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Just lost my brother to heroin

(10 Posts)
NoTimeToBeUnwell Sat 13-Jul-19 17:33:01

I have so many questions as to why he didn't come to us for help and why he did it

Hes been a long term user since his teens and gradually built up to this. He was in rehab a couple of times and had been clean for a couple if years.

I think he said he was clean but was actually addicted to over the counter pills etc.

Some girl offered him special k a few weeks ago which led him to do Heroin again which accidentally killed him.

It's so hard I have so many question but will never get answers.

If theres any addicts on here why do you do it ? Why did you start? I know addiction is very hard to get away from but what makes people start it try that new drug?
Why do people not ask for help? Do you realise it can kill you?

I'm hoping if people can answer these it may help me understand.

Thank you for reading .

Doyoumind Sat 13-Jul-19 17:42:43

I don't have any real experience of addiction but I'm sorry for your loss and bumping in the hope you get some support.

Snappedandfarted2019 Sat 13-Jul-19 17:50:25

My dbro was a heroin addict from his teenages through to his twenties. He first experimented at a young age with various drugs it wasnt until he suffered a sexual assault whilst in the navy he turned to Heroin to suppress his abuse only the high lasted so long before the come downs and he was chasing the next high. He went to rehab several times it was only when my dm had a heart attack he got clean. Hes been clean for about 17 years now. I'm so sorry for you're loss heroin addiction not only affects the individual but families

Bunniesandbunnies Sat 13-Jul-19 18:23:27

I'm very sorry you lost your brother.

I'll try and answer your questions from a personal point of view/experience as best I can.

Addicts lie, it's extremely unlikely he told you the truth regarding how clean he was for periods of time. Someone might tell family what they want family to know, not the reality of their use, or downplay their use, including telling others they are only using legal pills to provide cover for seeming high. Someone using does this because they don't want to stop using.

When someone is dedicated to their drug of choice they don't want what you would consider help. They want the privacy and space to carry on using.

Shifting blame to some girl giving him yet is just that, distracting from his own culpability. Addicts don't like to be blamed for anything.

Yes, anyone doing smack knows each time is a gamble, but it is not really a gamble in their heads at the time. It's a managed risk. Do a little test shot, short a tiny bump, see how strong it is. Sadly there are hot corners (badly unevenly mixed), or someone is just so desperate to get well they get sloppy, and then accidents happen.

As for why people start. Pain. Emotional pain. Depression. Loss of ability to see a future.

To a junkie help is another bag, not stopping's not right, but it's how people think on junk.

To someone addicted to heroin, who does not want to stop, the last thing they want is to be forced or "helped" into giving up what they want to do

You might not have judged him for using, but the fear of others judgement is quite motivating in not letting them know someone is using. That and being forced to stop.

As sad and awful as it is, your poor brother didn't get to the point of wanting to be off the smack, enough to actually stay off it. There was absolutely nothing you could have done.

I promise.

I'm very sad he didn't make it through. If there is anything else I can do, or try help clarify, I'll try.

gearandloathing Sat 13-Jul-19 22:42:21

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

I hope I can answer your questions. I have recently given up a cocaine addiction of 10 years, I became clean about a year ago but I have to say that not a day goes by that I don't think about cocaine.

In my case I was introduced to drugs like many teenagers through weed, then speed, then acid, then e.... I didn't find these drugs addictive, not in the same way. Habit forming, yes but not addictive. So it made me feel like there was not a risk in going further. And for many years I could do coke occasionally and was not bothered about doing more. I was truly a recreational user... until one day it turned and I ended up being quite addicted over a period of 10 years.

I had a husband and young family and I stopped when I realised that I wasn't going to get away with it much longer and I didn't want to risk losing the most important thing in my life, my family.

It was hard though. Very hard. Cocaine gets a grip on you like no other. I've never tried heroin but I'd imagine it's a similar thing in terms of how hooked you get. It's like a bit of your brain is corrupted. Suddenly there's this easy path to feeling great and deep down your brain just wants to do it again and again and again and denies all logic and reason. Like a computer virus, a part of your brain is corrupted, permanently.

I've been clean a year now but if someone put a line in front of me right now I'd dive in there without a second thought. That's how strong the pull is. The only way I can stay away from it was to cut myself off from all dealers, all using friends. My old dealer texted me the other day with his new number and I deleted the number but for a little while a part of me was hoping I wouldn't delete it, it took super human strength to delete it but I knew it was that or else I'd be back in the madness before too long.

Sorry for the ramble, I hope it makes some sense. There's not much difference between me and your brother. There were a couple of times I came close to an overdose and its only by the grace of god I didn't. It's like something takes over, like you have a demon inside your head wrestling for the controls. That's why people don't stop, even at the risk of it killing them. That's probably what was going on for your brother and I hope he is now at peace.

sage46 Sun 04-Aug-19 19:58:21

I am so sorry for your loss.

Dontknowwhyidoit Sun 04-Aug-19 20:35:07

The father of my eldest two was addicted to heroin for the last few years we were together. He was very good at hiding his habit and could look you in the face and tell you bare faced lies and have you second guessing yourself. So don't be beating yourself up for not seeing it or believing what your brother told you, as its not your fault. As to why someone start using drug, there are many reasons. I used recreational drugs for over 15 years and this never developed into a problem but I never used heroin or crack etc as to me they aren't for fun but are used to switch your emotions off. My ex started off with recreational drugs then became a dealer of those drugs and then progressed to heroin after bring in prison. He is still addicted 20 years later and swears to our children that he is clean when he isn't. He has had help from drug support services over the years but just can not manage to stay clean. I think he knows everyone wants him to stop using so he tells them that he is clean but really he doesn't want it enough so he will probably die from either an overdose or something related to substance misuse. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you get support in dealing with your grief

PurpleFrames Sun 10-Nov-19 21:01:13

My deepest sympathies for you loads op.

I started using because I was so incredibly miserable, I needed something to help. I didn't/don't care if I live or die I just needed the pain to stop.

I have been engaging with services but my main issue is my depression and suicidal thoughts. As nice as they are they can't make the pain stop or support me like pills can.

I don't mean to cause any offence, that's just my story.

Stay strong op x

user764329056 Mon 11-Nov-19 22:54:13

I am so sorry OP, I have lost a family member to heroin, he was 32, had been clean for over a year, met up with an old friend who was still using, my family member took an amount that was the same as he would have taken at height of his addiction, his body unable to tolerate as he had been clean for so long and it killed him, addiction is evil

ncfamilysaga Mon 25-Nov-19 21:22:55

I'm sorry for your loss OP flowers, reading this in tears.

I lost a college friend to heroin. His best friend / my ex called me to say he'd died of an overdose. He said he'd seen him only a couple of weeks before and he seemed really well, he'd recently moved back to his old home where he'd been happy, he didn't know he was using at all.

My DB is a coke user, I'm not really sure of the extent of it, he defrauded me of hundreds of pounds for a binge, he says he hasn't done it for a month and it's behind him. I don't think it's enough to kill him but one day it could be.

I think the main reason he started drugs was having an addictive/impulsive brain and probably liking the confidence it gave him. He has schizophrenia but he definitely had ADHD in his teens. He once told me he was bought up not to be a drain / rely on / burden family or something like that. He has a difficult time knowing how to phrase asking for help, it sort of just unravels that there are problems when it's already happened.

I'm so sorry again for your loss xx

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