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My boyfriend is a compulsive liar and a drug addict

(5 Posts)
Mommycool24 Tue 18-Dec-18 16:27:03

So I'll try and make this as short as I can, I am with my partner of 5 years, we met when we were young and care/kid free, he smoked weed back then and snorted the odd bit of cocaine, I never did. We found out we were having a baby so he promised to cut everything out and all was going well and I believed he stopped and found out after about 6 months he didn't stop and was lying to me which really hurt me, I cried for days! He then did stop everything completely. Fast forward when our little boy was born he started doing cocaine again and eventually developed a really bad habit where he was secretly doing it every day and go into serious debt over it and had to sell his motorbike to get part of it paid off and left us really struggling. He again promised to go off it and I thought he did untill he got caught out yet again, he was leaving me in the house for hours on end lying about his wherw abouts and was really out sniffing Coke. It was so bad a part of his nose was rotting away and he ended up losing a lot of weight, I went through his phone one night and it was him texting a friend pretty much making a laugh about him being sneeky behind my back, he was texting his mate things like saying "fs she's still up have to wait till she goes to bed so I can come out and sniff" I thought he was being thoughtful sending me to bed early and he did all the cleaning up & tidying when really it was to get rid of me so he could do his drugs. I also found bits of rolled up paper that he used for sniffing on my child's nursery floor and on my living room floor and I found a little vile with cocaine in it hidden in his coat pocket and people were calling to my house looking money he owed them and knocking on my door looking to see if he had drugs they could buy, I had enough and said I was leaving him, he promised me he would stop for good this time and that me and our son meant too much to him to lose us. Silly me believed him, he swore on our sons life that was it. We moved after all the drama last month for a "fresh start" all was well but I noticed a change in him again and 3 days ago I found out he's smoking weed again and he admitted it and said he promises he's stop and GULLIBLE me believed him AGAIN and today he was acting weird and I asked him had he smoked weed since promising me the other day and he said yes! I threw him out and told him to go away and not come back. Please someone tell me what do I do? What is the right thing to here? Am I over reacting? There's so much more to add in this story but it's too much to write, he said lie down over and over and left me a paranoid mess please someone help me I've no one to turn to! I've explained over and over my feelings and how this makes me feel and he still doesn't stop it and then says sorry and he can't help it! I've done nothing but cry!

KnockMeDown Tue 18-Dec-18 16:30:28

What do you do? You stop believing him, and leave. That's it.

shuckleberryfinn Tue 18-Dec-18 16:39:02

you start referring to him as your Ex Boyfriend. I'm sorry you're having to live through this, kicking him out was the right thing to do. Now the hard part is working on keeping him gone. He loves the drugs more than he loves you, loves them more than your child. taking him back wont help him or you or your child. But it is hard, I know, I've been there. The only real chance he has to get over this is to hit the bottom. There are groups like Al anon for families of addicts, they can help.

Pinkypie22 Fri 04-Jan-19 12:47:06

I could have written your post pretty much word for word. I have no idea what to do either. So easy to say leave when you are not caught up in the situation yourself. Feel free to message me if you feel like talking.

Jpie Mon 21-Jan-19 07:48:58

Monmycool and pinkypie, I am in a really similar situation too. I know exactly what you're going through. I have left and said we will only live with him again once he's completed his "12 steps to recovery" - he's been attending Cocaine Anonymous meetings and has got a "sponsor" (like a mentor who's been so many years clean) so he's made some positive steps though he's still using, relapsing every week at least sad I'm just watching it all from afar now. I have a 2.5 year old son and I'm pregnant. We truly couldn't live with his awful mood swings anymore so I just had to leave. I knew he used since our son was born, and it was an awful source of contention in our relationship and caused us lots of problems, but he completely kept me in the dark to the true extent of the problem, that he had a full blown addiction, and all the financial debt that went with it. He only fessed up to me and his family etc about 2 months ago. I left about a month ago. I would recommend doing the same. I know you said you've already left too, I would set the boundary of he's not allowed to live with you again or spend any unsupervised time with your LO until he's done something similar to the 12 steps. Has he attended any group meetings for addictions? I've not been to any Al anon meetings yet but I know I should and do intend to, I know it's hard to get child care when you're on your own and left completely penniless, likely with an insecure child from all the disruption, trauma of witnessing a parent with bad mood swings and the arguments it causes, and confusion of not seeing that parent regularly anymore and of moving home. Your partner needs to know that your LO has to be your priority, not him. It's your LO who needs you most, and who is the true innocent victim of all this. I know the guilt you carry, but please remember it is not really your guilt to carry - HE ALONE has put you in this situation, the guilt is really all his. Message me anytime

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