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Ex addict new compulsions

(19 Posts)
Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 14:19:29

I used to be a “wreck head” eg. Take any and every drug I could get “wrecked” on.

Now I am prescribed lots of medication for MH and pain some are opiate or benzodiazepine based. I also buy over the counter a fair amount. I smoke cigarettes sometimes and do lots of scratch cards.

Recently I’ve been drinking a bit of alcohol which I stopped completely for a few years.

I am addicted to social media completely and so it affects my life a lot. I also cut myself off from friends and my hubby smokes a lot of weed.

This feels very codependent. I borrow lots of money to support all this eg. Credit cards and loans. I feel exhausted all the time.

I am also addicted to online shopping and seeing if I pass credit checks for things (gives me a kick). I buy stuff we don’t need then sell it half price when I can’t be bothered to return it.

I am having counselling. Previously tried 12 step but it feels like bullshit and I don’t believe in abstinence, but it’s building and getting a little out of hand with compulsions popping up everywhere.

I am also on a strict calorie controlled diet and exercise every day.

Any help much appreciated. No idea if I’m in the right place.

Name change for privacy. 😊

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 16:01:50

If you don't believe in abstinence why did you stop drinking for a few years?

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 16:26:35

Pregnancies and because I don’t drink unless I am sharing, I would never drink alone

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 16:39:28

It sounds like you have something like an addictive personality. The thinking about this issue has changed with current research:

www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-addictive-personality-isn-t-what-you-think-it-is/

A lot of what you're doing is self destructive, at least in the long run, and the mental health meds you're on are highly habit forming, if not addictive.

Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD?

BTW, I'm a recovering alcoholic, so no judgment from me.

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 17:58:01

Diagnosed as Either BPD or Bipolar 2 depending who you talk to, anxiety, depression and OCD thoughts but without compulsions (I know right!) and PTSD

Moved areas a lot and every Psychiatrist has a different opinion

I’ve tried CBT and DBT, counselling as well and rehab a million years ago.

Do you follow 12 steps, are you abstinent? Do you have another way?

Thanks

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:00:45

I’m a “type a” personality apparently but with lots of issues which mean I don’t achieve as much as you’d expect

I have a love hate relationship with pain- I hurt myself in the gym pushing myself to hard but then take pain relief for the smallest cold or tooth ache 😂

I’ve always got straight A’s but also not turned up to exams due to anxiety so I’m a mixed bag I guess

The book looks interesting, thanks for the link

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 18:16:34

Do you follow 12 steps, are you abstinent? Do you have another way?

I've been abstinent for 23 years, thank God.

I did get sober in AA but I wasn't fanatical about the program and there were some steps that didn't seem to make much sense for me, so I skipped them. I moved house after 6 years in AA and never bothered to find a new group. I had learned what I needed to learn by that point and was in stable sobriety. I was also married and a new mum so didn't have the time for meetings. smile

I'm sorry, but I don't have another way. I have to stop completely anything that can hook me in. The word "moderation" was never written into my book, unfortunately.

You're welcome for the link. I am a voracious researcher on medical issues, particularly ones I have.

Bipolar is very tough indeed. Are you on lithium?

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:20:42

I am an avid researcher too. I did do 90 days 90 meetings etc. Years back but couldn’t really get my head into it.

I guess it’s better to find healthy compulsions and try to learn moderation.

But as you said not all of us are able to do that.

I think I’m going through a rough patch at the moment so that’s not helping things.

I’m on Aripiprazole and Diazepam A’s mood stabilisers x

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:23:51

If this combo doesn’t work it will be lithium as I cannot take anything else and I’ve tried almost every other medication

Sometimes I wonder if it’s not mania but actually just my bass line and the depressive phases are just burn out from pushing myself too hard.

I do think I need some mega therapy though. I grew up with an alcoholic/ exercise and cleaning addict and a codependent (who was also a sugar and nicotine addict) so I guess I was never going to have no issues with moderation etc.

I’m glad marriage and kids have helped you know and will reconsider my stance on wine drinking.

Sometimes a glass is just what I need, but a bottle is always a mistake x

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 18:32:50

I’m glad marriage and kids have helped you know and will reconsider my stance on wine drinking.

Sometimes a glass is just what I need, but a bottle is always a mistake

Thanks. For me one drink is too many and a dozen isn't enough. And thanks for reminding me of how much I have to be thankful for. That's good with Thanksgiving coming up so soon (I'm a yank).

Does your DH give any support? There is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep trying.

{Hugs}

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:37:44

Thanks 😊
I hope one day so can just feel happy with who I am and not always want to change where I’m at, how I look, where I live, what I do etc.
Self improvement and self destruction all at once it’s exhausting.

I’d love to be off the treadmill.

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 19:01:44

How old are your kids? I ask because if you can leave them with your husband without worry you might try to find a local mental health support group.

I think the biggest reason I stuck with AA for six years was the social aspect of it. I made real friends there, they cared if I turned up and we helped each other through the rough bits. People, especially women, are inherently social beings, I think if you could find someplace welcoming and non-judgmental to go once a week and spend some time with people who have similar struggles it might do you a world of good.

Perhaps ask your current therapist/psychiatrist what might be available. There's a corny old saying in AA, "You alone must do it but you cannot do it alone".

Corny but perhaps with some truth at the center.

I feel your struggle, dear. I'm so sorry I don't have more to offer.

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:45:23

I would be too scared to go tbh. I have anxiety about groups. I had panic attacks when I tried to go to 12 step

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 20:14:37

I am fresh out of ideas then. sad

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 20:19:33

I think I just needed to write it all down. I keep too much to myself I think. Even with my counsellor I don’t tell her what’s going on wth me fully x

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 20:52:47

What about CBT? X

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 22:25:38

I think that writing it all down is an excellent idea. Perhaps you could then take it with you when you see your counselor and share it with her.

I was going to suggest CBT - it's highly effective for compulsive disorders but you said up at the top that you had already tried it:

I’ve tried CBT and DBT, counselling as well and rehab a million years ago

Perhaps you're in a different place now and CBT would be more fruitful this time.

Bubblebug1 Sun 05-Nov-17 22:36:22

All recent therapy wise (some current)

It’s the rehab that was a million years ago

Sorry I realise how that was confusing

MissConductUS Sun 05-Nov-17 23:02:38

No problem. Can your current therapist do CBT or would she have to refer you?

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