on facebook!

Good luck with your DS.

fluffyellowbird Wed 06-Oct-10 17:46:13

A chat would probably sound better from his Dad

You need software to stop kids accessing sites. They will all do it, and chat with strangers. My 16 yr old admitted she did years ago. A few years ago we would be shocked by what kids can access. I frightens me how sexualised even mainstream content is these days. Our young folk are being corrupted

There is an anti-porn website run by men, which was featured on radio 4. You can get the link from googling 'womens hour' and 'porn'

sethstarkaddersmum Wed 06-Oct-10 17:52:31

this one?

fluffyellowbird Wed 06-Oct-10 19:35:24

That's it

The site is possibly a bit mature for the OP's son, but at least there is a male resource that speaks out against it, which is totally refreshing.

Pixie83 Thu 07-Oct-10 10:48:20

patz I know 12 seems young to be 'curious' but IME it's not - we found evidence in search histories on our PC when DS was that age (and like you, we then finally got around to putting security on the PC!) - and speaking to other mums at school, etc, it seems that's around the age the 'curiosity' starts.

I was really shocked - DH took it much better than me and had a quiet 'chat' with DS about it. Left up to me I would have probably freaked out at him at the time, which I realised afterwards would have been a big over-reaction.

DH's take on it was - at that age he was 'curious' too, but back then you had to sneak a look at your friend's dad's porno mags behind the bike sheds, or make do with page 3. If computers had been around then, they would have been the obvious place for 'curious' and computer-savvy boys to look, just as they are now.

One tip (tho not possible if you have laptops, I suppose..) is that we now have our home PC set up in the dining room, in full view of everyone. The children don't have pc's in their bedrooms, so there's no 'sneaky surfing' anyway. However if you sort out the security side, I suppose you're pretty safe anyway.

fluffyellowbird Thu 07-Oct-10 12:07:35

I agree that TV (too much sex stuff on in the wee hours) and computer in kids rooms is an absolute no-no

Lemonylemon Thu 07-Oct-10 14:45:01

I have K9 Bluecoat on my PC, together with the usual parental controls on the PC itself. The other thing to look out for is high usage of his mobile phone. My DS was phoning sex chat lines on his.....

patz Thu 07-Oct-10 21:25:18

Thanks guys. I have now sorted the secutity and had a really good and mature chat with DS. He says he was curious to see what the boys at school were raving about and thought if he didn't know what they were talking about he would look stupid. He was suprisingly relieved that he could no longer access the demon porn so disaster averted....for now!!

Ouma Tue 19-Oct-10 23:13:19

My DS typed "naked ladies" into Google several years ago and with one click he was on a hard-core porn site - I discovered this from the history. We have used Contentwatch ever since - brilliant. But my problem now is how to prevent the same thing happening on his mobile phone. Does anyone have any knowledge of this? I thought the phone companies were going to set up a default bar on adult content (which adults could have lifted)

michelle16 Thu 21-Oct-10 16:58:17

Your son might be maturing faster. It's natural to be "interested" in the opposite sex and how his body works.

Maybe get his dad to have a wee chat with him?

LollipopViolet Fri 22-Oct-10 17:55:15

RE: phones, some companies (o2 I know does this) has security built in. I've tried to access perfectly safe sites (but which have ads on) and been told they're restricted until I phone up and confirm my date of birth (am 20!). I've not done it yet as I don't use the net much on my phone.

Just something to bear in mind, or look into/ask about.

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 22-Oct-10 18:02:32

Close eyes, plug ears, always knock and ensure constant supply of kleenex.

They all do it.

WingDad Fri 22-Oct-10 19:33:09

Absolutely invaluable advice from Katie there, knocking will be your lifeline for about 10 years now grin

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 22-Oct-10 19:36:51

And putting the bedsheets in the wash WITHOUT examining them or touching them (I use tongs)because it will only lead to heartache (and gagging).

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 22-Oct-10 20:17:16

...Or sniffing them.....

WingDad Sat 23-Oct-10 01:18:34

Hahahahaha, lovely.

I'm starting to experience this with our eldest being 12. My wife has already told me she's found a little more than she bargained for when washing DS1's bed clothes recently. Not gonna lie, I wish she hadn't told me.

Charming <Now where's that puke emoticon....>

KatieScarlett2833 Sat 23-Oct-10 11:37:11

DS is nearly 14 so am veteran of crispy sheets (boak).grin

vinvinoveritas Sat 23-Oct-10 11:46:22

shock I am looking at DS with horror- he is 9 months ... <googles boarding schools> grin

fortyplus Sat 23-Oct-10 11:48:20

My 2 are 15 and nearly 17. Told them from about age 12 that dh is licence holder for our broadband so if they looked at dodgy sites he'd be the one to get into trouble.

Other than that - firewall screens the worst. All kids get curious at about age 12 - I wouldn't worry about it unless you want to take the female exploitation approach.

At 12 they still view it with horrified fascination rather than wanting to get physical themselves.

My 2 chat fairly openly about sex - ds1 even asked me if I'd ever had anal sex! shock

KatieScarlett2833 Sat 23-Oct-10 11:48:49

Sorry vinvin, stepping over to the teenage section is dangerous for new mums, this thread should have an age limit, like violent movies.

Eglu Sat 23-Oct-10 11:53:16

I'm with you vinvinoveritas but DS1 is 7, and getting way too close to all of that.

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