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Addiction support

Coming off coke

23 replies

qwertybertie · 12/09/2017 23:39

NC'd for this.

My DH has until recently been using coke for the last 10 years or so. I only found out a year or so ago. His behaviour was such that I thought he was bipolar. When I found out, he promised he's stopped it. When on it, he was extremely paranoid, very abusive & very lethargic.

He's been off it for a few months now but is suffering from depression (on ADs), slightly anxious at times but can't stop sleeping all the time & has lost his 'mojo'.

Can anyone with experience of supporting someone coming off coke tell me what to expect in terms of recovery. How long? Is he experiencing common symptoms? Is thrtr anything that can be done to help?

OP posts:

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endofthelinefinally · 12/09/2017 23:41

All I can say to you is please insist he gets professional help. Even if you have to pay for it.
It is the worst thing to try and get off.
My son is dead because of it.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 12/09/2017 23:42

To paraphrase the wonderful Caroline Aherne, what on earth attracted you to this man: extremely paranoid, very abusive & very lethargic?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 12/09/2017 23:42

That is everyone's idea of a nightmare.

qwertybertie · 12/09/2017 23:51

It is a nightmare, I agree.

Have been to clinic about rehab which he refuses to do. Maintains all he needs is for me to be patient with him. He is very tearful too. Lots of people have kept their distance.

I'm pleased that the paranoia & aggression has pretty much stopped but it's the constant sleeping & not participating that is wearing me down.

I feel quite hollow. He went to bed (separate room) at 7pm tonight as he felt cold. I feel lonely.

OP posts:

MyBrilliantDisguise · 12/09/2017 23:54

What happened in your past to make you have such low standards, OP? Is this what you dreamed of when you were young?

ParkheadParadise · 13/09/2017 00:14

My dd went into rehab to come off drugs.
10 years is a long time. Did he take anything else?

Earlyriser84 · 13/09/2017 00:20

If he doesn't want rehab some addiction recovery organisations will provide a key worker that will support him through it ? Not sure whether you have already looked into that though ?

Can GP help with withdrawal ?

qwertybertie · 13/09/2017 00:20

I'm not aware he took anything else. I did ask him and he said no.

The problem is you can't force someone to do rehab as it would be a pointless exercise if not fully on board.

I want to try to help (and understand) him in this phase. We have been together a long time. However, I'm not prepared to live the rest of my life like this. If I can see that he is making an effort to get better then fine. If not, then I will ultimately leave.

I just would like to hear from anyone who has come off coke (or people who have supported them) to understand their mindset.

OP posts:

qwertybertie · 13/09/2017 00:22

GP just gave him a leaflet with an organisation to call.

OP posts:

MyBrilliantDisguise · 13/09/2017 00:28

There's a thread on here where the posters are trying to come off coke. They seem to be desperate for it and struggle to come off it.

ParkheadParadise · 13/09/2017 00:32

I agree you can't force him. He has to want to go into rehab, which is not a easy thing to do.
My dd did rehab twice.
What I will say is addicts lie and it really difficult to live with someone when your always wondering what they are up too.

qwertybertie · 13/09/2017 00:42

Park - that is what I worry about - is he lying to me? He seems genuine but I doubt my judgment sometimes. He has seemingly removed himself from the environment he was in but he maintains he took it to self medicate & not to be social.

OP posts:

qwertybertie · 13/09/2017 00:45

I don't want to abandon him if he is trying but I don't think I can go on forever like this. It's like being in no mans land.

OP posts:

smellybeanpole · 13/09/2017 00:55

Mybrilliantdisguise- that's a shitty thing to say.
OP it's great that you're deciding to stand by him. But it's a very long abd difficult road. For both of you.

ParkheadParadise · 13/09/2017 01:03

So did he just stop taking it?
Does he go to a support group?
I actually joined a local support group. It was really helpful to me. Is that something you would consider?

qwertybertie · 13/09/2017 07:56

Yes, he did just stop taking it (relapsed a few times) & has seen a drug counsellor a few times but not recently.

He us struggling with tiredness & feeling low.

I might join a group as it sounds like a good source of support for m too.

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 17/09/2017 09:06

I think you should join a carers support group. They cant offer you any help but they can educate you about what you are dealing with.
There is a high probability he is getting valium off the internet or street to cope with withdrawal.
He really should be in rehab to be safe.
I am afraid addicts do lie. To themselves as well as everyone else.
Their heads get so messed up.

cmwlocal76 · 19/09/2017 20:15

Your comments 'mybrilliantdisguise' are disgusting. The post reads that she was unaware of her partners problem. 'What happened in your past to have such low standards'??? Your just a cunt

endofthelinefinally · 19/09/2017 21:17

I joined a carers support group.
They really cannot offer any help.
I have learned more about coke addiction since my son died than I knew before.
I can only tell you from my experience that addiction is a horrible illness.
Addicts cannot detox without sustained specialist help.
This help will not be forthcoming from anywhere unless the addict seeks it on their own behalf.
And even then it will be an uphill struggle as services are stretched to breaking point.
My son asked for help and was refused due to staff shortages.
He was 27. He died last year.
GPs IME are very little help.
Crisis team also no help.
Coke is very expensive.
If your dp is willing to channel that money into private rehab he might have a chance.
Once an addict always an addict.
Most will need lifetime support to stay clean.

endofthelinefinally · 19/09/2017 21:18

Sorry. I meant carers support groups cannot offer practical help.

AuntyElle · 19/09/2017 21:41

OP, definitely find a support group for yourself, especially as he isn't engaging with rehab or other professional support himself.
www.adfam.org.uk/families
www.nar-anon.co.uk/newcomers

Lobsterquadrille2 · 19/09/2017 22:32

Hi OP, I'm a recovering alcoholic and many AA members are also recovering cocaine addicts. They tend to do AA, CA and NA meetings together. Would this be something your DP would attend?

Lobsterquadrille2 · 19/09/2017 22:34

Oh and yes, of course addicts lie. But once they decide that they've reached the end, they get a sponsor and are 100% truthful because they accept that they're not going to be judged and would just be lying to themselves.

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