Crimes against fashion and decency....say here what you really wanted to say to the perpetrator but couldn't

[NorbertDentressangle]

To the woman cycling along our road this afternoon.......

" a black lacy thong worn under very thin, low-rise, white leggings is not a good look - especially when cycling"

Next?

[foofi]

[crankytwanky]

To practically every rah-rah teenager wearing leggings & a top;

"You forgot your skirt,love".

Maybe I'm just jealous that I could never get away with legging without a dress on top, unless I wanted to look like someone on Jeremy Kyle.

[Lulubee]

To the very overweight lady who lives opposite me: purple tights and a mini ra ra skirt - NO.

[DollyPardonme]

to anyone with bum antlers.

PULL YOUR KECKS UP!

[pixiemoon]

To large lady in street yesterday: luminous pink shiny leggings, luminous yellow leg warmers, stonewashed denim mini skirt - no love, just no.

To several work associates at wedding last weekend: ladies, your bras do NOT fit you. Please let me take you to a proper shop and get you fitted in the sizes that you actually are. Boobs squeezing out the sides/bottom/top of your bras is just not nice, definitely not sexy, and really can't be that supportive.

[missblythe]

To DH's cousin at our wedding:

"I'm sorry I interupted your potato-digging by getting married. Would you like me to see if someone can lend you a less lumpen coat or at least help you wash the mud of your shoes?"

[Northernlurker]

'luminous orange strapless boob hugging, everything hugging tops don't work with breasts of a certain age' - to the mum at school who obviously let the heat go to her head last week.

[NorbertDentressangle]

pmsl at the "potato digging" cousin

[flowerybeanbag]

To overweight ladies with cellulite. No shame in either, but please confine the wearing of shorts to your gardens or the beach rather than parading in them round Sainsburys and offending my eye.

[wilkos]

to teenage girls with that "fashionable" ginormous comb over at the front

this is a style for OLD MEN. just stop it now.

[Mumsnut]

What, pray, are bum antlers?

[brimfull]

to apparetnly trendy teenage boy
-pull your farkin jeans up or I will rip them down to your knees

[Fimbo]

to:- the rather large lady with the even bigger bottom, wibbling along with your cheeks slapping from side to side in extremely thin white trousers with no pants not even a thong, is seriously not a good look.

To all the ladies with strapless wedding dresses on in todays local paper - no no no. Size 14 and under is fine any bigger is not.

[KingRolo]

Fashionable hair

[KingRolo]

Please, please shave your pits either a) not at all or b) properly if you are wearing a vest top. Nasty stubble is not attractive to mine eye.

[sockmonkey]

PULL YOUR TROUSERS UP! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE 6 INCHES OF UNDERPANTS!!!

To most teenage boys round here

and breathe.... thankyou OP

[NorbertDentressangle]

To the early 20s young woman I just saw in Morrisons

"the idea of those summer tops with a huge "hole" in the back is not so that everyone can see the back of your bra, especially the size label sticking out. Even it was, it would be a good idea to avoid the 1000wash grey bra"

[OrmIrian]

Look at your bavkview in the mirror before leaving the house. Or alternatively don't try to squeeze your size 18 backside into size 12 leggings or jeans.

[notamumyetbutoneday]

For the woman in Asda last week who must have been at least a HH cup size and whose image is forevermore burned upon my retina: Asda sell bras for like a fiver. Why not try one?

[bobblehat]

To the lady I saw in town the other day with a t shirt with the slogan 'prone to mood swings' - In need of a good bra would be more appropriate.

[notnowbernard]

"Good Lord, lady, how are you even able to SIT DOWN in that ensemble?!"

To the size 18ish woman who had squeezed herself into a pair of trousers at least 2 sizes too small. The most shocking camel's foot I've ever seen

And so tight you could see the cellulite through the (thick cotton) material

[alexpolismum]

To the guy with the huge beer belly hanging over his belt who lives opposite me: Please, please, please put a shirt on!

[BikeRunSki]

To the mother of the little girl(about 5 or 6?) I saw in the soft play centre yesterday:

"Whatever made you think that that top was a good idea?" It won't keep her warm, it won;t keep the sun off in the heat, it looks really difficult to launder and she looks like a right slapper."

Top in question was halter neck,backless, handkerchief hem, with handkerchief narrowing starting at nipple level. Cerise pink with big gold sequins. Possibly only acceptable for teenagers to go clubbing in!