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Weed - my guilty pleasure

(46 Posts)
RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Thu 19-Jan-17 22:50:34

I smoke weed, there, I said it. It's my guilty pleasure!

I know I need to stop, I want to but it's so fucking hard. Problem being I enjoy it, I remember the 1st time at 17 and thinking this is me and that was it.. hooked! I would say I have smoked it everyday since, apart from the odd attempt to give up.. its sad I know.

I want to give up because I'm 35 now and have a beautiful little girl, she's one and I shouldn't have started up again after I gave birth but of course there was an excuse to.. There always is.

It chills me out, I can function on it.. I'm happy to go without during the day, when I'm working or with family (I smoked everyday yet hid it successfully for 15yrs whilst I lived at home) it's not an issue then. but that's because I know I'll have some later, I always make sure I have some later, it's like I reward myself for getting through the day and kick back and chill when I get home and the babies in bed.

It has to stop thou, I guess I'm looking for likeminded people who feel the need to have something whether it's weed, alcohol other drugs etc.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this post it's something very private to me and not sure how this will help, but if you've got a guilty pleasure too let me know what your thoughts are on why you do it - do we all just in fact need a coping mechanism for life?

NoahsArkxx Thu 19-Jan-17 23:17:17

I totally agree. I'm 20 and have been smoking it every day for 5 years and throughout most of my pregnancy too ( I didn't find out til I was 27 weeks). I smoked it at school and college for fun. Then I started working and it became a reward after a long day on my feet or a day on the phones to rude customers. When I had LO I was like I probably won't smoke it again because I was scared I'd get as high as I used to. Then my brothers best friend gave me a little bit of hash as a birthing gift haha and it lasted me ages. Then I thought you know what hash is quite good I can still function the morning after and I'm not tired. So I got some more and it lasted me a little longer then more and more and building up a tolerance it would start to last me less time. By this point I was like I'm never going back to skunk as this was just so good! I liked the taste, the smell and just the satisfaction of rolling it. Anyway the guy I was getting it off stopped coming around the area as much so it became harder and harder to get it. This is when I decided to start smoking skunk every now and then. Starting by sharing a joint with my brother having a few puffs here and there. Then on to my own small ones gradually getting bigger as again my tolerance was going up. Now I smoke it everyday again, not as much in quantity as I used to but still.. everyday.

I know it's bad too but it's just a habit and it's relaxing. I like to go outside at night and watch the stars and listen to music when LO is in bed and I just take the time to chill out and think about life. Sometimes it is nice to have a break but as you say there is always an excuse to go back to it. I know I need to quit but I'm not one of them people who will sit around and smoke it all day (anymore!). I guess it can't be that bad..? Or maybe I'm just kidding myself..?😅

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Fri 20-Jan-17 15:45:44

Exactly this ^^ NoahsArk! The joy of the nighttime chill, carefree bliss.. I love that time of night! I stopped for a year and did so much with my life.. I got a new job, bought a house, got my eyes lasered.. felt good about myself and then my dear bf proposed and got me a bag cos he knew how much I loved the stuff and that was it, me back to square one but very grateful at the same time!

U should totally enjoy the time you have with it now NoahsArk.. I would have loved to have my own place and smoked it back then instead of driving anywhere and everywhere just to stay away from home to get wrecked!

Now it's become a necessity, you know what it's like with a newborn.. so unbelievably needed! But now she's one and it really if affecting my life and my relationship in such a bad way. I've thought of going for counselling but have fuck all in the account to pay for it and I Darn't go to doctors and admit I smoke!! Aaargh I so want it not to be an issue 😢 Maybe I'm making it into an issue by over thinking? But the only way I seem to stop overthinking is by rolling a smoke 🤔

Thank for replying, it made me feel good to know there's someone else out there who knows the feeling .. guilty pleasure sums it up perfectly!

NoahsArkxx Sat 21-Jan-17 21:34:36

Yeah I know what you mean. It's hard because it's so satisfying but no matter what I've seen it change people and I've seen it in myself. It's not so bad that I'm incompetent but I'm definitely different.

I definitely think you are overthinking it. You just have to do what you think is best, maybe start smoking hash? I found it less strong and you feel less mongy. Either that or just cut down slowly. I don't know what else to suggest, I've never really thought about it until now!

I hope this helps, let me know what you decide to do as I should probably start thinking about it to and would probably help to have someone to talk to about it!

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Jan-17 21:39:26

Investigate the link between weed use and MH problems. Plus it's illegal and you could have serious problems if its discovered you have illegal drugs in the house and a child.
Don't cut down. Stop. FFS.

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Sat 21-Jan-17 22:33:34

Thanks Noah! I'm on my last couple.. going to try stop again on Monday just a bit worried about exploding on my dh and imploding on my thoughts aaargh going to try and keep myself busy but changing a habit of a lifetime is going to be hard! Wish I could be one of these people who can just smoke it at parties and be perfectly happy without the rest of the time! I don't like the idea of it controlling my life the way it does. When I gave up I was so shocked at all the problems it was causing me without even realising it!! .. I stoped having to worry about where I could get the next bag from, who might pop by and smell it on me, where I'd hide it if police pulled me over.. the list goes on.. & especially now I have my daughter.

don't think I've ever tried hash! It's always been about the skunk for me lol

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Sat 21-Jan-17 22:48:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ymmv Sun 22-Jan-17 10:23:03

I think you need to find something to replace it. Or at least feel like you're doing something as a treat for you and to chill out. Obviously having a bath won't cut it! I use weed as a little escape from the mundane and it stems my boredom so I've found some hobbies that aren't possible high and I've also got back into reading books (which I never thought I would as my attention span is bollocks - because the internet not weed). Also I've been doing some mindfulness and started a diary but only for when my thoughts are churning not every day.
Also just delay, you don't have to have one last joint and then throw it out. Just decide to have a night off and keep having a night off. Delay, distract tactics.

balence49 Sun 29-Jan-17 08:23:54

Can I join in...
been smoking every day (apart from when pregnant or breastfeeding) for more than half my life... about 20 years.
Been with dh over ten years and it's a joint habit, no pun intended.
Really need to do something about it but just no idea about how to go about it. Some of the things you are all saying ring true. My dh has mental health issues and I feel he self medicated with it for years but now we really need to pack it in.

BlueFolly Sun 29-Jan-17 22:56:15

I know what you mean about having a partner who's as bad as you are. In a way it's great, but at other times we have both encouraged each other. I am 46, and though I am pretty healthy, my lungs have been feeling it the last few years and I obsess about how I'm killing my self and despise myself (a little bit) for not being able to stop. I have stopped telling my partner I want to quit because I get sick of the sound of myself.

Trouble is, I enjoy being just a little bit wasted grin

balence49 Tue 31-Jan-17 16:04:06

That's the trouble here too wink

When it's both of us that's as bad as each other, we stop for a few weeks and get loads done around the house think it's great. Then one of us cracks and gets 'just a bit', this turns back into the usual routine, habitual stoners.
Ideally I would like to be able to just have it a couple of evenings a week and that be all, but if it's there it gets smoked because no will power.

Beelzebop Tue 31-Jan-17 16:09:14

Me too! Been doing it for twenty years, really need to at least think about my little habit. I also have a DP who smokes his head off but I think it's beginning to affect me now. It's hard to tell, which probably says a lot hmm.

ImperialBlether Tue 31-Jan-17 16:09:39

It depends what kind of life you want, doesn't it? What kind of parents do you want to be?

You can't deny the impact of it on your lives. Do you think it's worth it?

UnbornMortificado Tue 31-Jan-17 16:15:27

DH blames smoking it as a teen for his MH issues (paranoid schizophrenia) I know what the study's say but I really don't trust the stuff.

I've had plenty of my own demons over the years just not weed. I wouldn't really judge anyone else but I would worry about the affects.

PremierCru Tue 31-Jan-17 16:22:34

Your poor children.

MephistophelesApprentice Tue 31-Jan-17 16:31:27

I'm high functioning autistic. Without weed, I would not have a job, girlfriend, or be alive at the moment. I struggle with suicidal thoughts everyday, but knowing that all the pain will go away for just a little while gets me through.

If you want to quit, I'd imagine the doctors will help. They're actually really good about that sort of thing, won't necessarily tell SS and the fact that you're there asking for assistance will probably be very positive in their eyes.

Good luck with your choices.

BlueFolly Tue 31-Jan-17 16:39:52

PremierCru

Have you posted on the wrong thread, or are you just being mean? If it's the latter, then your children are the ones I feel sorry for, if you have any.

PermenantlyStoned Tue 31-Jan-17 16:52:16

NC'd for this.

I'm in the same boat. I have High Functioning Autism and the weed helps me function.

I wish I didn't have to give up, it's a lovely drug for helping me with my needs, but like a PP, I hate hiding the smell and the anxiety over it being illegal.

I'm finding the financial aspect crippling. I spent £70 a week on it and I daydream about what I could spend that money on if I didn't need the weed.

I want to quit. I have to quit. I try all the time but never last more than a day.

Please help.

imthelastsplash Tue 31-Jan-17 16:57:45

Just to give you all some hope - I've not smoked for 3 weeks now. I was spending about £100 a week at the end. I've smoked it pretty much constantly for the last 20 years.

The first week was REALLY hard. Very tearful, anxiety through the roof. Now I can't believe how stupid I was. Knowing I'm not handing all that money over every week. Looking in my bank account and knowing im not going to be having any shocks. I can walk into a room now and know why I'm there. I'm dreaming again!

The thought of giving up is definitely worse than the actual doing - and if I can do it ANYONE can

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Tue 31-Jan-17 23:17:21

Wow can't believe there are trolls on here! I would expect nasty comments IF I'd posted on in AIBU not the addiction forum!!

PremierCru have you also posted the same on the cocaine or other drug posts FFS, if you don't know what it's like to have an addiction please keep your comments to yourself, they are not welcome here!

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Tue 31-Jan-17 23:31:25

I really feel for people who's other halfs also smoke it, I was the same with my ex who did.. back in the day we ended up on an oz a week, had a blast but it got rediculous!

Have managed to quit mid week since posting 😀 Although I'm a right moody bitch at night as I enjoy it most when baby is in bed and it's my time to relax.. for me it's def the money aspect that's making me quit and the desire to not feel beholden to it to destress.. but god I love it. Having a cig now and it's horrid 😳

BTW how much does it piss you off to hear your friends talking about drinking through the week!! I don't drink but instead am made to feel like a dirty criminal to chill with a smoke instead.. the Dutch have it right god love em. Alcohol is far worse in my book. We should be looking at the remarkable medicinal qualities of a natural plant instead of turning half the population into peace loving criminals, this world is truely fooked up.

Harree Tue 31-Jan-17 23:41:08

Me too. I love it, but I wish I didn't sometimes... I watched the Dr Sanjay Gupta documentary & made myself feel better about my use, but do experience guilt at not being able to say no. If it's in the house, I'll smoke it.

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Tue 31-Jan-17 23:45:04

Imperialblether not everyone gets wrecked when they smoke it, I have always smoked it and I would say for me the impact is no different than someone who smokes cigs, though I do get that some people just can't smoke it for the side effects it has on them, just like I know that if I have just one drink I wouldn't be able to drive.

For me the way it has helped me cope at different points in my life far out ways any impact on my life.. I have a degree, I own a home, I've always worked, I pay my bills.

BUT I want to stop as I can't afford it and when you get to a point when your thinking of the next joint when ur smoking one then it's def time to call it a day for a while! 😱

UnbornMortificado Tue 31-Jan-17 23:46:42

Row what's your MH like? Does it not worry you?

I'm genuinely not being goady. I've already said I've had my own troubles, but after struggling with my MH for so long (not cannabis related) I'm terrified my DC start smoking it when they are older.

I completely agree the addiction thread shouldn't be a place to kick posters when asking for help.

RowRowRowtheFookingBoat Tue 31-Jan-17 23:47:57

Ooh will check it out Harree am exactly the same! This is also a great watch in favour of medical marijuana m.youtube.com/watch?v=ciQ4ErmhO7g

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