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Gambling Brother - Please Help

(4 Posts)
Brocollipeach Mon 09-Sep-19 08:14:07

My brother (26) is a gambling addict.

At the age of 19 he blew £5k, got a payday loan and we had to sort him out. There were other fritterings along the way but that was the “big one”.
He went to 2 GA meetings and stopped because they were older men and he didn’t feel comfortable (I know, I know). Since then he’s not had his own bank card and his wife manages the finances, he gets money when he asks for it but that’s it.

Since then we’ve been patching the holes I think - he’s had a weekly £10 bet with a friend which he has been very transparent about. (Again - I know) I live in a different city so feel I don’t know the full picture.

This morning he’s asked me for £500 following some gambling debt he owes his friend. I’ve asked if this is the full amount and he said yes, thankfully(?) he owes a friend at work - I’ve no clue how he spent it but know he got to this sum by trying to win back his losses.
As a sister you just want to quick fix it. I said I’d give him the money on the condition he tells his wife and he goes to a minimum of 3 months GA. He said it’s not worth it and he’ll get the cash elsewhere. I’m scared he’ll end up getting a payday loan again.

I don’t want to lie to his wife. I don’t want to tell my parents. I just want to cry and miss work today. My brother is the most lovely person and I’m so disappointed in him. He could lose his family (young son) and wife over this as she threatened leaving him previously. She’s fiery but she should know and be pissed over this £500.

Any help of advice would be much appreciated. At the moment I’m the only one who knows and I’ve no clue what to do about this recent “blip”.

CanIFindaValidUsername Sat 21-Sep-19 23:42:46

He needs to face the consequences of his gambling and that won't happen if people keep sorting his mess out. You would be enabling him to gamble further.

He needs to seek help, I suggest you point him towards gamcare suggest it to his wife as well as they also offer support to friends and family of gamblers.

To be blunt for him to recognise he has a problem and want to stop he needs to hurt. Be it from mates getting arsey because he can't pay them back, to his wife kicking him out to his credit rating becoming shot. To be honest a bad credit report is the best thing for a gambler.

His wife needs to know so she can make an informed choice and protect herself financially.

I am a compulsive gambler who had an oh who bailed me out 2 times before the debt hit unmanageable level. If he hadn't of bailed me out I would be 10k in debt instead of 80k. Not his fault, all mine. I just wanted to give an example of the damage enabling can do.

He needs to hit his rock bottom.

CanIFindaValidUsername Sat 21-Sep-19 23:44:54

Think you should hit the forums on the gamcare website also, in the friend's and family section.

You will get invaluable advice from friends and family as well as ex gamblers alike

Brocollipeach Thu 26-Sep-19 11:13:38

Thank you @CanIFindaValidUsername

I spoke to someone on gamcare via an online chat and it was really helpful. I’ve also shared it with my brother.

His wife now knows and has said she’s leaving him. Maybe this will be his rock bottom.

I appreciate the advice, thanks so much

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