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my husband won't get rid of cats but will leave me??

(20 Posts)
lovelife15 Sun 07-Dec-14 01:37:17

I reluctantly agreed for my partner to have a cat after a lifetime of pestering and emotional blackmail. He knew i don't like cats and hate the fur so unfortunately i gave in and we now have 2cats.
We agreed my husband would feed the cats, groom them and clean the litters including helping clean the house as i can't stand the fur. 2 years on and the husband stopped doing what we agreed and i was left to feeding the cats, cleaning the litters and the house as he lay on the sofa enjoying watching tele and using his laptop. After getting fed up i stopped doing anything for the cats and tried yo get my husband to do what he'd agreed. He never cleaned the litter for days and sometimes even a week would go by and the cats started doing their business on the carpet floor. Following this i limited their space to the conservatory but it got to a point where the house absolutely stunk and i had to get rid of the carpets because the smell was so bad. I also got rid of the litters and the cats started going out for the toilet.
Now we are back to square one as the cats again are weeing and leaving poo presents on the floor again. My husband says it's all my fault as i got rid of the litters and thinks we should get them back but i want to get rid of the cats. He does nothing round the house and could cook a meal or iron his clothes if his life depended on it but is adamant he will clean the litters... he also said there is no way he will get rid of the cats, his words "I'd leave you but wouldn't get rid of my cats".

What do i do? I'm sick of being the only one that does anything in our house and come to a point where i actually hate the cats. All i can think of is how to get rid of them.

HeeHiles Sun 07-Dec-14 01:46:19

I'd leave him and the cats - ask yourself what are you getting out of this relationship - then leave.

lovelife15 Sun 07-Dec-14 02:08:46

Sometimes i wish i could... im also 16 weeks pregnant and constantly cleaning/cooking or ironing, I'm tired all the time. I have to hoover daily to clean the house and get rid of the hair.....
How do i convince his to give the cats away?

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 07-Dec-14 09:39:33

You have enough to contend with without taking on the care of two animals that you don't actually like. Cats are very much love them or hate them creatures.

Pregnant women are at more risk from cat pooh but it's a tiny risk if you do it properly.
Are the cats wormed?
Are they neutered?
They are probably messing indoors because they pick up on any changes and your pg hormones.

Cats really detest a dirty tray so it's really cruel for your DH not to clean their litter for a WEEK sad

Our cat (now no longer with us) was a 2yo adopted moggie, she was 11yo when our DS came aling, 13yo when DD arrived (she died at 17yo).
She only ever used a tray if she was kept inside. Cats adapt to going outside which it sounds like your cats have. The poo/pee is a protest (providing they have good access to outdoors, they'll go out)

Can you get your midwife onside? (Aside from the fact your DH doesn't help you ) she can give him all sorts of literature WRT to pregnancy and cats.

Our cat was 17. Neighbours cat was 21.
You will have them around for a while.
Personally, I think when you take on an animal, you keep it.

His cats.
His responsibility.

FannyFanakapan Sun 07-Dec-14 09:44:03

Take the cats to the cats protection league when he is out. They deserve a better life than with someone who wont change the litter trays.

See how long it takes him to notice they are gone.

RandomMess Sun 07-Dec-14 09:50:52

Honestly I'd ditch the husband!!!!

Read "wifework", his attitude isn't going to magically improve cats or no cats and life is going to be even more difficult once the baby is born.

patienceisvirtuous Sun 07-Dec-14 09:52:33

I feel most sorry for the cats. Ring round some rescues. They will take them and find a home where they are loved and looked after properly, as they deserve!

livelablove Sun 07-Dec-14 09:56:41

If he really liked the cats he would want to feed them, which is a nice thing to do if you like your pets and it is not that bad cleaning a litter tray, grooming and giving a quick extra hoover for fur. If he won't do these small jobs does he really like them?

december12 Sun 07-Dec-14 09:56:57

This is really not about the cats. If it wasn't the cats there would be something else for him to be an arse about. Or am I wrong and he was a dream husband, pulling his weight, before the cats?!

Trills Sun 07-Dec-14 09:57:58

How do i convince his to give the cats away?

What proportion of your problems will be solved if the cats are given away?

Will it help with any of the following?

a lifetime of pestering and emotional blackmail

lay on the sofa enjoying watching tele and using his laptop (while you do all the work around the house)

He does nothing round the house and could cook a meal or iron his clothes if his life depended on it

Aussiemum78 Sun 07-Dec-14 10:01:20

And when you have a crawling baby, will he be ok with it crawling through cat poop?

Come to think of it, if he does nothing around the house, can't care for a cat, how much help do you think he will give with a baby?

He is a lazy prick, I'd ditch him.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Sun 07-Dec-14 10:16:13

Shame there isn't a dp rescue society, cos I'd be calling them to collect him.

TheCraicDealer Sun 07-Dec-14 11:23:32

I was going to say the same as Aussiemum. In six months time you'll be looking after not only yourself, but a baby, two cats and a lazy shite of a husband. Leave him and all you have to worry about is yourself and the baby.

lovelife15 Sun 07-Dec-14 14:09:58

He was lazy before but now i he'll leave his dirty socks on the floor for days, we'll either end up in an argument because AGAIN i'm asking him to pick them up or because I've ended up doing it.
I know what he was like before i married him but he's got worse, surely a grown adult knows to pick up after themselves??

The cats have been neutered and wormed but removing the litters was a good solution at the time as he wouldn't have to leave the litters without cleaning it for days on end and i wouldn't have to argue with him about it as my house stunk.
He thinks he would be more active and would help around more when the baby is here but if he can't do that now without the extra responsibility how would he do it then?

Also if we have litters again i only have his word that he would clean it daily and I'm stuck back to where i started.
Getting rid of the cats would help firstly because i don't like cats, secondly i wouldn't have to constantly clean my house to get rid of the fur and it wouldn't smell from cat pee/poo everywhere.

If i did just get rid of the cats he would notice as the first thing he does when he's home is look for them bring them in and get fur everywhere. I also said it's not fair on the cats as i don't like them and you can't care for them but apparently he 'loves' his cats and getting rid of them is not an option!

hellsbells99 Sun 07-Dec-14 14:12:46

I would keep the cats and get rid of the husband!

patienceisvirtuous Sun 07-Dec-14 15:25:04

Hate the term get rid in relation to rehoming animals. Very cold-hearted. They're not a piece of rubbish you take to the tip you know.

patienceisvirtuous Sun 07-Dec-14 15:28:55

The cats didn't ask to live in a home where neither of the two adults living there can be arsed to care for them.

One of you needs to step up and either care for them or rehome them.Tell your 'D'H that.

lovelife15 Sun 07-Dec-14 16:53:05

Yes i do know they're not rubbish patienceisvirtuous but that's the term generally used, the world is going mad about using the politically correct term and unfortunately you can't always please everyone.

I don't want them and don't want to care for them and realise the best them for them is to be rehomed.

Itsfab Sun 07-Dec-14 17:01:41

So he doesn't care enough about you to get off his arse and "help" hmm more but will do it for a baby? Like hell he will.

Either tell him he mans up or you are off and mean it as otherwise NOTHING will change. How will you feel about him when your baby eats cat shit?

lemisscared Sun 07-Dec-14 17:13:48

You should NOT be cleaning up cats poo if you are pregnant, you are putting yourself at risk of toxoplasmosis and miscarriage.

other than that, neither of you are looking after these cats properly and should rehome them.

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