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pressure to lose the baby weight!!!

(13 Posts)
mummee09verity Thu 24-Sep-09 11:37:49

was speaking to some friends yesterday - one of who has a 3 month old baby and was quite upset with her FIL who made a thoughtless comment about her weight. my friend said her C section scar was still hurting from time to time and her FIL said "Thats because you're stil fat!!"(angry)

what an insensitive sod!!! as we all said to her, as if we new mums don't feel under enough pressure to be back to normal 5 minutes after giving birth!!!! especially with the recent pics of new mum tess daly doing the rounds in the media recently with a flat toned washboard stomach!!! smug cow! ;) anyway we ended up in a big discussion about how women seem to be under all this pressure to look perfect after having kids.

with both my kids I have REALLY felt the pressure, i don't really know why, i just have!

i'm a size 8 normally and with my DS i gained 3 stone and was MASSIVE, i was horrified with how i looked after - i was only 26 when he was born and was horrified at the huge belly, stretch marks and big arms and thighs he left me with post-birth compared with my pre baby tiny figure.

so i immediately set about dieting,literally from the day i came home from hospital (had a c-section) literally eating nothing and managed to get back to "normal" pretty quickly, took maybe 10-12 weeks before i was happy. then once i was allowed to exercise i took up pilates and swimming twice a week.

and i was even worse with my DD - i am ashamed to say i dieted throughout my pregnancy to minimise excess weight gain and managed to get to my c/section date having only gained 20lbs.

she's now 4 months old and i am back in a size 8 again but again through serious dieting and feeling pretty shite all the time

has anyone else felt like this???? why is it that we are all under such pressure??

Lizzylou Thu 24-Sep-09 11:40:22

Um, how can you call Tess Daly a smug cow for losing weight in one breath and then admit to dieting throughout your pregnancy and starving yourself afterwards?

I think you are the one putting pressure on yourself to be honest, sorry.

dexter73 Thu 24-Sep-09 11:44:21

Have to say I agree with Lizzylou.

mummee09verity Thu 24-Sep-09 11:54:08

well obviously i made the decision to diet, lose the baby weight quickly myself, but i did it BECAUSE i felt pressure to do it. it wasn't just from seeing celebrities in the media, although that is defintiely part of it. but i also found the pressure came from all sorts of sources, even family and friends. everyone seems to like to comment on your body when your pregnant or just given birth, whether its, oooh your HUGE!!! while pregnant, or, so and so was back in her skinny jeans after X amount of time etc, and things like that.

and maybe tess daly felt the pressure too?? especially being in the public eye?

xxx

Lizzylou Thu 24-Sep-09 12:03:32

Yes but you are supposed to gain weight and have a baby bump when you are pregnant, it is totally natural. Anyone who comments is an ass.
I don't compare myself to the likes of Tess Daly or whoever because for one my lifestyle is completely different, I don't have to be on TV every week and for another I never looked that blooming good before having my children.
Really, if people comment they are either being complimentary, or shallow and thoughtless.
It is sad that you feel under such pressure, it really is. You should just be snuggling up with your baby and eating right to get your energy up, not stressing about the size of your thighs.

It's crazy that any normal woman would compare herself to a sleb, these peoples bodies are their livelehood and rightly or wrongly, they've got to get back into shape to work.

Not to mention the fact that they do it with the aid of personal trainers, dietitians, nannies, surgeons, the list goes on.

I felf no pressure to lose 'baby weight' as a) I couldn't give a toss what anyone else thinks of MY body and b) I was too busy just enjoying my babies and eating chocolate digestives.

I am now the weight I was pre-children, but not the shape, however I am very fit and couldn't give a damn.

Mimi1977 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:13:43

I think Tess is naturally skinny and we're all different. My friend was back in her skinny jeans when her DD was 6 weeks old - it took me 9 months. For me the pressure was all put on by myself. I put on 1.5 extra stones after baby and massive boobs taken out of equation! I really didn;t feel like myself being bigger and desperate to get into my clothes which I felt good in (size 10). I did think we put alot of pressure on ourselves as I certainly don't judge any of my friends who are bigger after babies but for me it was so important. Lost the weight carefully but did make me ill as was trying to be superwoman (cook batches of food, play with DD, take dog on 2 mile walk, run few miles once husband got home, keep house clean, cook etc) Got so run down and lost rest of weight through illness and Sooooo ot worth it.

Did make me think about pigging out quite so much next preg though!

SweetEm Thu 24-Sep-09 13:18:17

The op here made me feel both angry and sad. Rightly or wrongly, many of us do feel under pressure to be "back to normal" size soon after our babies are born. But, I do think most of this pressure comes from ourselves. We shouldn't care, but we do and pictures of celebs don't help, however much we may tell ourselves it shouldn't. I hate that post-baby pictures of Tess Daly/Myleene Klass/et al are shoved in our faces all the time. But. you know, they are also lying when they say it is "running around after the baby" that makes them lose the weight - hello! babies hardly move for the first 6 months of their lives!! They are eating around 1000 calories a day is probably the real truth and how achievable is that for most of us?

It was hugely insensitive of the FIL to make a comment like that, and I can tell you that exercising too vigorously after a c-section will make your scar hurt even more! So next time he makes a comment like that, your friend should tell him to butt out!

MollieO Thu 24-Sep-09 13:22:15

I think everyone is different. I was very sick throughout my pregnancy and ds was born premature. 5 days after his birth I weighed less than I had pre-conception. I am sure some other new mums must have made the sort of 'smug' comments that have been made here about Tess Daly. I would have given anything to have a normal pregnancy and a healthy baby.

Elk Thu 24-Sep-09 13:36:29

I felt no pressure to loose baby weight with either pregnancy. 9 months on - 9 months off as far as I was concerned. Celebs can pay for personal trainers/child care etc if that's what they feel the need to do but I did it the old fashioned way by eating sensibly (sp) and going for a walk every day with the baby.

Second time round was easier as I was pushing a double buggy up a hill twice a day to take dd1 to nursery.

mummee09verity Thu 24-Sep-09 16:18:49

yeah i would certainly never judge any of my friends!! some lost their weight quick, some didnt, some still haven't lost it! and i would certainly never say anything to them about it!

although i have to say, i DO compliment the ones who are looking great. but that in itself creates pressure in a way i think?

i go to a mum n toddler group (and went there thru out my 2nd preg as well) and at one point nearly everyone was having babies, and EVERYONE was commenting on the girls figures more than the babies!!! ie OMG HOW good does so n so look, or so and so is still HUGE even tho her babys 8 wks etc, etc.

and i had a choice comment from my DF's mother, the day after i gave birth, as soon as she walked in to my hospital room she looked at my (still big, obvs) baggy t shirt clad tummy and said, "bloody hell girl you've got a fair bit to lose havent you" and laughed!!! i was mortified and devastated and still havent forgiven the witch now!!!

xxx

mummee09verity Fri 25-Sep-09 06:59:22

ps-am glad most of you seem to have a better attitude towards it that me and my friends !!!

happilyeverafter Fri 25-Sep-09 17:05:30

I didn't get any nasty comments post birth but felt very grotty/flabby/wobbly and wanted to lose a few lbs.

It took me two months to lose the 2.5 stone I'd put on and a further 2 months to lose another 2 stones. I didn't diet at all, quite the opposite but think it must have been the bfing as I ate more than I did prebaby but it just came off. People did ask how much I'd gained/lost as though it was a big thing but it wasn't to me and I didn't let that affect my behaviour/eating.

Since then I've stayed the same weight, but would like to tone up.

I have never been a size 8 nor do I aspire to but I do like to feel vaguely human which for me requires a healthy bmi, decent diet and a little exercise.

I feel sad for the OP.

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