AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos

[Carolinesyear]

My best friend is getting married in the summer and it's to be the dream wedding, she is taking it all very seriously. She is to have 4 bridesmaids one of whom is her fiancé's sister, said sister loves body art and they have been getting progressively larger and more over the top, the latest one is HUGE, takes up her entire arm, it is a coloured one of a celebrity (I attach a photo of a similar tattoo but not the same, just for scale)
My friend wants to ask her future SIL to cover her arms for the wedding as she thinks they'll ruin the photos, ie with a sleeved dress or belero. I feel this is a bit bride-zilla of her but kind of get her point about the photos. I thought this would be an interesting Mumsnet question
Is she being unreasonable?
Hehe let rip!

[Zarene]

Good Lord that's hideous.

A diplomatic way out would be choosing a sleeve with dresses for all the BMs, so it's covered up but her DS doesn't feel singled out.

[LubaLuca]

I imagine the bride is choosing the bridesmaids' dresses, so she'll just have to pick something with sleeves.

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

If she does this her future SIL could be really offended and it could ruin their relationship .

Unless your friend doesn't mention it at all and puts every bridesmaid in the same long sleeved dress or bolero.

[pinkyredrose]

She shouldn't ask her to cover her tattoos, she either wants her there or she doesn't. Surely the best way round it would be to have all bridesmaids dresses long sleeved etc, that way she won't be singled out.

[pinkyredrose]

Great minds think alike!

[toastofthetown]

If she feels strongly she will need to get long sleeved dresses for all bridesmaids or ask that this woman step down from being a bridesmaid. She can't single out one bridesmaid and ask her to dress differently. From the sounds of it this woman has had tattoos for longer than the wedding has been planned so it's not like it's a surprise.

[Soubriquet]

She is being unreasonable

Those tattoos are a part of her SIL now. It would be like telling her not to wear glasses or having to dye her hair a particular colour for her own benefit

[Carolinesyear]

All the bridesmaids were to pick their own dresses but all to be shades of blue and white. I've already got mine but it does happen to have sleeves

[Goblina]

I love tattoos and have many.

But I wouldn't want a badly done portrait of the late paedo MJ in my wedding photos!

[dunkaccino]

Would long gloves work?

[SummerHouse]

Similar tattoo as in same person, or different person. Not sure I would want Michael Jackson in my wedding pics. Happy if Harry Potter wanted to come.

[Starcaller]

It's not actually MJ is it? OP just said she chose that one for scale. It's just an unnamed celebrity.

[AosSi]

The simplest way around this is probably for everyone to buy long sleeved dresses. If they've already bought short sleeved dresses, the bride can just take the lost money on the chin...I presume she's paying for the outfits.

[SunLovingMum]

Personally, I don’t like tattoos abd I do often see ladies looking lovely at various events abd then see a large tattoo or sleeve. Cannot help but think what a shame. Very much detracts. Something this big will certainly be bringing everyone’s eye to the tattoo. But in this day and age we’re supposed to be very accepting and not acknowledge that these actually don’t look very nice to the majority of the population so as not to offend anyone looking so ridiculous. So no, your friend should not ask her to cover up the tattoo. Rather, she should ensure all the bridesmaids wear sleeves. Just hope it isn’t too hot that day.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

She can’t ask her to hide them- she’s chosen someone who has tatts, end of.

[Carolinesyear]

Hehe it's not M.J but not someone like the usual Marilyn Monroe. Think... mr bean. I don't want to be too specific as I'm worried it gets outed somehow

[toastofthetown]

@Carolinesyear

All the bridesmaids were to pick their own dresses but all to be shades of blue and white. I've already got mine but it does happen to have sleeves

In that case this bridesmaid might already have bought a short sleeved dress.

The bide has to decide whether having no tattoos in wedding photos are worth the potential fallout and upset with her future sister in law.

[Soubriquet]

@SunLovingMum

Personally, I don’t like tattoos abd I do often see ladies looking lovely at various events abd then see a large tattoo or sleeve. Cannot help but think what a shame. Very much detracts. Something this big will certainly be bringing everyone’s eye to the tattoo. But in this day and age we’re supposed to be very accepting and not acknowledge that these actually don’t look very nice to the majority of the population so as not to offend anyone looking so ridiculous. So no, your friend should not ask her to cover up the tattoo. Rather, she should ensure all the bridesmaids wear sleeves. Just hope it isn’t too hot that day.

I have a friend who has a lot of tattoos and she is absolutely gorgeous. The tattoos just add to that. She’s very unique and would be easily described if I listed them.

[MimiDaisy11]

Why did you choose MJ as an example 😂. I guess it’s no one as offensive as him.

I think I’d either have chosen a dress with sleeves for everyone and so dealt with the issue that way or not said anything and just deal with pics. I mean the fav pics are surely going to be the bride and groom anyway.

[WitchsFamiliar]

I don't think she can ask her. Well, she can, but I wouldn't. If she dislikes tattoos, she's a little foolish to ask someone who loves body art to be her bridesmaid and then to leave choosing the dresses to tbe bridesmaids

SIBU

[Whatinthelord]

I think the bride should just keep schum and deal with it. It’s hardly the worst thing in the world for a few wedding photos to have someone’s arm tattoo showing in them. Presumably the most displaced photos will be of bride/groom, parents etc anyway.

She asked her to be a bridesmaid and then said she could choose her own dress. IMO it’s too late now to make the tattoos an issue. That should have been considered first.

I’d find it odd to allow the aesthetics of one day impact a longer term relationship.

[NeverRTFT]

It is V V unreasonable to ask her to cover tattoos! VERY unreasonable!
If she values the SiL enough to ask her to be BM then she must accept SiL as she is. Tattoos and all.
What if she didn't like her rainbow coloured hair - do all the BMs then have to wear hats?
Extrapolate this to any other scenario involving any other aspects of physical appearance to see how unkind and offensive it is.

[riotlady]

No, I think it’s very offensive to tell someone they will “ruin photos” by looking like themselves! Either you like the person as they are or you don’t ask them to be a bridesmaid

[QueeniesCroft]

@SunLovingMum

Personally, I don’t like tattoos abd I do often see ladies looking lovely at various events abd then see a large tattoo or sleeve. Cannot help but think what a shame. Very much detracts. Something this big will certainly be bringing everyone’s eye to the tattoo. But in this day and age we’re supposed to be very accepting and not acknowledge that these actually don’t look very nice to the majority of the population so as not to offend anyone looking so ridiculous. So no, your friend should not ask her to cover up the tattoo. Rather, she should ensure all the bridesmaids wear sleeves. Just hope it isn’t too hot that day.

I'm not a fan of tattoos, but your post made me realise how utterly judgemental and nasty some people are about other people's appearances.
If the bride likes this woman enough to ask her to be a bridesmaid, then presumably she doesn't want to hurt her, or cause lasting damage to their relationship. If it comes to it, the photographer can always arrange people so that the "offending" arm is not visible. But telling your new SIL that she isn't going to make the grade unless she covers part of herself up is not going to make for an easy married life.

[Mynameismargot]

I think it would be wrong to ask but personally, I don't even understand why you would? Bridesmaids are people you are close to right? So this will be photos of the bride and the people she is closest to in the world, that is what the photos are supposed to be about, not aesthetics. The sil is the sil, she is tattooed, that is who she is, why would her being who she is 'ruin photos'. I don't know it's all very shallow and gross.