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I hate my body. Please help

(67 Posts)
alasixesse Fri 19-Feb-10 22:43:54

Reading the are you beautiful thread, yes I truly believe I am ugly.

I somehow manage to be skinny and gawky yet flabby and celulitey at the same time.

I have pasty blotchy skin and excessive body hair (in my wedding photos someone thought my arm was a mans)

I have no breasts and skinny boy legs. I have cellulite down to my knees and a flabby arse and stomach. I hate being so skinny but when I put on weight it adds flab not bulk.

I would never wear a bikini or swimsuit, I refuse to take my children swimming because it would mean being seen in swimwear.

I won't even wear shorts/short skirts in summer because I hate my legs so much.

I won't go for a tan/wax because people would have to see me.

clothes look shit on me

I'm sick of hating the way I look so much. i am setting a bad example to my children.

I know I need to address this.I have considered going on look good naked etc but there is no fucking way I would show my face on tv.

I need help.

I can't think of one thing I like about my body

alasixesse Fri 19-Feb-10 22:46:50

<deep breath>

if I post pictures of myself would you be able to help more?

Tell me what clothes would suit?

Maybe help me find something to like about myself?

electra Fri 19-Feb-10 22:51:20

Poor you sad I know that women who experience excess hair growth can sometimes be treated with a contraceptive pill called Dianette.

Have you ever tried going to the gym or yoga or something? The exercise may help you to feel good about yourself and you can work on an individualised program to tone the areas you think you need to. I still have a squishy arse after having dd3 10 months ago, now I'm pushing 30 it takes longer to firm up, ha.

Aside from this there are things you can do to reinvent yourself like change your hair style. Changing your colour to something really different might help. A friend of mine once said to me that no matter how bad you feel if your hair looks really good it makes everything a bit better - and I agree with her!

poshsinglemum Fri 19-Feb-10 23:09:25

I think that you should see a councelor about this. You are no doubt not ugly at all. we all have body hang ups but you should have at least some features that you like.

Please get help but do excersise too-it's good for self esteem as well as toning and adding bulk.

alasixesse Fri 19-Feb-10 23:32:57

Thanks

I know it is psychological probably, see all shapes and sizes and don't think any of them are minging, just me.

What exercise can I do at home? Yoga was meh for me, had an aerobics dvd but neighbours complained about the thudding (terraced house). Don't have any child free time.

dd wants me to take her swimming but I can't

electra Sat 20-Feb-10 00:14:11

Perhaps child free time is key here in helping you to have a bit of you time and build your self-esteem. You must try to find a way to get that - it is all too easy to get so lost in motherhood that you lose yourself a little in the process. I have facials, partly because it's nice just to lie down for 30 minutes and feel pampered smile or perhaps you could have a massage?

Have you always felt this way or is it recent?

alasixesse Sat 20-Feb-10 00:20:52

I have never liked my body but I used to feel better about myself than I now do.

Child free time difficult, am single parent with no family nearby. Have friends but only "mum friends" that I could call upon in an emergency not just because. My real friends are miles away.

Have put pics on profile. Please be kind

electra Sat 20-Feb-10 00:28:58

alasixesse - you have a great body - seriously! I do really think this is a lot in your mind, honestly. You have great legs and to me your body looks toned with really nice skin!

You need a hug and opportunity to find yourself again. Are you able to find a baby sitting circle at your local NCT?

alasixesse Sat 20-Feb-10 00:40:42

hmm

I see skinny nobbly knee bony ankle cellulite legs, but thanks...

I didn't know nct did that, will investigate.

I know I can't be as bad as I think I am but I don't know how to start feeling good about myself, I've tried fake tan etc but end up feeling worse when it streaks or turns orange (even the palest shades do where I am so pale). Exercise is probably the way but it's finding something that I can do at home, that gives results and that the neighbours don't complain about!

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 01:15:09

I genuinely think you shoudl ask your GP to refer you to someone to talk to you about the way you feel about yourself.
You have fantastic legs, your bum is lovely <ahem> and I don't notice any skin 'issues'

I think that everyone has bits they don't like but most people have bits they do. DO you know why you feel like this? I really do think that exercise/tan etc won't help if you really feel this down on yourself (for no apparent reason IMO)

Have a (((hug))) BTW.

GoddessInTheKitchen Sat 20-Feb-10 01:20:37

omg some people would kill for your body! are you serious!

re fake tan, have you tried the build up cream? it doesn't tan you straight away but you apply it daily and it gradualy builds up a nice healthy glow and no streaks

do this for a week and then take your kids swimming

GoddessInTheKitchen Sat 20-Feb-10 01:21:33

also, what essenceofjack said too

alasixesse Sat 20-Feb-10 01:23:36

D'y'know jack, nobody has ever said that I have good legs before, let alone fantastic. My mum always took the piss out of me when I was younger for my skinny legs. Friends have said they wouldn't have thought someone so thin could have cellulite like I do. Most men I've been with have liked the JLo/Beyonce look which leaves me feeling inadequate and scrawny

alasixesse Sat 20-Feb-10 01:28:06

Sorry, I feel really needy and pathetic even posting this thread but it has got to the point where I know I need to sort it before it completely ruins my life.

Any suggestions for clothes that would suit me to help me feel superficially better in the meantime?

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 01:36:06

WSell you are obviously with/been with the wrong men then.
Seriously though, have men you have been with (have you had a serious DP/DH?) been down on your looks? saying they rpefer JLo/Beyonce?
Firstly it's bullshit, they have massive meaty thighs and fat bums in real life...and second, if anyone has said that to you then it does explain why you have such a poor self image.

Here, feels a bit mean to do this but this is beyonce

even celebs have knobbly knees, these are pretty bad and yours are nothing like this!

they have photoshop

so stop comparing yourself to unrealistic women and look at 'normal' women around you!

<<all meant in loving way!>>

zazen Sat 20-Feb-10 01:36:24

I think you have a lovely body and fab legs.
You look fit and healthy.

You are obviously hearing your Mum's nasty words in your head still.

I think you need to change what words you hear about yourself in your head, and get rid of the words which don't support you. You don't have to keep friends who don't support you. You can let them go!

I would try Cognative Behaviour therapy for a few sessions to learn how to change your mind about your self, literally!

Best of luck to you - you ARE good enough you know.

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 01:37:38

I know fuck all about clothes btw, I always look a state, so can be of no help there!

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 01:40:56

Sorry yes, as zazen says meant to say that your mum saying that is a big 'Awoogah' sign as well in my head.

She took the piss out of you? Her baby daughter? FOr having skinny legs? Do you have dd's? even if you don't you must be abel to see that that is a horribly nasty toxic way to behave towards your child. I dread to think what else she said to you to make your subconscious believe these things about yourself.

Feeling needy isn;t bad, if you have had people you lvoe and trust say such nasty things I am not surprised you need ot hear nice things, the difference is we are all strangers and could be as harsh as we like, and yet not one of us thinks you are anything other than fit, healthy and perfectly normal.

PrincessFiorimonde Sat 20-Feb-10 01:42:46

alasixesse, have looked at your pix on your profile and can see no sign of cellulite. Can see no sign of anything 'worrying', either - just a lady with great legs and nice, slim figure. WTF with 'scrawny' comments; I just don't see that!

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 01:50:47

alasixesse, you still about?

Re: the swimming, if you get a tankini which is shorts and a vest top it feels more covering than a normal cossy, then wear a towel to poolside and just leave the towel on the edge.

Honestly though, everyone else in the pool will be worrying how they look in a costume, not how you look. (aware that this doean't really help, but still worth saying)

Chandon Sat 20-Feb-10 09:13:55

you have a GREAT body.

I´d love to look like that.

you should show it off!

I see no cellulite at all, you´ve just been with mean men who tried to put you down, because of their own inadequacies.

sarah293 Sat 20-Feb-10 09:18:18

Message withdrawn

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 09:58:40

MOrning alasixesse, how are you doing?

alasixesse Sat 20-Feb-10 10:14:42

Hi,
Sorry I went to bed last night shock wink

Jack yes, eg if I got ready to go out "you can't wear that with those legs ha ha ha" or if I asked how I looked "fine, shame about the legs"

or "I was skinny at your age too, oh except I had good legs and boobs"

In winter I'd wear 2 pairs of tights against the cold and she'd say it was to try and make my legs look fatter.

At 12/13 my younger sister was a lot more developed than me. I used to stuff my bra and she told everyone about it at a family party.

All done in a jokey teasing lighthearted way but I can still remember it now so it obviously has affected me longterm.

2 serious relationships, 1st one I don't remember ever saying anything about my looks (not good, not bad), second (exH), well his perfect woman was his sister (Jamelia lookalike) FFS. He would compliment me somtimes but only in a "I want to shag you" type way.

When I was at university shagging around I did get a couple of compliments on my bum I suppose. I liked my boobs when I was bf, they were fuller and I was proud of being able to feed my babies.

I was absolutely shitting myself putting those pictures on and felt sick about it but I am glad I did I think. Even though I don't quite believe them it's nice to hear positive comments. I am looking at the pictures myself trying to be objective.

Goddess I didn't answer you sorry, I have tried that cream but even that was obviously fake on me, I am so pale.

Riven sad it's awful to feel this way.

EssenceOfJack Sat 20-Feb-10 10:32:40

You went to bed? <<lightweight[grin>>

Can you see a bit that some/most of your body issues will come from your mum, (am not going to mention your exH, ew!)

I did see you have a DD last night, the wine was affecting my typing though!

Foudn this and I reckon your legs are probably most similar to the second from the left. The other women have bigger/shorter legs but still look great though, can you see that they do? And most of them have a bit of a belly, you're a mother, so you have a nice belly too, not a big belly but not rock hard abs like my DB@s ex (it looks really weird in real life)

Do tell me if I am going on at you a bit. In all honesty the reason I am is I was a bit like you when I was younger but I am overweight,m I am a size 20 and weigh <ahem> stone. I am classed as obese but while I woujld liek to slim down a bit I quite like my body even though as a child my father would berate me and constantly go on about how disgusting and fat I was and how I couldn't wear certain things as it made him feel physically sick.

I was lucky in that I met my DH when I was 17 and he loves me as I am, and makes sure to tell me he loves my body as it is. I think people do need affirmation about their appearance, you woudl have to be in a very special place mentally not to need it, and as you obviosuly haven't had it this is why I think possibly counselling or talking to someone will help you see that you are projecting someone elses opinion onto your own.

Gosh, that was a bit of a ramble, sorry!

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