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Just found out boyfriend is cocaine addict. Don't know what to do.

(16 Posts)
problem1234567 Tue 08-Jan-19 23:38:51

As per the title really.
Bit of a bombshell. Six months together
Just told me now as were discussing other serious relationship matters. Apparently using for 4 years. He has not told me how often he takes it.
Has tried to stop many times before but obviously not successfully.
I would honestly never have guessed. He has a professional job and there is nothing 'outward' to indicate such a problem.
I just never expected it and it's not a 'world' I know about.
Not sure what the purpose of the post is but just feel really confused about everything.
(regular user but name changed)

Weezol Tue 08-Jan-19 23:45:23

After only six months, cut your lossess and end the relationship. There's no future in it and you can't fix him.

Rhubarbisevil Tue 08-Jan-19 23:48:45

Absolutely. Unless he combats his addiction, it won’t end well. And he will drag you down with him.

giftsonthebrain Tue 08-Jan-19 23:53:56

deal breaker. thank him for his "honesty" although most users use much more than they admit to.
end the relationship NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, as he's likely to ask you to help him.

MrsRyanGosling15 Tue 08-Jan-19 23:54:57

You run, fast. I would never in my wildest dreams willingly be with an addict. Nothing is worth the pain and heartache that comes with it. Nothing.

C0untDucku1a Tue 08-Jan-19 23:56:49


Notmyrealname85 Tue 08-Jan-19 23:56:52


Friend’s life was ruined by the constant (small then awfully large) failings of a respectable, quiet looking cocaine addict.

You are dating the addiction as well as him. He might also have managed to hide obvious things in the six months.

ScienceIsTruth Tue 08-Jan-19 23:59:49

Leave now, whilst you can still get out relatively unscathed.

sirmione16 Wed 09-Jan-19 00:07:25

You can't change people. Trust me. He needs to sort his life out before you consider anything further with him, end of story. It's only been 6 months - you can do that.

Auntiepatricia Wed 09-Jan-19 00:13:54

Oh god, I think you have a chance now to get out. I wouldn’t, couldn’t have drugs in my life. Life is hard enough. Being a family is hard enough without something awful and distructive like a drug addiction. I’m afraid I agree with the above.

Gunpowder Wed 09-Jan-19 00:17:18

Yep I’d leave too. Sorry. sad

wintersontheway Wed 09-Jan-19 00:28:35

A very close friend of mine met her do 13 years ago ...a confident girl, uni behind her, funny , attractive, lovable...she didn't know he 'used' when they first met... when she found out she thought she could be the one to help him off it... fast forward to now... 3 children later , living on her own.. his family blame her for his use.. he has broke her jaw, she didn't press charges !! she has had her car tyres slashed through money he owes ... the kids never know if they are going to get to see him on 'planned times/days' she is a total mess and currently on antidepressants and counselling. He dips in and out of her and the children's life, he's controlling when he's about.
It's a nasty, is heartbreaking to see , I see her name come up on my phone and think ... what's he done now... she's a shadow of the mate I knew all those years ago .. you can't get him off it , please walk away now before you are 'my friend'

judesmum04 Wed 23-Jan-19 20:50:14

I really think these replies are very harsh! I found out before Christmas that my HB is addicted to cocaine. Addicts need help if they want it and there is plenty help out their if you look. HB now goes to CA meetings and is amongst others who are dealing with the same thing If your boyfriend wants to stop and admits he needs help he needs someone to help him on his journey when people give up on addicts it can only make the situation worse. Regardless if you have been with him 6 months or 6 years if you love each other you'll stick by each other. Good luck with your journey.

Onacleardayyoucansee Wed 23-Jan-19 20:59:43

Crap advice @judesmum04...
Addiction is no respector of love.
And 'when people give up on addicts it can only make the situation worse'
For who?
Put him/his habit first then?

My (long and varied) experience would be to get out before you end up sicker than him.

BrokenWing Wed 23-Jan-19 21:17:11

Cut your losses and run. He's not the man you thought he was these last 6 months. Not LTR material, not the kind of man to settle with or have a family. He might get clean but he more likely might not any time soon, are you willing to waste time finding out?

HollowTalk Wed 23-Jan-19 21:18:46

I'd say get out now, too. You will never come first when someone's addicted and the cost to you in human and financial terms will be enormous.

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