I wish I could remember it all. Pretend Mum had stuck by pretend 13 year old Graham through police, court cases, expulsions and a whole lot more besides, but then the poor lad got a snake tattoo on his face, with the snake going into his ear. Mum wanted to get rid of it by laser and needed advice.
My advice was to encourage him to pursue a career snake charming. The possibilities were endless... under-age tattooing, bad parenting, awful children - not to mention the choice of names of course.