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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Daughter set up tumblr anorexia site

18 replies

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 09:16

Just found a site on history on our computer by my daughter - says its all our fault, cause we shout at her etc all the time, I am desperate - what should I do/say not say?

things have been pretty bad between her and myself for a while, says she can never love anyone because she doesn't know what it feels like to be loved

I am beside myself

OP posts:

Report

BooBooGlass · 18/09/2010 09:20

You need to speak to someone, and quickly I would say. Set up much stricter parental controls on the PC and allow her only on it when in your sight. Try calling BEAT website here and book in to see your GP next week, either with or without her. Anorexia is a difficult thing to deal with and I don't envy the parent who has to tbh (there is a lot of anorexia in my family).
When you say she says 'it's all your fault' what does she mean? IS she diagnosed as anorexic? How old is she?

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 09:26

15 - she has just set it up

she says she can never be in love as we don't show her love

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BooBooGlass · 18/09/2010 09:32

That's neother here nor there. Typical teenage spiel designed to hurt you. If she has, or you suspect she has, anorexia then you need to get help for her, and the sooner the better. Bear in mind, she doesn't have to be skeletally thin to have a problem with food.

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 09:40

BooBooglass

she hasn't added any of her friends as she doesnt want anyone to see it, I dont think its a site for her to show to anyone if you know what I mean, she has a separate tumblr one with her friends added, she does appear to be depressed - very quiet etc

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BooBooGlass · 18/09/2010 09:43

So is it pictures of her, or just pictures she's found on the internet? Regardless, you need to be supervising her internet access. The last hting she needs is pro ana websites, which by the sounds of it, she's probably already discovered. I'd be more concerned that she was sharing it with people on there than her real life friends. I think you should make some time today to have a proper talk with her.

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 09:46

Yes I will thank you for all replying so quickly I don't think I have ever felt this upset

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Notquitegrownup · 18/09/2010 09:54

Fimac - no real expertise here but I did want to echo what BBG says about this being typical teenage talk, although it does give you an insight into how she is feeling, or at least how she thinks she is feeling - which is just as real to her. If you can, separate out in your mind what she has said, from the issue of possible anorexia and her website, then you can deal with them separately.

On a slightly positive note, the fact that you have found the site means that you can focus on your relationship with your daughter now in a different way. I'm sure your heart is saying that you would rather not have seen it, but on the other hand, it can provide you both with a new start . . . .

Are you going to be able to tell her that you have seen it?

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 09:57

No I don't think I will tell her atm as Iike you said it gives me an 'in' as to how she is feeling, not sure what I can say though to start the convo, will probably say she appears down atm

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BooBooGlass · 18/09/2010 09:58

In the gentlest way possible, if this is the worst you've ever felt, please try and understand that this is about your daughters feelings. If you feel bad, just imagine what she is goign through. Parents have a tricky time with teenagers anyway, and anorexics can be the most infuriating people in the world. Please do not go in, all guns blazing, tellign her how upset this makes you. Of course, tell her that you are worried about her, but the kind of shouty, 'look at what you are doing to me' approach will be counter productive. Can you organise a quiet day out for the two of you?

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 10:10

Just been upstairs with her and did exactly as you have said and hadn't read this ^ reply! she said she is fine, not sure what to do now

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BooBooGlass · 18/09/2010 10:18

A 10 minute conversation isn't goign to cut it. Do you really think that's enough? And that she will just spill her guts? Nope, it's never that simple. You need to start having a more open relationship, making it clear that she can come to you whenever, and demonstrating that you have time for her, and won't judge. What does she like doing?

fimac1 · 18/09/2010 10:30

yes I feel we never talk, well talk about important stuff, shopping?, swimming, music......

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donkeyderby · 18/09/2010 23:35

A lot of anorexia in my family and I echo the advice above to consult BEAT alongside trying to make inroads into talking. The shopping etc., can be a way to spend time with her without pressurising her into heavy conversations, and trying to pick up on what might be going on inside her head. Best of luck

nottirednow · 19/09/2010 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fimac1 · 19/09/2010 12:17

Yes I think she does get quite a bit of pressure and its something I am trying to manage better, very bright girl but doesn't always try her hardest or manage her time with school work well, just told me she has a Maths Mock GCSE tomorrow after me allowing her a sleepover yesterday

She seems happier today but will follow up beat thanks

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twentyoneagain · 21/09/2010 13:53

fimac1 - if you suspect anorexia at all then get help and advice now. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. My DD developed anorexia at easter this year and believe me it spirals out of control quicker than you would have thought possible. Please do not delay but be careful of counsellors. Some do not understand the need for action and simply waste time looking for underlying reasons for the eating disorder. That has to come a bit later - firstly make sure she is eating.

www.feast-ed.org/ This site is fantastic for advice if your DD does have an eating disorder.

I'm not trying to frighten you but early intervention can save much misery.

Kathy2012 · 26/11/2012 08:20

I'm an ex anorexic. I run a blog for those suffering from Eds and their loved ones. Please check it out: www.beatingeatingdisorders.com You can find my step by step guide to recovery on there.

Kathy2012 · 26/11/2012 08:21

I'm an ex anorexic. I run a blog for those suffering from Eds and their loved ones. Please check it out: www.beatingeatingdisorders.com You can find my step by step guide to recovery on there.

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