Hi mason. I'm an addict and just over a year ago I was asking advice on a thread like this too. It started off at cocodamol for me and like you i was taking high doses. I was stealing my mother's. Then I started buying my own offline, getting into horrendous debt to do so, before switching to dihydrocodeine
For me cocodamol withdrawal was horrible but doable. Dihydrocodeine withdrawal was absolutely impossible. Addiction doesn't stay the same - it can and does get worse, trust me. I know the warnings over paracetamol and livers won't hit home for you. They didn't for me. I decided the drs were just over exaggerating and that because I was overweight, I would be fine. This was despite feeling stomach pains.
How is your brrathing? I ask because I was taking 30 dohy3a day which Is equivalent to 60 cocodamol a day. My breathing was awful and I really struggled to do breathing exercises.
I used to block out emotions or at least partly.
My journey hasn't been a straightforward one. I've been on a subutex script since November last and am slowly tapering Down. There's lots of conflicting info out there but for me, my script probably saved my life. If I carried on taking the doses I was, my breathing would. Have been more fucked, my liver probably as well. Let alone the fact that I was in debt and sinking drastically. It stopped me robbing family for money, selling jewellery for money, the daily lies and anxiety and stress... It was my saving grace. I
It's not all sunshine and roses, I'm still struggling. I blip regularly - my last blip was 7 days ago - and I'm nowhere near well and sorted. But I'm trying and my life isn't quite as hopeless today.
Try your gp, you can self refer to some drug and alcohol service, get advice. You can do a detox or a script or a taper, whatever. Im giving you this advice but I'm going to be honest, I'm not pinning my hopes on you taking it. That's because lots of lovely kind mumsneters gave me fab advice and I acted like a prize twat. I didn't want to listen to anyone who said something I didn't like. I really hope you get help. But only you can get that help and decide you want to make a difference
Good luck