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AIBU to wonder if anyone if brave enough not to give their child a smart phone?

(150 Posts)
rachmack Sun 19-Mar-17 20:23:38

Just a little research question. For context my work involves working is schools with a range of young people. Over the last 10 years this work has moved increasingly towards mental wellbeing. One of the biggest issues reported to me by young people is the pressure of being liked on social media, fear of missing out (so staying on said social sites until the early hours), getting 5/6 hour sleep as they are on phones/tablets in their rooms and just before bed. We have a strict policy in our house of no tech 90 mins before bed (consistent with the research around impact on sleep) and also will be opting for call and text only phones at an age where independence is required. Are any other parents also planning/doing this and if not is there a specific reason? Thanks all.

SantanaLopez Sun 19-Mar-17 20:28:48

I think planning on doing something and actually following through with a teenager is much harder.

We were all perfect parents when we were pregnant. I'm fairly sure toddler parents are similar with regards to teenagers.

Rowgtfc72 Sun 19-Mar-17 20:31:32

Dd is ten. One of very few in her school with no phone. Next month she's getting dhs old smartphone, with the internet disabled. As she only needs to text or call.

MrsRyanGosling15 Sun 19-Mar-17 20:34:55

DS is in p7 and has no phone at all. He will be geting one in September for starting the big school as he will be travelling alone. No facebook/ instagram /snapchat/what's app will be allowed on it tho. we will possibly look at those around 14 or so.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Sun 19-Mar-17 20:35:48

My dc get a phone when they start secondary. A basic voice and text phone with a camera. If they want a smartphone they can save up and get one for themselves.

One teen has done so, one teen appears content with their 'brick', the others are still in primary.

I couldn't give a monkey's if "everyone has an iPhone, mum!"

FanSpamTastic Sun 19-Mar-17 20:35:49

DS is nearly 11 - he will get a phone later this year just before going to secondary. But it will be a cheap PAYG with no frills - because that is what his big sisters had for a year and they won't allow him to be treated any differently! He isn't bothered and isn't nagging for anything more. To be honest not even sure that he is fussed about a phone!

londonrach Sun 19-Mar-17 20:36:45

Dh and i dont have one in our 30s and 40s. We do have a dumb mobile but forget it occasionally. Cant see dc needing one

exLtEveDallas Sun 19-Mar-17 20:40:32

DD has an iPhone 5s (my old one). She's got it because
1. She needed a phone.
2. She uses social media.
3. Smart phones are simply 'progress' like any other. I could hand wash my clothes like my granny did, but I use a washing machine because 'progress'. I could buy my DD a brick phone but hey, 'progress'

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Sun 19-Mar-17 20:44:48

But exltevedallas your washing machine doesn't bully you, keep you up at night and massively impact your emotional and psychological wellbeing! No one is suggesting beating clothes with rocks in the local canal but it's a bit disingenuous to pretend it's the same thing. My oldest is only 5 so by the time he's old enough to need a phone I'm sure technology will have moved on, but it's my job as his mum to protect him from things he's too young to understand.

TrinityForce Sun 19-Mar-17 20:45:15

Nobody wants their kid to be singled out and picked on for not having a good phone.

What you think now and what happens at the time are 2 very different things.

umberellaonesie Sun 19-Mar-17 20:46:13

My eldest 16 has a smart phone but he still hands it to us at bed time due to misusing it previously. Otherwise he probably would have his phone at night by this age.
My 12 year old foes not have a phone yet he will probably get one the christmas after he starts secondary so Christmas 2017. But he will hand it in at bed and ha ve restricted supervised only access to WiFi.

WeAllHaveWings Sun 19-Mar-17 20:46:33

LtEve is spot on. I would rather teach my child how to properly manage a phone than alienate them by denying access to current common technology.

exLtEveDallas Sun 19-Mar-17 20:47:47

Neither does my (or rather DDs) phone ZigZag. People do that. And they do it with or without social media.

callmeadoctor Sun 19-Mar-17 20:48:04

My dd had a smart phone to start High School. It stays downstairs to be charged every night with no problem whatsoever. Now it has become the norm to leave downstairs. The High School that she attends lets them use smart phones as part of their lessons occasionally (and in a good way) so any child that doesn't have a smart phone at school is at an immediate disadvantage. Was a bit meh at first, but that is how it is at school :-)

clary Sun 19-Mar-17 20:48:08

Zigzag "my oldest is only five" key quote there. As a pp said, my DCs' were never going to have sweets as 4yos...hmmm each that worked!

clary Sun 19-Mar-17 20:50:24

Each?? I meant yeah! Stupid phone ;)

Yy to school - I did a kahoot with a group on Friday, a bit stuffed without a smart phone.

Nishky Sun 19-Mar-17 20:50:31

I must admit a wry smile at the parent of a 5 year old lecturing parents of teenagers-what I thought when mine were 5 is very different to what I think now

MarciaBlaine Sun 19-Mar-17 20:50:46

Mine in year 7 uses hers for all social engagements. She the class rep and they have a FB group for this at the school, plus an Instagram class group for talking about homework etc. These are what kids have these days. As others have said, you work on the rules, the dangers and how to use the Internet and social media safely. You can't pretend it is not happening.

callmeadoctor Sun 19-Mar-17 20:51:45

She has a moto g (fab phone) on PAYG (£10 per month)

armpitz Sun 19-Mar-17 20:52:55

I think it's a bit of a shame for the kids when parents are too stringent.

No one wants a mother like the one from About a Boy grin

BubbleBed Sun 19-Mar-17 20:53:32

DS1 has an old 5c. He has WhatsApp for family and limited apps. I got it for him to get him used to it all before secondary - our school is heavily online with Google classrooms, photos for homework, etc. Smart phones make this easier.

I however have a rule of no phones in bedrooms (or TVs or game consoles) and that won't change.

golfbuggy Sun 19-Mar-17 20:55:16

DS is pretty much expected to have a smartphone by this school. They are often expected to look things up on the internet, or use the camera functionality on the phone. I would definitely say a child without one would be at a disadvantage.

We do check what apps he uses and it is not allowed in his bedroom after a certain time.

sherazade Sun 19-Mar-17 20:56:20

Dd is 11 and in year 7.
She was the only one in her circle of friends who didn't have a phone , to start with.
She begged and begged but I didn't give in .
Now, two of the five other girls have had their phones removed because of excessive and inappropriate use as well as online bullying so she is no longer the only one .
She now tells me she sees the wisdom behind not having one as she was the only one who didn't get involved in some recent online spat that went on for nights . I'm quite proud of her .

exLtEveDallas Sun 19-Mar-17 20:56:36

Mines the same. There is an insta maths group, an insta tutor group. WhatsApp maths, English, netball and history coursework groups. Oh and they have set up a group in their Music class to make vids to the music they are composing.

It's actually pretty cool smile

TinselTwins Sun 19-Mar-17 20:58:53

I don't have a smart phone and we no longer get text allerts from school because it's assumed that everyone can get the alert app.

So in secondary I imagine similar will apply to the kids..

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