Feeling Lost

[Unbroken82]

I'm a my of 5.. I'm also a recovering addict have been struggling with addiction since I was 15(thanks to my loving uncle) now 36 on and off for over 20yrs now.. Right now I'm off but barley staying afloat. I don't know where to turn.. I feel I'm doing a shit job with my babies.. My 8yr old has adhd asd spd and is very challenging he sends my anxiety into overdrive I feel like I'm angry all the time and my babies deserve so much better.. When I'm clean my anxiety and depression take over and affects my parenting and when I use it affects parenting I don't know what's worse though? I feel so isolated as I have cut everyone out of my life as majority of my friends use.. I just want better for my babies and I really don't think I'm that.. I'm just going through the motions with them ATM I'm here but I'm not.. Im so scared that I am fucking them up.. I want so much more for them but I really feel Im am passing my baggage on them..

[Monday2018]

Have you tried to find new friends? Getting out and about, keeping busy could help with your depression. Children are very understanding, focus on them, tell them how much you love them and do things together with them. When I'm feeling depressed I focus on my daughter, take her to the park or beach, make thinks (craft) with her or do some baking. I find quality time with her helps me feel happier and she loves the attention.

[flatwhite45]

Unbroken, I relate to so much of your post. Up until 9 months ago I was using coke on a very regular basis. I have three little ones 9, 6 and 3. My life was slowly falling apart, it took all I had just to get through the day and keep my girls dressed, fed and safe. Life was shit when using and shit when not using. I am now nine months clean and really living not just existing. For me the answer came in the form of a twelve step programme. Us addicts need to replace the feeling of emptiness with something else. The programme did this for me. Please contact your GP and perhaps your local NA/AA. You can get better and live a more happy fulfilling life