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I am a father of three and a husband and need some help

(28 Posts)
Wilson69 Tue 13-Nov-18 21:03:18

I don't know how many men would post on here but here goes..
I have a beautiful, kind, loving wife who is also the most amazing mother.
We have an 8,4 and 3 month old.
I have myself had struggles with various mental health problems since my teens and people have struggled to diagnose my condition, it turns out I have severe social anxiety and on Monday decided that this partnered with using Alcohol and Recreational Drugs to numb the pain and try to be a different person and after the second time of my wife finding out about my drug taking, have finally admitted I have a problem and have sought some help and am now with the crisis team.
I just wanted to post as yesterday, for the first time ever I would have been happy to relieve myself and other people of this exhausting merry go round and also me always trying to be another person.
That's me and I feel so sorry for other people who have been in or near this situation, my advice is get some help before it's too late, you'll lose everything. Thanks for reading, a tired, emotional but determined young man.

LMRose Tue 13-Nov-18 21:09:53

Well done for admitting you have a problem, that's a tough step in itself!

Wilson69 Tue 13-Nov-18 21:27:59

Thank you very much

ItsABeatifulDayNow Tue 13-Nov-18 22:26:13

Proud. Of. You
First step to the REST of your life!
And as you mentioned you're a young man - it's all to play for.
Keep us posted on your progression if you'd like to (no pressure) and we can provide moral support or a head wobble when there are times you may understandably feel guilty or under attack for past behaviours.
But seriously, well done.
Has your OH been offered support too? It really is so important for her to have this after all she has been through to.

SealSong Tue 13-Nov-18 22:39:35

Well done for admitting you are struggling, and well done for getting help.
You have taken the first steps in making things better - be proud of that.
There is really effective treatment for anxiety - CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) is the best therapy and is very effective, do look into that.
Do make use of help for your drug and alcohol use - chances are you've been using those to try to mask/cope with your mental health difficulties. This is really common, but alcohol and substances only make matters worse in the long run - sounds like you've realised that though.
Just take one day at a time at the moment, each new day is a new opportunity for things to get better. Setbacks might happen, that is the nature of recovery, but try not to blame yourself and keep taking those forward steps. Just keep on accessing the help.
Wishing you all the best.

SealSong Tue 13-Nov-18 22:43:04

There is a great resource for men struggling with mental health issues - it involves peer support from other men, google 'Andy's Man Club', it might be available in your area

Oldstyle Tue 13-Nov-18 22:58:31

Well done Wilson. That first step is the critical one and takes courage. Do find out what support there is for your brilliant wife - it's tough coping alone with kids and an anxious/addicted partner and love isn't always enough. Good luck to you all. Keep us posted.

Wilson69 Wed 14-Nov-18 01:25:36

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, I've never posted on forums or done anything like this before but it's really overwhelming to hear words of support from understanding people.

Wilson69 Wed 14-Nov-18 01:26:59

Does anyone have any suggestions for who my wife may be able to get some help from?

Rachelover40 Wed 14-Nov-18 01:27:16

Bless you, you've shown great courage.

Shriek Wed 14-Nov-18 01:36:24

Go you!
What an inspiring message from someone so brave that's been battling so long.
Everything you spoken here is so brave to post, its not easy reaching out this way, and it shows a lot about how well you will recover if you keep this up!!!
I wish you every success.

You oh is going to need more support too I would imagine with a 3 mth old and two more.

Listen, you would devastate those around you, rather than 'relieve' them,but I do understand the sentiment. If ever you feel like that again, speak to someone. There are many understanding blokes, or women , you can speak to on the samaritans line 116123.
They can get you through the tough times, especially when perhaps it the middle of the night and you're alone.

Also here of course!!wink brew

Shriek Wed 14-Nov-18 01:37:57

I think aa support relatives too, very well I understand.
Her GP can refer her for some counselling, if she can access that with young DC being looked after.

Shriek Wed 14-Nov-18 01:41:41

As for your recovery, be very careful to choose wisely. You have to find a good 'fit' of counsellor. If you don't you can feel worse.
Cbt is like the NHS wonder drug, but it might not be for you, its not 'all that' for many. I've heard the fall out. Pick and choose till you feel well supported as if it doesn't feel like help, then its not.

Ifeelinclined Wed 14-Nov-18 01:45:10

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. You can get through this! Use all of the help available to you, and keep your wife in the loop. Addiction is so tough, but you can get it under control. Deal with the anxiety issues, and start learning new ways to cope. You can do this!

Shriek Wed 14-Nov-18 01:52:29

Oh...and yes, men do post here!!! You are certainly not alone in that! smile

BitOfFun Wed 14-Nov-18 01:55:49

Good on you, pal.

Shriek Wed 14-Nov-18 21:38:10

@wilson69 how are you doing?

Wilson69 Thu 15-Nov-18 07:00:05

Just at the moment feeling quite tearful a lot of the time and trying to understand why I have done the things I have, which I know won't happen overnight.
I have the crisis team visiting me once a day and they seem to be helping as well.
Realising the mistakes I have made, the time and money spent in pubs until 3am and the mornings after of not being present with my wife and children is hurting most I think.
Thanks for all the messages of support.

Shriek Thu 15-Nov-18 17:37:18

You are brave confronting and processing this, it will pass. You will stop crying, things will change.

Glad to hear something is helping.

Take care, small steps, you will get there

Prestonsflowers Thu 15-Nov-18 17:50:06

Wilson, you may think that you’re being weak but this is you at your strongest
Admitting that you have problems and have difficulty dealing with them is probably going to be the bravest thing you have done.
Please try not to beat yourself up too much for past behaviour, maybe try the one day at a time attitude
Wishing you all the best
I’ve been where you are and well done for getting this far.

Wilson69 Thu 15-Nov-18 22:01:16

Does anyone have any good alternatives to CBT that work for Social Anxiety?

Shriek Thu 15-Nov-18 22:43:28

It sounds like a 6 session NHS counselling is insufficient for your needs. You crisis team should have knowledge and access to many therapies. Have a talk with them about whats potentially on offer.

If you can pay then an experienced psychologist in social anxiety can work with you to build trust and start to challenge some of the issues holding you back.
There are lists of counsellors. It really depends what stage you are at and where its stemmed from.

elspethbrook Wed 28-Nov-18 01:15:47

Yes, emotional freedom technique (EFT) and mindfulness work a treat for me. I’m a recovering addict and have been clean a while. You will get there, just keep at it. I also go to narcotics anonymous (NA) for continuing support.

Lara53 Sat 05-Jan-19 18:56:26

My brother has had great success with hypnotherapy for Anxiety, social anxiety and depression, but of course not available on NHS. He found CBT and group counselling useless as due to social anxiety he couldn’t talk

Urbanbeetler Sat 05-Jan-19 18:59:04

How’s your wife doing?

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