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Dh says I look frumpy others say classy and we'll put together. Help.

(178 Posts)
lupo Fri 11-Oct-13 08:23:23

Just after an opinion. I like the way I dress, have a nice capsule wardrobe , am a reg lurker here. I am not a jeans and converse type of girl , which dh seems to prefer.

For example, last week I wore the grey Janice phase eight dress, tights, knee high brown boots and tan leather jacket. Dh said it was frumpy and I would be better in jeans. I like casual day dresses, have another phase eight Elsie dress , still on web, which I thought was flattering and with a cardigan and pointed heels. At work I wear ted baker jumpers, pencil skirts, jumper dresses etc. last year I saved up and bought the lovely navy wool Hobbs kasia pea coat and can't wait to wear it

Women at work will often say I look nice, my colour palette is navy, grey, black, deep purple sometimes. I have no intention of changing my wardrobe but just wondered if it did sound frumpy. As I said, lots of compliments from other women, just not from dh. What do you think. I am 38, size 10 to 12.


H2Ointolerant Fri 11-Oct-13 08:25:59

You have a DH problem by the sounds of it.

extracrunchy Fri 11-Oct-13 08:27:01

Your DH sounds nice...

H2Ointolerant Fri 11-Oct-13 08:27:27

I'm all for honesty but I'd neuter DH if he referred to me as frumpy, whether true or not.

As the guy in Sideways said - 'there was a nice way of saying that'.

Is he always a dick? You sound like you look nice btw.

closetcat Fri 11-Oct-13 08:29:12

I'm guessing you have a fabulous derriere and your DH likes to see it smile

My DH loves me in trousers but I love dresses and skirts so I please myself but he always comments positively when I wear trousers.

Roshbegosh Fri 11-Oct-13 08:29:55

I am sure you look fine but he just prefers you in jeans, maybe you have a lovely bum. He says frumpy but probable means that the smarter outfits look less young and up for it.

Dumpylump Fri 11-Oct-13 08:30:54

Has your style changed a lot since you and dh first got together? Not that that makes his behaviour ok.

angelinajelly Fri 11-Oct-13 08:31:54

Your outfits sound lovely to me, really elegant and stylish. And I'm the same age and size as you and don't consider myself to be a frump.

Ihatemytoes Fri 11-Oct-13 08:33:24

I've just had a look at the elsie dress. I think it's a bit frumpy, but your overall look sounds lovely.

nilbyname Fri 11-Oct-13 08:36:36

I think your outfits sounds really stylish and chic. I am 37 is November and am a skinny jeans and converse kind of girl, and think I look a bit of a scruff! Horses for courses.

Your dh sounds like a bit of a numpty.

lupo Fri 11-Oct-13 08:37:12

Hi, I have always dressed like this. Have just bought some berry cords and black jersey blazer. I think maybe like rush said, he feels I should dress younger than I am . I feel really ordinary in just jeans and a v neck jumper, he seems to think I am too dressed up all the time when we go out. Tbh I think he is a scruff who lives in jeans and polo shirts. I like to make an effort.
Thanks for your replies. I didn't think I was frumpy, just we'll dressed.

Laquila Fri 11-Oct-13 08:37:16

I think your look sounds understated and classy, but irritatingly that might not be what appeals to your husband! I would chalk it up to agreeing to disagree - I suspect he is not usually a style guru so I'd ignore him!

openerofjars Fri 11-Oct-13 08:38:01

I wish I had your wardrobe!

BunnyLebowski Fri 11-Oct-13 08:39:09

Having just googled the items you've named I would have to agree that in my opinion they are quite frumpy and safe.

But my opinion or anyone else's doesn't matter. If you like them then you wear them. Your DP doesn't get to tell you what not to wear. What a tool.

AgathaF Fri 11-Oct-13 08:40:10

I'm not too keen on the two dresses you named, they seem more like work dresses to me. However, it sounds like you make an effort with clothes and look good.

What do you wear at the weekend? Still dresses or anything more casual? Do you wear jeans with boots, or sandals in the summer?

It doesn't really matter what others say though. As long as you like what you wear and feel good, that's all that matters.

pictish Fri 11-Oct-13 08:40:13

I think it sounds frumpy and dull, but I am a converse woman who likes alternative clothing and bright bold colours and prints, so I would say that.
Horses for courses really.

I probably wouldn't date someone who wore boring classic clothes, as I wouldn't find them attractive.

I had a look at the Elsie dress, and actually think it's quite nice, but I'd be teaming it with an interesting patterned scarf, 50's style cardi (in yellow) and biker boots.
Otherwise it's a bit boring.

Sorry but you did ask. It's a matter of taste isn't it?

lupo Fri 11-Oct-13 08:40:51

Sorry, well dressed. The Elsie dress does not look great on the web but is above the knee, and ruched so quite flattering I thought. Yes, dh can be a bit of a numpty at times. I will ignore and carry on I think

coldwinter Fri 11-Oct-13 08:41:16

Your style sounds lovely. And more important, you like it. Ignore your DH.

BucketArse Fri 11-Oct-13 08:41:32

You are a gorgeous, elegant woman, married to a scruffy, critical git.

Tell him to fuck off, seriously. If he wants a young, 'jeans and converse' girl, offer him a divorce so that he can go and get one. Twat.

LittleBearPad Fri 11-Oct-13 08:47:34

It sounds as though he wants to be younger than he is and therefore wants you to have a younger look. He's a twerp.

lupo Fri 11-Oct-13 08:48:34

Yes, normally wear the ruched dress with boots and leather biker. I do wear jeans at weekend but with a jumper that has a twist like buttons on the sleeves or something unusual. Not really into patterns. I just think he prefers jeans and converse type of woman and I am more boots and pencil skirts and ruched dresses. While converse and jeans and hoodies look great on some girls, I just feel it looks scruffy on me. Of course I do wear jeans when out and about at weekend, but would prefer a dress if going out to a restaurant or something

lupo Fri 11-Oct-13 08:53:43

Yes he is a critical git at times. Thanks all am feeling better and will enjoy compliments I get from others and ignore his. I love fashion and clothes, and shoes, but he put a dampner on it all with these comments.

Also, I am saving for the grey mercy ankle boots from Jones. Please tell me they are not frumpy too. I want to wear them and be ready to ignore any comments. I will wear with jeans or berry cords, promise.

pictish Fri 11-Oct-13 08:53:46

The thing is, how many of us have suggested things our ohs might wear? Things we think will suit them? Thing we think look attractive to us?

I know I have.

My dh is a jeans, t-shirt and hoody guy - with a chunky knit fair isle jumper here or there. I like his clothes.
If he was to suddenly start wearing slacks and a v neck jumper over a shirt, and shiny shoes, I wouldn't like it. I'd think "how boring".

However, and this is very important, if you have always dressed the way you do...and he was happy enough with your style when you got together, he has no business at all trying to change you now. You're not a dolly!!

BitOutOfPractice Fri 11-Oct-13 08:53:53

I think it all sounds lovely but a bit safe.

I doubt most men would even notice a sweater had buttons. They certainly wouldn't think that made it unusual.

How about trousers (trousers don't have to be jeans folks!) and an interesting top. Introduce some patterns. Go into a shop that you don't usually visit. Buy something a bit more throwaway. Not everything has to be a quality investment piece. Shake it up a bit.

SundaySimmons Fri 11-Oct-13 08:55:25

I would say from your brief description that you dress like a Friends character, maybe jennifer Aniston.

Not frumpy, but nice and presentable. Nothing wrong with that at all. Surprise your OH by telling him whilst you are out that underneath your allegedly frumpy skirt you are wearing no knickers.

That will shut him up and he won't be calling you boring or frumpy again.

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