Talk

4. There isn't swine flu, it is just to divert attention from the miserable state of the economy.

5. Swine flu is a govt-planned method to reduce pressure on the health service in particular midwives by convincing people not to have babies for a few years.

Hoochie, I'm not pregnant me dear! Definitely!

6. each swine flu vaccine will contain a minute satelite tracking device which will implant into each of our bodies and have a self destruct sequence which "they" can activate!

Initially the Met Office were told too lie to us about haveing great weather s that Brits wouldnt go abroad and spend money there when it could be spent here.
When that didnt work the Govt decided to make us all poorly so that we cant go abroad and spend oour money there.
Looks Ok when I write it down!

8. The weather has been controlled to ensure people stay at home more. Rain clouds have been created to ensure big crowds are avoided in open spaces.

<enjoying this far too much>

The vaccine can alter our brains to vote labour at the next election

10. The virus has been genetically programmed not to provide immunity beyond two weeks so target audiences get it again and again until they eventually die. However there will be an antidote which will be available to some people later on (but secretly).

11. The forthcoming 'Britain's Got Talent/X Factor' shows will have to be stopped because all the contestants and half the audience will go down with a virulent strain of swine flu during one of the live shows and be quarantined in the TV studio for two weeks a la Hurricane Katrina. Most people will continue watching the show to see if Simon Cowell cries and if Cheryl Cole's hair is affected by the vomiting and sneezing. The commentator will describe a 'spirit of Dunkirk' in that everyone wants to continue performing because 'they've waited all their life for this moment'.

Simon Cowell is actually a virus. The symptoms ususally affect women and children worse. It surges in autumn, IT CANNOT BE STOPPED.
BTW, if scientist's come up wit a vaccine, I will have the entire family done, whatever's in it.

12. The government is planting scare stories about the vaccine so lots of folk will refuse it and they wont be blamed for not having enough.

The proper name H1N1 was originally GH1N1 and it would be silly to have guinea pig flu so they 'sexed' it up to swine flu to make it Scarier.

I think you mean CavieFlu, GentleOtter. That would be the proper name for this.

The big pharma companies deliberately released the lab-made swine flu in order to make billions from all the people clamoring for vaccines and Tamiflu.

Oh no, wait - that actually sounds plausible