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Sorry but another codeine thread.

(24 Posts)
Iminpainanditsmyfault Wed 28-Sep-16 19:32:54

I'm tapering down with a plan to quit. I'm in so much pain. That is just cutting down. I am thinking of increasing my dose, not to what I was taking but just a bit more than I have been having the last three days because I am struggling to look after my daughter. I feel like such a waste of space. I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I've actually been secretly smoking to help me through it, dp would be so annoyed if he knew about the smoking.

I feel like I need something, some sort of crutch. I don't know why I'm like this. When I was younger I had a bit of an issue with cocaine, though it didn't get as bad as it could have. I used to drink, a lot too, but again it could have been a lot worse. I gave up smoking four years ago and I have smoked 50 cigarettes in secret over the last few days while dp is at work, not in front of my DD. I feel so ashamed buying them with her in the pushchair wth me. I don't know what l want from this thread really. I just have nobody to talk to.

useryourillusion Wed 28-Sep-16 19:42:33

oh darling, you are no waste of space. You are amazing to admit, face up and work on your problems.... that is a massive achievement in itself.
Please keep going, just a minute at a time.
It will get easier.

You also sound like a kind, caring mother. Try to be gentle on yourself and get some help and support, speak to your GP maybe?

Thinking of you xx

Iminpainanditsmyfault Wed 28-Sep-16 20:44:46

Thank you for your kind words. smile

ReachingOut27 Thu 29-Sep-16 09:36:26

Hey not sure if you're still around but I'd like to support you.
I'm now codeine free and i tampered down..

Don't whatever you do increase your dose it DOES get better it just feels worse before it does and you can do it. If smoking helps? Smoke like a chimney. I think your DH husband would understand if he was suffering the same addition. You will be able to stop smoking better than stopping codeine.
What are you symptoms today.. Maybe I can help.
What was your codeine intake?
You're doing your child proud.. Don't ever be ashamed. It's the silent addiction, many don't talk about.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 12:17:31

Hello thank you fr your message. I feel terrible now because I bought some nurofen plus earlier and just took two along with one dose (2 soluble tablets) of cocodomol (8mg codeine).

I will try and work out what I was taking.

At my worst I was taking a dose of soluble cocodomol (12mg) along with 4-6 30mg codeine phosphate tablets three to four times a day. (And to be totally honest I'd take 2-4 nurofens alongside that). I know that's really bad. I made sure to stay within the paracetamol limits but not the ibuprofen. I'm sorry please don't judge me. Well do judge me. I know it's bad.

I have stopped getting the codeine phosphate tablets. I cut down to taking just the weakest soluble cocodomal, the 8mg ones. But I took an extra dose of it yesterday and tbh the paracetamol scares me so that is why I bought the nurofen today.

lemonzest123 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:20:54

You're on the right track - you know you have a problem. The fact that you're having these feelings of failure etc is actually a good thing because it'll give you the impetus to crush it eventually. Crack on, you've got some hard work to do!

Sending hugs from someone who has been there!

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 12:27:17

Dp does not have a clue how much I was taking. He knows I am cutting down and struggling and keeps saying he is proud of me. sad

If he only knew how much I was having I don't know what he'd say. About four years ago I took two (or nearly, my memory of it is a bit fuzzy) big boxes of nurofens in a few hours. He found out because I got ill. He found it really hard to understand. I have a good life now. My parents were both alcoholics.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 12:28:25

Thank you Lemon. It is amazing how many of us there are. I wonder if anyone else I know is doing it.

lemonzest123 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:31:28

iminpain I really really really recommend telling your DP.

I know how hard it is, I tried so hard to keep things from DP but that's not his you get better. Once you relinquish a bit if that secret control you can begin accepting help. I'm sorry but I do think its a massive but vital step.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 12:45:56

Yesterday I tried to tell him, and ended up telling him I was taking more than he thought. He guessed a lot less than I actually was taking and I just went along with that. I'm sorry I won't go on about it but I know he would be so horrified. He doesn't know about the codeine phosphate tablets at all. I have kept it all secret. I had a hidden stash. He's a very normal person and I don't think I am.

lemonzest123 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:46:02

Example, I've now got to the stage where I tell DP when I'm having addictive thoughts.

I took a blister pack of high strength morphine tablets from the packet at my parents house, not because I was going to take them but because I liked knowing they were there (that old chestnut!!)....

Anyway much as I wanted a stoned couple of weeks (my mums dying its pretty horrific) in secret I bloody told DP I'd taken them and said I'll put them back. He was proud of me for telling him and much as 50% of my brain is kicking myself I know I did the right thing. That's why it's so important to have others involved, to keep you strong when you're wavering.

lemonzest123 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:47:34

Ohhh yes the stash. I finished my Diaz taper about a month before rehab thought I had and stashed a months worth. Shame! sad

Horsegirl1 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:50:03

Oh sweetie you are not a waste of space. How much are you taking? Xx

Horsegirl1 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:52:35

Sorry iv read what you are taking. Hunni it's a lot more common than you think. The codeine phosphate is the safest to take rather than paracetomol and nurofen. Can u taper with just codeine ??

ReachingOut27 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:54:09

OP.. Okay so you had a relapse.. We all have them.. I had quite a few before completely stopping.
The good thing is you aren't taking the strong stuff!
I will tell you though ibuprofen is just as dangerous as paracetamol and i too watched me paracetamol intake. Ibuprofen can cause all sorts of stumach issues.. Be careful not to OD on these.
I know how you are feeling. No way out? Can't see the light.. Aches, sweats, headaches. The list goes on.
I'll never judge anyone. Nobody has the right to do that. We all make mistakes. Lord knows I've made plenty.
You will make it. So for now put the fact you are smoking to one side and deal with the biggest issue.
Try nytol for sleeping issues and imoduim for toilet issues.
Also Try confiding in your GP depending on how nice they are. They may be able to give you stronger to sleep and also so valium or something on the days you really struggle.
Have you a round abouts amount you take daily? Maybe I can help you set some kind of taper plan? Writing here every day may help too. Don't give in stay strong.

MatildaOfTuscany Thu 29-Sep-16 13:06:30

OP, just wanted to say there are people out here who know how tough it is. I have a relative who has a long history of substance abuse (alcohol, solvents, illegal drugs). He was prescribed codeine for chronic back pain, and says that of all the drugs he's tried to come off, it is one of the hardest. I second Reaching's suggestion of confiding in your GP. If your GP is any good at all they will know how addictive codeine is and how many people, having been prescribed it for pain relief, find it really hard to come off. Good luck, and flowers.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 13:16:34

I have had stomach issues in the past caused by the ibuprofen. I know codeine phosphate is safer but I have such little willpower. The knowledge that the ibuprofen and paracetamol is harmful helps me limit what I take.

I really feel a lot less alone now. Thank you all. flowers

The thing that is bothering me the most at the moment are the leg aches and sweats at night. I feel lethargic in the day. I have a bad back anyway (one of my excuses for taking it) but this has gone through the roof since cutting down. I will try and get some nytol for tonight. Thank you for the suggestion.

I have been trying to stick to my usual day routine but in reality dd has been watching a lot of television. I took her out this morning and we had a nice walk but I was really struggling with it.

I feel a lot more positive though despite the crying and whining on here! I feel like I'm really doing this. I have tried before but never so hard. I am so grateful to everyone who has commented.

After taking the nurofen plus alongside the 8mls cocodomals I now feel slightly more normal and able to cope. I am thinking of sticking to this dose, which is still a big reduction on what I was taking, for a few days at least. Any ideas when I should next reduce?

Sorry this is such a long post. My thoughts are sort of all over the place.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 13:22:44

Everyone who is suggesting to speak to my gp, I have a couple of questions.

I was prescribed it legitimately many years ago. I have not been prescribed it for a long, long time. Will this be questioned? Will I get in trouble?

I'm a sahm. I am afraid of social services/my dd being put on a list/anything that could have an impact on her. Is this likely to happen?

I would feel more comfortable talking to someone who isn't my gp really. I have not lived in this area for that long and was not keen on my new doctor. Is there a way you can see a private gp? I can afford to pay. (I was spending a fair amount of money on this habit so my savings from cutting down could help cover it!)

Horsegirl1 Thu 29-Sep-16 13:39:14

I too am majorly addicted to it. I buy it online from a legit pharmacy . It's 100 quid every two weeks.blush I have never even took a single drug in my life but gp prescribed this and I got hooked. It made everything so much easier and gave me a pick me up to get jobs done. I quit cold turkey 3 years ago and it was horrendous for 5 days. I stayed off a year and vowed never to go back. Then my dad died last year and I started again. I cud kick myself ! I told my gp and they were great. Nothing was mentioned about ss . They just did a taper plan. I just went ct tho. Wish I'd never started again. X

lemonzest123 Thu 29-Sep-16 13:43:01

You may not need to go to a GP. Phone up your local community drug and alcohol service. My one was self referral.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 14:00:15

I'm sorry about your dad horsegirl. I am glad you found your gp so helpful. So are you currently taking it now, or have you recently gone CT?

I will see if there is a local drug service near me Lemon. Thank you for the suggestion.

I have told my dp about this thread and he has got me some nytol on his lunch break.

Horsegirl1 Thu 29-Sep-16 14:31:50

I am still taking it. I feel like it gets me through the day. Without it I have zero energy and feel so down. I hate myself for taking it but it gives me confidence. I know u will understand what I mean . When I went cold turkey it was 5 days of hell. My dh just assumed I had flu. The insomnia lasted about 6 weeks which drove me half crazy. I was so proud of myself and felt brilliant not taking it. Then dad got cancer and I had a headache so bought nurofen plus and I went right back to taking 30 a day. I could have kicked myself. I don't know why I did it . It was silly as I was totally clean from it. It gives me such confidence and I love how it makes me feel. Iv done my back in and have just been prescribed a short course of diazapam. I am going to take this very carefully. I am genuonly in need of it as my back keeps spasming. I habe never taken even marughana or any type of drug but here I am addicted to a painkiller. I feel such a disgusting waste of space. I just want to be happy without the need for pills x

Iminpainanditsmyfault Thu 29-Sep-16 15:07:25

Horse don't feel so bad. I think it's so easy to get addicted. It seems to happen to lots of people. It's a side effect of the drug I suppose. You have stopped before so you know you can do it. Maybe you could give tapering a try, it would be less of a shock to the system.

Iminpainanditsmyfault Tue 04-Oct-16 09:01:14

Hey anyone who reads this. I've been doing well (for me) over the last few days and have been sticking to the lower dose. I certainly don't suffer from constipation anymore (sorry) but otherwise have been ok. I've booked to see a physiotherapist about my back which is one of the reasons I took the codeine.

Now yesterday I ordered some codeine phosphate as I wanted to cut out the paracetamol completely. I haven't got it yet but now I'm worrying I was stupid to do this as I have shown such little self control with them in the past. I was wondering if anybody had a recommendation of how many I should take per day in order to carry on cutting down.

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