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Found out DH is an addict...

(22 Posts)
BlueVelvet16 Sat 29-Dec-18 20:18:09

Hello,

I’m hoping someone can help.

My DH of 10+ years has recently told me he has spent the last 2 years almost constantly stoned on cannabis and in order to quit this he started taking LSD a couple of times a week in larger and larger doses. This worked, but obviously LSD isn’t a great solution...

We have a 1yo and I have just learned there were a couple of occasions he was high when he had sole responsibility for our child. Now I know this, he will not be having time with our child unless I am also there.

He’s very ashamed and depressed, wants counselling, wants to be totally clean and would like to attend NA meetings. What else can we do?

I had no idea. I don’t use drugs. I thought he was a brilliant father. I’m devastated.

I’d really appreciate some non judgemental advice about how to support him to get better.

snackarella Sat 29-Dec-18 20:19:17

I don't know what to say! Good luck. And I think it's going to be really hard

mistermagpie Sat 29-Dec-18 20:20:38

Could he see a GP and get referred for addiction support? My friend did this but she is an alcoholic so I'm not sure if that's a different process. Obviously there is rehab as well, a GP would be a good start.

I'm baffled that you didn't know though. Weed stinks and is pretty unmistakable!

Orchiddingme Sat 29-Dec-18 20:22:58

You can usually self-refer into your local addiction service (if it hasn't been cut). Also go to the GP. I would seek help that way as well as NA.

Orchiddingme Sat 29-Dec-18 20:24:02

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Drug%20addiction%20support/LocationSearch/339

XiCi Sat 29-Dec-18 20:29:39

Did you really not notice he was taking large doses of LSD? As far as I know neither cannabis or LSD are physically addictive so the counselling would just be for psychological dependence. Has he said why he uses? It's quite a bit leap from smoking cannabis to acid. I'd want to know where he got the stuff from and whether there is any in the home.

chipsandgin Sat 29-Dec-18 20:31:17

adfam.org.uk/

My parents both worked with people who had drug and alcohol problems, it would be worth contacting the charity above.

Cannabis addiction being solved by LSD seems very unusual - LSD is not typically a drug on which people can function on any level in a normal manner and it is very obvious (he wouldn't be able to hide it - or drive or look after a baby for example, physically his eyes would be wide and he would be behaving oddly, of all the recreational drugs it seems the least likely option, are you sure he is being truthful with you?).

I've heard of people with drug issues being functional on heroin, coke & speed and most variant of coke & speed (not crack though) - but with high doses of hallucinogens it would be near impossible.

Good luck - start with support for you and some extensive research so you can make informed decisions. Also if he really is doing acid then keep him away from your baby and don't leave him alone with them - it could be incredibly dangerous. I personally would leave - stay with family until you can work it out & put your child's welfare first.

FogCutter Sat 29-Dec-18 20:36:32

This sounds a bit odd, it's usually pretty obvious when someone has been taking cannabis or LSD plus there's the smell as PP mentioned.

Do you think he's telling the truth?

I'm wondering whether there's something else going on....

BlueVelvet16 Sat 29-Dec-18 20:39:23

Thank you. Yes I know it was acid and nothing else. He was microdosing at first so built up a tolerance. He bought it from a friend of his old colleague.

I had a friend who took a lot of lsd and was functional so I think it’s more about tolerance levels. Have no idea how I missed it though - I guess I’ve just been so busy with the baby and my job etc that I didn’t realise, or even imagine it would be something to worry about?!

BlueVelvet16 Sat 29-Dec-18 20:42:36

About not noticing the smell- I think it was a case of very little very often. Like 1 puff here and there throughout the day rather than a full on joint and being totally out of it.

enidlowrij Sat 29-Dec-18 20:43:46

My now ex was addicted to weed from age 12 to 25. It can cause drug induced schizophrenia. And did for my ex. And has actualy for many people my sister works with as a psychologist. Its why its class a drug. Schizophrenia has no cure. Its not the drug itself that addictive but the feeling of having no problems. So he really needs to find out what hes running from and why he feels he needs to escape. Also weed is known as a gateway drug to addictions into other drugs. Drugs that are actualy addictive on a diffrent level. He cannot quit cold turkey he will just relapse. Work on cutting it down. Ask him how much he smokes a day and work on reducing it week by week. You can also get help from nhs. But depending on where you live you might be on a very long waiting list. Like if you live in a large city. My ex got help like the following week but we live country side and obv schizophrenia played a huge role. Its amazing that hes told you and takes a lot to do so. But honestly what specialist will do is try to cut it down until hes able to go a day or two at a time without it before competely stopping. But you both really need to talk about what hes escaping because he might need therapy. And also weed is so fucking expensive literally like 2-3 spliffs cost 10 pounds. Imaging buying one cigarette for 5 pounds. Plus then you have to buy tobacco and rizla and lighter. Its a lot of money thats taken from his family. But do try to keep on positive side. Negativitiy will just want to make him smoke. Try and find some ted talks on youtube on quitting weed. Cycle of change is something to look into... thered indenial...acceptance...willingness to change...changing...relapse... indenaial and so forth the cycle goes. Its something like that so its good to remind him how far hes come that its just a relapse and to not focus on it and to celebrate how far hes come.

Restlessinthenorth Sat 29-Dec-18 20:46:52

GP can direct you to addiction services in your area. It's a bit of a postcode lottery though, dependent on where you are in the country.

As an addiction therapist myself, i would have significant concerns about the fact your child has been left alone with your partner whilst using, and would be considering an immediate referral to social care. I'm not saying this to put you off accessing services at all, but I would certainly be attending with him and explaining your plan to ensure this never happens again.

NA isn't your only mutual aid option. There will also be SMART recovery in your area, which lots of people prefer to 12 step approaches

enidlowrij Sat 29-Dec-18 20:51:37

Also agree with above comment. Lsd is a major concern. Asin social services will be ectreamly concerened if he was around your child on it. Like huge alarm bells. Social services work with thousands of parent that smoke weed and are high wilst taking care of their child as your able to function quite well on it obv there not ok with it but better than taking the child away. But lsd on the other hand... they would probably ask you to choose him or the children. Because no one can look after a child on it. It is very dangerous. Please please if he wants to take a drug please tell him to smoke over that drug. Coke anything is better than lsd with a child. I totally get not being able tobsmell it thou my ex covered it well. Hes smoke outside and stay out for a while after smoking change his coat and spray himself and take chewing gum. Its shameful and they know it and feel it so they do go to lengths to hide it.

BlueVelvet16 Sat 29-Dec-18 21:16:00

Thank you.

Do you think social services will allow him to stay if he doesn’t have any solo time with our child?

I want to do the right thing.

FWIW I don’t think he will take acid anymore - this is a big wake up call. But he needs support for his mental health so he doesn’t go back to weed.

My child is obviously my priority. But there’s no where else for either of us to go.

Restlessinthenorth Sat 29-Dec-18 21:20:25

In my experience, social care want to keep families together and will assess the entire situation/protective factors in your household. It's impossible to say what they might decide is best, but in my experience Being honest and upfront with them will serve you well.

You need to find out if you have a dual diagnosis team embedded within drug treatment services in your area. These are specialists in working with addiction and mental health needs.

BlueVelvet16 Sat 29-Dec-18 21:21:55

Thank you so much. I’m so so sad but this has really helped. God what a mess.

Youmadorwhat Sat 29-Dec-18 21:24:12

He needs to go to a rehabilitation center if possible. If he wants to truly deal with the root of his addiction and problem it would be best.

Restlessinthenorth Sat 29-Dec-18 21:24:13

Bluevelvet, I know this is a dark time, but honestly, people can and do recover from addiction.

There is no shame in this situation for you.

Lasagnefordinner Sat 29-Dec-18 21:32:11

I’m sorry i don’t mean to sound in helpful but I have never heard of lsd helping to quit weed. The two are completely different and the effects of lsd wouldn’t help with the craving for weed. Somethings not quite adding up here, I would be very wary.flowers

BlueVelvet16 Sat 29-Dec-18 22:03:36

If you have a quick google there’s a fair bit online that talks about it...not that I think it’s a good idea. But it’s definitely a thing that some people try.

BlueVelvet16 Wed 02-Jan-19 12:21:52

Hey again,

Just wanted to update - DH has been referred to relapse prevention with the local drugs/alcohol service. He’s been open and honest and so he has not been referred to social care as our child is safe and healthy and happy. I’m hoping he can now get the support he needs and we can mend things. It’ll be a long road.

Thank you again for all your help.

Restlessinthenorth Wed 02-Jan-19 18:46:08

Brilliant news, glad to hear he is getting some support

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