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Is Parenting all you dreamed it would be?

(15 Posts)
FamilyAngel Wed 29-Jul-15 11:32:42

Hi I am researching the differences between your dreams about starting a family and the reality of being a Parent. I want to write a series of blogs to help Parents make the reality become more like your expectations and I would be very grateful if you would help me.? Please would you share the hopes that you had for the future as you prepared for the arrival of your first child? And is there anything about the day to day reality of Parenting that you had not expected or would like to change? Do you consider your family to be a happy family? If your answer is yes that is wonderful, I am very happy for you. If your answer is no what would have to change for you to be able to answer yes, my family is a Happy Family? Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am really excited about being able to share some valuable tips that will help everyone create the happy family they dreamed of.

ch1134 Wed 29-Jul-15 11:45:54

Yes.

TalcAndTurnips Wed 29-Jul-15 12:14:51

Yes - totally.

My two are both adults living away from home now - all the trials and tribulations of babyhood, toddlerhood and adolescence seem but distant memories now. I miss their day-to-day company, but am so happy that they are leading independent, fulfilling and productive lives of their own.

Before we had them, our hopes for our children were that they would be happy and healthy - the academic/work success bit was a hopeful extra. We had a consistent, positive reward approach to discipline that seemed to work very well, although younger daughter was much more feisty than her older sister and often 'pushed the envelope' as far as she could. She is a delight now, though. grin

I know that we have been very, very lucky - there is not much I would change, except for the old hindsight bit that makes you realise that all those weaning/potty training/tantrum times fizzle into insignificance in the long run.

I always remember a great illustration in a parenting publication that came from the local council. A harassed mother with a toddler standing in a puddle of wee had a think bubble of her child as a big burly adult still wearing his nappy. It does seem like that at times - when you are sleep-deprived, covered in mashed banana or mopping up piddle - but it really does get better with time.

squizita Wed 29-Jul-15 17:24:47

That people will simultaneously tell you not to complain, it's a time to treasure ... and that the next month is always "the worst" and living hell.
I've never felt as scrutinised/public property, yet as ignored in terms of actual thoughts and feelings.

Mostly the confusion between not loving mopping up poo on 4 hr sleep and love for the child. People act like you have to love the literally shitty jobs or you're not maternal.

DangerGrouse Thu 30-Jul-15 19:52:45

I dreamed of a cuddly but tomboyish fearless girl with a fascination for nature.
I got a non-cuddly girly-girl scardey cat who hates nature.
I got the girl part right.

I might add - she's awesome and I wouldn't change her if you paid me but she's not what I imagined my child would be!

Nevercan Thu 30-Jul-15 20:07:03

Much tougher and intense than I imagined but also very rewarding :-)

ApplesTheHare Thu 30-Jul-15 20:46:28

Yes, but with much more intense/difficult bits added into the mix! Tbh I'm not sure anything other than becoming a parent and having to look after a newborn can prepare you for that, no matter how many tips you read. E.g. reading about how you might not sleep for more than an hour at a time for 3 months doesn't simulate the actual feeling of that happening, if you see what I mean?

Kiwiinkits Fri 31-Jul-15 02:30:08

Yes. It's better than what I expected, on the whole. My love for them is intense and getting more intense as they grow (and I get more invested).

Blankiefan Fri 31-Jul-15 07:01:58

I want to write a series of blogs to help Parents make the reality become more like your expectations

It needs to be the other way round, expectant parents need to manage their expectations.

Different things for different people. Took me a good while to get past the major life shift that it was. As much as you "make baby for round your life", it's a seismic shift that I just hadn't anticipated (feels stupid and obvious now). I suspect age plays a part. As an older woman, I had an established life and storing identity. I wasn't prepared to shift this. I've softened a bit but i still refuse to describe myself as "baby's mum". I'm back working full time as this is really important to me.

After a bumpy start, I really enjoy my daughter now and the love really does whack you over the head. I'm not a baby person so once we got past that, I was more engaged. I'm really enjoying her toddlerhood (possibly partly due to someone else doing the heavy lifting for 50 hours per week).

I suspect that the transformation is easier when you're younger and are still building your sense of self and establishing your truths.

Highlove Fri 31-Jul-15 07:08:16

Yes, I think so, but harder. But I agree with a pp - I don't think anything prepares you till it happens - and reading something on the net certainly wouldn't. I think there's a thing about expectant first-time parents - they (often - I know I was one of them!) sort of think they know better and have an idealised idea about how it will be and what they'll do. It's only when hit with reality that they discover that, say, it's not bad parenting that means some small babies fight every nap, or toddler won't sleep through, or whatever. And you just can't prepare for how it feels to have had hardly any sleep for weeks and the impact that has on you!

qumquat Sat 01-Aug-15 21:03:15

I found the first 4 months absolute hell (mainly down to bf issues but I could not bring myself to give up) and a big part of what kept me going was friends telling how hideous the first few months had been for them too. I did have days where I regretted having her, but fast forward to now where she's the best 18 month old ever and I love love love being her parent.

BertieBotts Sat 01-Aug-15 21:06:18

NO. But I'm not massively interested in being featured on a blog, I'd rather write my own. Especially one which sounds rather saccharin and superficial (sorry).

Good luck with it.

Peppasmate Sat 01-Aug-15 22:03:59

No. 2 of my dc are disabled. Our life is pretty crap in all honesty! It's not getting easier...

Athenaviolet Sat 01-Aug-15 22:07:38

With one of my DC it is so much better with another it is so much worse.

Bunbaker Sat 01-Aug-15 22:14:24

No. I didn't "dream" about being a parent. I finally became a parent at 41 and found it unbelievably hard and isolating. After being able to please myself for so long I felt like I had put my life on hold. Then there was the double whammy of DD's health issues, which finally resolved when she was three and a half.

Then the teenage years arrived, and if I thought that parenting a baby with health issues was hard, the emotional roller coaster of parenting a teen is even harder.

I love DD to bits, but I admit to find parenting very hard emotionally.

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