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what is your opinion on fake belly?

(64 Posts)
Noora Wed 15-Feb-17 22:49:08

Hello ladies! I faced a dilemma. As you probably know we are currently pregnant via surrogacy. We are 14 weeks pregnant. We didn't tell anyone about our surrogacy journey. Only my dh and my mom knows. We want to make an announcement to rest of our family and friends in a couple of weeks. The thing is I don't know what to tell... I don't feel like I want to tell that we are using services of surrogate mother. I really want to tell that this is me! I am pregnant! My dh told "It's up to you!"

Girls I know it may seem dumb to you. But this situation is so hard for me... I've been always dreaming to carry a baby, to have my belly growing, to be beautiful pregnant woman, to show everyone that I can carry a baby and I can give birth! I had 3 MCs and not only losses hurt but also those looks I receive from family and friends... You know, looks which are full of pity and sorrow as if I'm not a fully woman. This is the reason why I want to show them that I am happy! I am pregnant and I can carry my own baby! Even if this is not true...

I'm afraid that sooner or later my secret will be revealed and the situation(and their looks) will be even worse... I have to decide now which scenario to choose, to tell the truth or to pretend pregnancy. What do you think? What should I take into consideration if I choose the second option? I will be really glad to hear your opinions! Maybe someone here faced the same problem.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Wed 15-Feb-17 22:52:29

Tell the truth

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Using a surrogate is not something to be emanated of.

It is your business though so obviously only tell those who are close to you and don't feel pressured into making some big public announcement

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Wed 15-Feb-17 22:52:59

*embarrassed that should say

MommaGee Wed 15-Feb-17 22:53:30

Your post came up on active so if I can GI e a totally unbiased opinion - people love to pat a pregnant belly. They want to feel kicks and watch it wriggle when baby gets big. They'll find out eventually and it'll be twice as hard. Even if you can keep a secret, what happens when your surrogate goes into labour? Do you want to have to falsify that?
There's no shame in what you're doing. Get a tummy if it'll help you but dont lie to the people who love you, who will just be glad you're going to be a mommy soon.
Congratulations momma xx

Haudyerwheesht Wed 15-Feb-17 22:53:58

Honestly? I'd think it was a very odd thing to do - you'd have to lie alot and forever and someone who could do that wouldn't be my kind of person.

Tbh is just be pleased you were having a baby - it honestly wouldn't make me feel pity for you or anything. Id be delighted for you!

PurpleDaisies Wed 15-Feb-17 22:54:47

I wouldn't lie-there are so many ways that you could be caught out.

DesolateWaist Wed 15-Feb-17 22:55:58

I do understand how you feel op. One of my great sadnesses is that I will never experience carrying a baby to term and giving birth. I understand that jealousy of pregnant bellies.

However, just think this through. You will need to maintain this illusion, your bump will need to grow. You will find your self in conversations that you can't answer. People will ask about kicks, birth and morning sickness.
I understand, but just stand back and think rationally about this for a while.

Mrstumbletap Wed 15-Feb-17 23:01:40

People may ask you if you feel sick, have cravings, cramps, pee all the time and you will have to lie to their faces. For nearly a year. By the time the baby comes that's a lot of lying.

You can't be comfortable with that surely?

I wouldn't be able to be friends with someone that lied to me over something so big, for so long.

rollonthesummer Wed 15-Feb-17 23:04:17

No-I absolutely wouldn't lie. So many people-friends/family/strangers put their hands on your tummy when they know you are pregnant-you will be rumbled in a heartbeat!!

FenellaMaxwellsPony Wed 15-Feb-17 23:09:59

As PPs have said, it's not just lying about the bump - you would also need to fake the sickness, fatigue, needing the loo every 5 minutes, general weight gain, potential hip and back pain - that's a lot of lying and pretending.

You are going to be a mum! It's not having a bump that makes you a mum, it's the love you give to your baby - take joy in getting ready for that, rather than focussing your energy on lying. Congratulations!

Floralnomad Wed 15-Feb-17 23:10:24

I actually think it would be a very dishonest thing to do as opposed to just a small lie , I'm sure none of your friends and family think of you as less of a woman because you can't maintain a pregnancy ,that is probably all in your mind . Good luck with the surrogacy .

Letseatgrandma Wed 15-Feb-17 23:15:52

I am pregnant and I can carry my own baby!

But as you said yourself, this isn't true. I totally understand you are excited and you're going to be a mum- that is fantastic. But don't lie to your friends about it- there is no need.

Imstickingwiththisone Wed 15-Feb-17 23:16:21

You'll regret it OP. The lying won't be nice and you'll most likely be found out or find yourself avoiding people to avoid suspicion. I don't think you would get the satisfaction from doing it that you think you would. And if there are genuinely people who think you are not 'fully woman' because of your mc then I think they would be quite cruel if they discovered you were lying about being pregnant. Hopefully though your friends and family are supportive and have just felt your pain with your MCs and not pity. They would be supportive of your surrogacy. Good luck for the rest of the pregnancy and congrats flowers

JayzuzMaryJoseph Wed 15-Feb-17 23:20:05

Understand your feelings, OP, but a fake belly is a weird lie - and that shouldn't be the circumstances surrounding the birth of your child!

Better to bout and proud about it all.. Once your baby is in your arms, it won't matter how she/he got there.

Dont make your child's journey here into a lie or secret. Be open and proud about how they got here.

StrumpersPlunkett Wed 15-Feb-17 23:25:48

Have the party tell them great news we are having a baby. Celebrate. It is fab.
It is wonderful that we live in times where you can indeed be a mother even though your body won't carry the child through pregnancy.
I understand the fears anxiety and sadness but your family and friends will look to you for how they should respond.
Tell them with unembarrassed joy in your heart and they will be joyful with you.

jcne Wed 15-Feb-17 23:33:37

sorry to crash i stumbled on this on the main page. i am pregnant and i have to say honestly you cannot possibly pretend you are physically carrying the baby... i don't see how you wouldn't get sprung which would be so much worse for you and tbh encourages stigma where it doesn't need to be. faking it would get elaborate and end badly, seriously.

jcne Wed 15-Feb-17 23:35:25

there is a lot more to it than the bump and people, particularly mothers, want to know all about it/you, how your experience is, not to mention touching it and seeing it move.

girlelephant Wed 15-Feb-17 23:38:52

Be proud and excited of what you are doing & tell the truth. It would likely come out & also would likely be stressful to keep up a pretence.

Many congratulations

badg3r Wed 15-Feb-17 23:44:42

I am really struggling to see how you will manage to keep up the pretence for six months without being caught. What will you tell people when they ask about the birth? What if friends ask for advice down the line? Honesty is the best policy here I think.
Congratulations to you and your DP for your pregnancy by the way smile

rollonthesummer Thu 16-Feb-17 00:09:11

I think people will think you are extremely odd and untrustworthy if you do this.

Efferlunt Thu 16-Feb-17 00:18:07

Think you need to start considering the child in all of this - you need to be honest with him or her about how they came into this world.

You'll be a mum soon, it won't be about your needs but your child's.

rollonthesummer Thu 16-Feb-17 00:22:54

Do you plan to tell your child about the surrogacy in the future?

JoanofNark17 Thu 16-Feb-17 00:26:03

You're not serious, are you? You'd never get away with it and everyone will think you have lost your mind.
Also your surrogate may not want to be associated with that, and change their mind.

Lochan Thu 16-Feb-17 00:36:23

I know someone who has their lovely little boy via surrogacy - she was extremely open and proud about it. She appears to be an excellent Mum.

Pretending to be pregnant is a big lie. I think you underestimate the magnitude of this. You'll have to lie every day. Several times a day. To everyone.

Your work will have to make accommodations. How would you handle questions about routine appointments?

You'd mostly likely be caught out, the bump not changing enough, your bust not changing, lack of waddle, eating or drinking something not recommended to pregnant women. You'd have to lie to your dentist and your pharmacist too.

If it came out (which it absolutely would) people would look at you with pity.

Be honest. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

ErrolTheDragon Thu 16-Feb-17 00:40:56

Don't start out your relationship with your baby with a lie. Tbh I think it would be extremely disrespectful of the woman who is carrying your child, making your motherhood possible.

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