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I want to be a surrogate anyone have advise or experiences

(17 Posts)
RubyLovett Sun 07-Feb-16 01:08:02

Hello
I'm 20 and have two beautiful children of my own and would love to help someone start a family. I'm in a healthy relationship with a supportive and understanding older partner and I'm also a second year law student. I love being pregnant, but I know at 20 and with two children already it's not completely wise for us to have any more children of our own just yet as I would like to get married and travel a bit before we add any more members to our family! However, my body is very capable of handling another pregnancy, I've never miscarried or had any complications during the duration or birth, I've always had relatively straight forward pregnancies with minimal side effects which makes me all the more keen to do this. I love the experience of being pregnant, the scans and feeling the baby move right through to giving birth.

I can't imagine my life with out my children and feel everyone should have the opportunity to have a child of their own. I have family members who have been unable to conceive and have grown too old to use a surrogate now and have been unable to find one in their younger years, I have first hand experience to how lonely they feel and how upset they get when they see babies and children.

Preferably I would like to be genetically unrelated to the child as I feel if I was genetically related it could mean I may become attached, especially if they shared features and looks with my own two children.

How would I go about starting my surrogacy journey? I don't really want to go through any agencies.

Would my age and how many pregnancies I've already had effect if I would be able to be a surrogate?

Am I allowed to ask why they can't have children of their own? I would prefer to be a surrogate for someone that can't have children opposed to some one that can but just doesn't want to carry a child for whatever reason

I don't want to be a surrogate for just anyone, i feel that I would have to get on and connect with the intended parent on some level.

Osirus Fri 12-Feb-16 14:48:25

This is an amazing thing to do for someone. A friend of mine who suffered from ovarian cancer has just had her second round of IVF fail. Her body is full of artificial hormones which in part is not helping each attempt. She may have to consider surrogacy for this reason. She has frozen eggs of her own.

I hope you find the right family to help.

LaurieLemons Fri 12-Feb-16 15:16:53

You're a braver woman than me lol. It's a good thing that you've had children already and you're young, I don't know how you would go about finding a couple without an agency but I know you can definitely get to know the patents beforehand, it's totally up to you how you go about things. Good luck!

Whatsthenameofthatdoohickey Fri 19-Feb-16 20:32:17

We're just starting out on our journey as intended parents (very early days of finding out about surrogacy) and I think it's absolutely fine for you to ask any intended parents about why they can't have children - you get to decide what type of parents you're looking for, it's your body smile

Venus0890 Sun 20-Mar-16 22:07:51

Dear,

We are looking for a surrogate and our embryos are based in London clinic.
Let me know if u are available.
Thanks

makingmiracles Wed 30-Mar-16 09:13:03

Venus, what you have written above is illegal. In the uk it is illegal to advertise yourself looking for a surrogate or looking for intended parents.

Search Facebook for " uk surrogacy the foyer" this is a gateway group to other hidden/secret surrogacy groups on Fb.

SurroMummy13 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:11:26

Hi, honestly you're best going with an 'agency',

Going 'indie' can go right or it can go very wrong. It also can happen whilst being being with an agency but you'll be guided and supported from day one. Good luck xxx

AhHaaaaa Sun 10-Apr-16 23:36:49

An agency gives you no more legal protection than being independant. Matching independantly can actually mean a better match as you have got to know each other as friends first and found out every bit if each other's life you want to know before deciding to match. Not just told "here you two can match" and it's all uncomfortable.

SouthPole Mon 18-Apr-16 21:09:57

I'm a surro, let me know if you need any advice, dare say you've found the Facebook groups already! COTS are excellent. Pros and cons to matching independently and through an agency. It's all about really, really knowing the couple.

jww127 Wed 27-Apr-16 21:34:36

Fabulous that you are interested in becoming a surroggate. I really recommend taking your time and maybe joining some of the Facebook groups. Lots of good advice and support and help. PM me if you want tips or to chat privately. Once you know what you're doing and how you want to do it, I recommend going independent - lawyers and surrogacy organisations take up time, energy and a lot of money....! It's a rollercoaster.

jww127 Wed 27-Apr-16 21:36:22

Venus above should take care - there are laws on surrogacy and advertising openly is illegal. There are indirect ways which are completely OK (and just as effecitve).

MusicIsMedicine Mon 23-May-16 19:51:49

Why only surrogacy for those who can't have a family naturally? They have the options of IVF or indeed surrogate. There are many women who can get preg but can't sustain preg for various reasons, for example Hyperemesis or other severe preg conditions. They give up all hope of a family.

Just a thought.

WannaBe Mon 23-May-16 20:10:11

To be absolutely honest, I would question the integrity of anyone who was prepared to use a twenty year old as a surrogate, with no agencies etc or protection involved.

Twenty is incredibly young. Almost a child still. And generally couples who go down the road of surrogacy have already been through usually years of fertility treatment etc and will have far more life experience than a twenty year old who is herself nearly an adult.

Iirc don't the agencies have lower age limits anyway? Using a young girl (and yes, twenty is still a young girl) to be such a huge part of your child-bearing journey just seems like exploitation.

jww127 Mon 23-May-16 21:24:08

Are you responding to or judging the poster, WannaBe? She isn't a child if she has a family already. There is a lot of support out there with or without agencies. For someone like RubyLovett who has already completed her family surrogacy is a perfectly honourable goal. Lots of protection and support with or without formal agencies. Surrogacy is for all sorts of couples who can't have children themselves. It's not 'using'. It's very much a team effort! Xx

WannaBe Mon 23-May-16 22:04:36

Responding. I would judge the intended parents who would be prepared to take advantage of a young twenty year old and be happy to enter into an agreement without any kind of agency guidance etc.

I have no doubt that the OP has the right intentions and is coming from the right place. But she is incredibly young and has little life experience. Going through the process of carrying a baby for someone and then giving it up is not without risk, and without an agency or 3rd party involvement she is open to exploitation and could potentially be in a vulnerable position with no support.

On this very thread is a poster who has essentially said "yeah, please be my surrogate, PM me," it just shows that desperation will cause some people to do things without consideration for the human beings behind the process - iyswim.

jww127 Wed 25-May-16 14:04:21

What if the intended parents were responsible and didn't take advantage of her, but actually enabled her and supported her in being a surrogate as she says she wants to be? What if RubyLovett is a mature 20 year old who knows her mind and has had a lot of life experience? What if she can get all the guidance and support she needs from other surrogates and IPs? Some would say that in certain ways certain agencies exploit the IPs and take the power of choice and autonmy away from surrogates. I hope it all goes well for her at any rate. It really is a wonderful thing to do, RubyLovett.

123yourusername Mon 19-Dec-16 09:43:47

I'm also looking into becoming a surrogate, I'm 23. I've been trying to read into it for a while now, indie might be different but the agencies seem to have a minimum age of 21.

There's so much information and things to consider but I'd love to be able to help a family have a child of their own!

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