How to help/when to leave(3 Posts)
I don't know whether I'm after advice or peoples experiences to be honest, just need to get it off my chest.
My usually kind and thoughtful husband of 13 years has always struggled with addiction/depression in varying forms and severity. The reprieve in his addictive behaviours have always been enough to make me stay, in the hope that this is the time it gets better (obviously it never is!) I have recently discovered he has been hiding a codeine addiction and whilst I have tried to support him through it he continues to be deceitful; hiding stashes of alcohol and codeine in the house then getting to the point he has been admitted to hospital 3 times in as many months. The difference now is we have one child and another on the way. He recently missed his childs birthday as he was comatose on codeine, this is after I gave him a 'deadline' to start getting his act together.
I have held off leaving as I can't face explaining to family, especially if we managed to reconcile. I also worry that he would spiral further out of control and rightly or wrongly I feel responsible. I spoke to him about separating for a while but he says he will kill himself if I take his kids away from him (I have always said I would make sure they had regular contact)
After this last incident of missing his childs birthday (he also ended up comatose in the evening and is still passed out now) I'm thinking I need to stay with my mum for at least a few day's to get my head straight and try to de-stress. Do you think this might shock him into realising what he might lose, has anyone had some time apart and it help? I'm scared he's going to self destruct but I can't keep doing this when I'm heavily pregnant and have a toddler to care for.
He is seeing a drug support worker but he seems useless as he supposedly says it's not that bad as he's holding down a job etc.
He has had counselling and is on antidepressants (personally I think his behaviour has been worse since being on these) Is there anything else that may be helpful?
Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance to anyone who can help.
Also, if I do decide to go do I want until he wakes up or should I go and just leave a note (that seems cruel but every time I've waited he has talked me round) If I do go I planned to drop round with the toddler so they got some time toget her (and I could check on him) is that a bad idea?
I think you def should go and stay with your mum for a while and give yourself some headspace
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