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(12 Posts)
ll124 Fri 10-Aug-18 13:52:33

Hi, there is obviously a long back story but it's come to a head today that my husband needs help with his online gambling addiction. Does anyone have any advice on the best course of action? Should we first visit the GP? I think he would prefer CBT over a group type setting as he really doesn't feel comfortable with that idea. Would the GP just refer him to GA or do you think there would be other options? He's already on some strong medication for anxiety so I don't know if medication would help. Thanks in advance

DaydreamBelieverer Fri 24-Aug-18 04:59:03

The best solution is to sign into any accounts and withdraw if possible. Although there's that many sites it's so hard as you just end up on lower class sites.

Part of the battle is DH realising there is a problem. I guess as with addictions it's the thrill of the chase and what if factor. The earlier one discovers these sites run as they make so much money from users.

I can think of a few companies, they have an umbrella group. So people can multi account. So if you set up a limit, you join a sister site, referring to the above though I think it's important to see JP's & games run on all these sites. So you have people going crazy for a JP, you have people on say 5 sites chasing the same.

Having the mentality of money doesn't make you happy, possibly helps, in life the things that are free make most very happy.

DaydreamBelieverer Fri 24-Aug-18 04:59:36

Hope you got help for OH. Best of luck OP.

ll124 Fri 24-Aug-18 16:23:09

Thank you for the reply @DaydreamBelieverer. We went through as many sites as possible and put a lifetime ban on. Although like you say there's that many sites around that I'm sure he would find one if he wanted.
We've had a bit of a rough few weeks with it as I've realised how bad it really is and how much debt he's got himself in to.
He's agreed to let me take over the finances and agreed I can check his bank on a monthly basis to make sure he isn't gambling. Finding it really sad that I have to do this though.
You're right about money not making you happy. He told me that he see's gambling as his only way of getting the money he needs to pay his debts - he gets a decent wage but it's not enough to pay all the loans he's taken out.

WhenTheSharkBites Sun 26-Aug-18 21:41:04

@ll124 he needs to register with Gamstop. It will deregister him from all of his online accounts for up to five years and then he would have to go to each individual company to reregister after that five years.
He will need to deregister from jackpotjoy independently.

Most companies are signed up and by the end of this year they should all be

GamHelp Tue 28-Aug-18 11:21:26

Sorry to hear @ll124.

Unfortunately it's not enough to come clean to your partner, ban yourself from some sites (which don't ban you for long and continue to send you free bets etc) and have your bank account checked every now and then. It's a full blown addiction and half measures won't do it, sorry. Its also unlikely that you know the full story.

Suggest you check my blog for a Checklist of things you need to do to properly combat a Gambling addiction.

Please let me know if you've got any questions, and let me know how things are going.

scorpio32 Tue 28-Aug-18 11:42:00

Great checklist GamHelp.

Op, read the post that GamHelp has created and get your husband to read it too. Then do the things listed. All of them.

Get him to attend GA meetings. While I understand his anxiety the people at the meetings understand what he has been going through far better than anyone else, and WANT to help him.

I've been off for nearly 7 years and I still regularly attend GA meetings. May I need them, maybe I don't, but I'd rather not take the risk of finding out that I genuinely still DO need them.

Good luck.

ll124 Wed 29-Aug-18 23:06:23

Thank you for the replies

@WhenTheSharkBites I have just registered him with GameStop thank you for letting me know about that.

@GamHelp I really do worry, and believe too, that this is the case. Unfortunately that is all I can do from my end. I agree with yourself and @scorpio32 that he should attend GA meetings and seek some more support but he is insisting that he is able to stop alone if I control his money. I feel as though I am going to have to leave him to fail again before I can push him in to these meetings. Although he has admitted he does have a problem, I don't think he believes it is as bad as it actually is.

ll124 Wed 29-Aug-18 23:07:52

Also your checklist is really helpful @GamHelp. I am going to forward it to my husband, thank you.

scorpio32 Thu 30-Aug-18 07:29:00

It's not about stopping, it's about staying stopped. It's very difficult to do that on your own. It's easier with GA, but not guaranteed.

It sounds like he doesn't want to stop and if that's the case, there's not much you can do but protect yourself.

scorpio32 Thu 30-Aug-18 07:30:50

Get him to switch away from a smartphone and also install blocking software on any computers/tablets you have at home.

GamHelp Fri 31-Aug-18 15:32:58

@ ll124 Make sure your own finances are protected, ie. joint accounts, so that when it hits the fan again then he has only done his own salary.

Actually if he is genuine about stopping and staying stopped, then he will have no problem having his salary paid straight into your account so you can pay mortgage/rent. But if he protests then you know he is not ready to give it up yet.

I have also known gamblers take out loans in their partner's name. I advise you to setup an account on CheckMyFile.com and check your credit rating (which will be affected by his). Free for 30 days. Better to know the facts.

Highly recommend he also does the same (which will show all HIS bank and card accounts) so again if he protests then I would insist. You need assurances and your own evidence that it won't happen again.

As for controlling finances, checking his account to see if anything has gone out is not control? Control is where all money coming into the household comes to you and you alone. You then pay bills, fill up the car, then give him what he needs on a daily basis (for which he provides receipts without fail). This is how the majority of recovering problem gamblers have to work, as the partner has been told too many lies. Trust is no longer the goal, its 100% Transparency.

If he's been on the gambling rollercoaster then its no suprise he is on meds for anxiety. And the thought of the debts will make him want to gamble more. He would definitely benefit from a GA meeting - even one - to enable him to relate and open up to others.

Let me know if any new developments, all the best

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