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Dp cocaine addict - next steps and positive stories?

(15 Posts)
Yell0915 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:55:48

Nc for this
Dp is addicted to cocaine, uses every night and has been for a while, can go 2 or 3 nights without it but then cracks

I have tried all the usual tricks but with 2 dc have now reached the point where he has to leave
Just wanted to hear stories of people in similar situations - what is the next step?
He had a very very bad childhood and has not had a great adulthood as a consequence of this - he admits that he needs some sort of help as this is part of the problem, he also admits he is addicted.
I know that if he did quit that it would be constant work for him to stay off it but has anyone/anyone's dp managed to stop taking cocaine/other drugs and kept their relationships etc

Sorry if I'm babbling just have so going
On in my head ATM and just trying to get a grip on it all

WienerDiva Mon 30-Jan-17 12:10:07


I have only limited experience in all of this.
Firstly, does he really want to stop? And has he been to the go?

Yell0915 Mon 30-Jan-17 12:47:21

I believe he does this time (has said it before and not lasted more than a week)
He hasn't been to GP yet, I think he is wary of having it 'on record' but he also has a fear of DRs due to issue as a teen but trying to convince him to go just to be referred for some counselling,
He went to a NA meeting last night so that is a positive step although he wants to look for an alternative meeting as he felt it was very religious led (he's an atheist) we live near a city so I'm sure there are other meetings available

WienerDiva Mon 30-Jan-17 13:08:31

SMART is a great service that helps and is a great alternative to NA.
They are great at not making you feel bad if you have a relapse, they look at finding out why you relapsed and recognising the emotions etc behind it.
They're quite humanist rather than religious in their approach.

Yell0915 Mon 30-Jan-17 13:17:44

That sounds like something that would suit him, will look into it
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it smile

WienerDiva Mon 30-Jan-17 13:32:15

Not a problem at all.
Like I said I have only limited experience and it's only been very recent.
The person I know has been clean for a good 2.5 months now, but they've had to make some seriously drastic changes to their life.
Depression is a massive part of it too. Plus the hurdles they are encountering with their depression normally equate to then having "waves" of wanting to reuse.
It might also be worth while talking to your dp what emotions he feels before he feels like he want to reuse again? And also what feelings he enjoys when he is using?
It's normally only a half an hour buzz that gives confidence and renewed zest. But it's temporary.

The other thing to mention is something I was told, initially it was recreational, like having a few shots, to enhance an already enjoyable time.
But then when using even became miserable that's when they realised it had to addressed. Is your partner not even enjoying taking coke anymore?

Yell0915 Mon 30-Jan-17 14:58:43

He knows the triggers, some are manageable e.g. Alcohol but boredom and stress are not as easy to manage
He enjoys the first line, said it's like an escape but after that he doesn't enjoy it so you've hit the nail on the head there.
Like I said he's said many times before he wants to stop but this time just seems a bit different and I hope that he really will
It turns him into a completely different person and not a nice one, snappy and paranoid and doing it so regularly is obviously not good for his health which is a big worry

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Mon 30-Jan-17 15:04:40

Lots of good advice and links through Talk To Frank.

You could probably do with some support too - it's hard living with and supporting someone with addictions.

WaitrosePigeon Mon 30-Jan-17 15:05:36

Does he want to stop yet?

WienerDiva Mon 30-Jan-17 15:34:11

His health is a major consideration. Again, speaking to the GP and asking for a physical examination might just bring home the realities of what it's doing to his body.

Getting some regular exercise will help alleviate the boredom and stress. I know it's helped the person I know.

flatwhite45 Tue 31-Jan-17 08:23:37

Yell, have you read our thread 'cold turkey?' It's a bunch of mums who have issues with cocaine. It may help you to get into the head of an addict. From what you have said about your DH, it sounds like he really really wants to stop. Stopping for one week and joining NA are pretty massive steps, and shouldn't be underestimated. However I think it would be extremely naive to think he will be able to give up first time round. Cocaine is one of the most addictive drugs, it rewires your brain so that you feel it's the only way to experience real pleasure. It absolutely is possible to get over it, but he will need lots of time and patience from you. Obviously it's your call, you would be well within your rights to feel you can't put yourself through it. Do pop into our thread across the way, we are a friendly bunch and surprisingly normal.

flatwhite45 Tue 31-Jan-17 08:30:33

Also I note from your thread you want positive stories of recovery, if you scroll down our thread there are two or three people who are now recovered.

Yell0915 Tue 31-Jan-17 13:53:12

Thanks everyone, some really good advice here and I am thankful that I can air it out without him/me being judged.
I will pop over to the cold turkey thread and have a read through.
Thank you again everyone flowers

WienerDiva Tue 31-Jan-17 14:58:08

Sending you support and love. Not very mumsnetty but I don't care.

I'll speak to the person I know going through it and see what else they advise flowers

Yell0915 Tue 31-Jan-17 18:41:22

Thank you wiener I'm over on the cold turkey thread, will have a read through later on smile

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