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I kind of know I'm being stupid but need reassurance...

(21 Posts)
LetThemEatCake Thu 18-Jun-09 21:34:58

in a nutshell - am struggling to accept my weight gain this pregnancy. Have been fine and unfazed last 2 children, but this time, I am not loving my expanding curves.

Love the bump, hate the bum & thighs.

I feel terrible even saying it since i know I am so lucky even to be pregnant with a healthy child for the third time (our first pregnancy ended at 20 weeks due to a fatal chromosomal rearrangement) - but I guess that while I am a good mum who just wants a healthy happy baby, I am also a woman who has been weight obsessed for - yikes - nearly 25 years. Since I was 12!!!

Before you ask - no, I am NOT dieting or restricting my intake in any way - I'm not that selfish!! I eat very healthily anyway - in fact, I have added things to my diet as I became a vegan after dc2 but have now re-introduced dairy and fish as I figure a growing baby needs it. Am still vegetarian and wheat-free though.

I know the gain is inevitable (gained 2 stone in each of previous full-term pregnancies and yes, it all came off again) but oh, I am hating my reflection right now.

Please tell me it's okay and that I am normal, not a selfish cow who doesn't deserve children!!!

clemette Thu 18-Jun-09 21:37:52

What you are feeling is entirely normal. Body-image issues don't just vanish because you are pregnant.
I loved my bump, am not particularly body conscious, but still was happier dressed than naked whilst pregnant.

geordieminx Thu 18-Jun-09 21:38:03

I am one of you shoe stalkers

You are:

mother to gorgeous children
owner of some amazing shoes and a wedding dress

K999 Thu 18-Jun-09 21:39:35

Did someone mention shoes??? I luurrrvvveeee shoes.....and bags...grin

Hassled Thu 18-Jun-09 21:40:39

It's perfectly normal and the fact you've made such radical changes to your diet for the sake of your baby shows what a nice, unselfish person you are. I went from 7.5 stone to 10.5 stone with DS1 - and remember how completely miserable I felt about it, so you have all my sympathy.

It will all go in time, and you will have your baby. But being weight obsessed for 25 years doesn't sound good - when things are a bit more settled, would you think about counselling?

LetThemEatCake Thu 18-Jun-09 21:52:33

counselling? really? i thought everyone was obsessed by their weight from their teens onwards??

but wow - 10-ish stone is my normal, visually acceptable weight ... you would shudder to read my scales at the moment!!

geordieminx - thanks love smile Not beautiful or slim at the moment, but yes, do have beautiful children, a lovely wedding gown and some great shoes. Not that I can wear any of them at the mo without falling over!!!!

geordieminx Thu 18-Jun-09 21:58:19

No honestly - you are beautiful!!

If it makes you feel any better I went for the first fitting of my wedding dress today... only it didnt fit blush, am currently at 10st10lb, need to get to 10 stone. sad

LetThemEatCake Thu 18-Jun-09 22:02:40

ooh, I didn't know you were getting married!! when???

Sorry about your fitting - what a pain. But nothing like a wedding to get you motivated, right? You will do it!!

Hassled Thu 18-Jun-09 22:06:14

LTEC - yes, but I'm tiny.

7.5 stone was ridiculously thin though - I wasn't trying to say I think that was an OK weight (although I did think that back then - was very young and stupid) and I now have a good 2 stones on that. On a good day.

And yes, in hindsight, most women think constantly about their weight from their teens onwards. But maybe not obsessed - I was thinking perhaps the obsession has caused your unhappiness re your body shape now.

geordieminx Thu 18-Jun-09 22:09:23

October - next fitting end of July - only 10lb, so I'm going for 2lb a week as opposed to starving myself and loosing it in a week and then putting it back on again come the weekend hmm

You would be so proud of me - spied a beautiful pair of Manolo's on ebay - £350 starting price... was going to buy them, then found a pair in newlook's new bridal range of all places, almost identical...£25!!!

macherie Thu 18-Jun-09 22:10:48

I can so relate to this smile

I've had weight issues since my teens and am very conscious of my size, but I have been more or less the same for the last 20 years.

I have this thing about not wanting to know how much I weigh, I know that if I can put a number to it, I'll become totally preoccupied with the weight, rather than just being happy with my shape and how I fit into my clothes, IYKWIM. So we don't own a weighing scales, and don't want one! But I can fit into size 10 topshop skinny jeans, so that's fine with me.

The problem is that when you are pregnant, doctors/midwives become obsessed with your weight, this bothered me so much during my first pregnancy, that during the next two, I always asked whoever was weighing me just to write it in my records and not tell me. That worked fine until just before my c-section for my last baby the mv let it slip that I was 13.5 stone - I nearly fainted wink I knew I was bigger with this pregnancy than the others, but not that much!

BUT, without starving myself or anything ridiculous, the extra weight disappeared fairly rapidly after each baby - so much of it was just fluid, and while I wasn't back in skinny jeans the day after the birth, my body was pretty much back to it's normal shape within 6 weeks.

As long as you are reasonable about what you eat, and don't use pregnancy as an excuse to eat cream cakes every day, it will be FINE, don't worry.

Keep your eye on the prize - a healthy baby, and only look in mirrors from the waist up for the next while.


LetThemEatCake Thu 18-Jun-09 22:12:14

sorry, maybe I shouldn't have said obsessed. I am the queen of hyperbole.

Logically, I know it will all come off and that I'll be 10ish stone again and I am past the stage where I think "oooh, but 9.5 would be better!!" - just psychologically, right now, I'm struggling with the reality of being bigger all over. My midwife tells me that your body lays down fat stores for breast feeding, which is fine - but why the hell can't those stores be on my BREASTS??!!! why my bum? why my thighs??

<<wails and gnashes teeth and looks at empty bowl of quinoa and squash that has just been polished off for dinner, wondering how such virtuous food can be doing this???>>

Clure Thu 18-Jun-09 22:17:32

hi letthemeatcake your profile pic is gorgeous. I agree that lots of women have a constant issue with weight gain, but during pregancy I enjoyed having an excuse to put on weight, I didn't mind my bump so much as the restrictions it put on me in terms of movement and exercise.
As for being a vegan during pregnancy, I was and still am. Vegan during breastfeeding, 18 months of it! Managed to produce a very healthy 6lb 12 DD. I put on a stone and a half and lost two!
At the end of the day you have to do whats right for you and your bump - sounds like you have the right attitude. good luck x

CHOOGIRL Thu 18-Jun-09 22:35:37

<<Hugs>> to my BFF! I totally sympathise. I've had one pregnancy and my stomach has not been the same since. I have stopped going on the scales now as it sets my mood for the day.

In fact the reason why I spend most of my time buying shoes is because my feet always stay the same size!!

I seem to recall your American Vintage dress drew lots of compliments at Chelsea Flower Show so you obviously look good.

LetThemEatCake Thu 25-Jun-09 21:59:09

sorry for hugely delayed response - and thanks so much to you all for your responses.

Choogirl, I thought you'd be with me on this one. I so agree re: the scales setting the mood for the day - I once found myself snapping at both of my dc for doing something naughty but not hideous and then realised that I was being totally unreasonable because a) the reason that they were tipping my body wash all over the bathroom was because I'd left them to their own devices for god knows how long while I examined my appearance in minute detail and b) I was actually p'd off because the scales said 10st4 instead of my so-called 'acceptable' 10st2

Bad mummy sad

earthpixie Sat 27-Jun-09 12:11:29

It's such a waste of time, energy and LIFE to overly worried about what your scales say. Think about the other, far more important stuff you could be expending that mental energy on. And WHO says that you're less valuable a person at 10stone 4lbs than two pounds less? What ACTUAL difference does it make to anyone? Why do so many women feel that they must take up as little physical space as possible to be attractive? I'm not advocating becoming heavily overweight as the way forward, but this seemingly almost universal female preoccupation with weight, from a feminist persepctive anyway, is sinister and oppressive.
I'm speaking from bitter experience by the way - not lecturing seated on a high horse!

earthpixie Sat 27-Jun-09 15:53:14

Crikey, I've killed three threads today.

LetThemEatCake Sat 27-Jun-09 18:21:46

I agree with you wholeheartedly earthpixie - from a rational, logical perspective, that is. Unfortunately though, weight etc, for many women, is an emotional issue. It's all very well taking a scholarly, feminist approach to it but for my part (and yes I have a tertiary education and 2 degrees etc etc so you don't need to look down on me as someone who gets my information from Femail) I've never ben able to understand why so-called feminism can't be more 'feminine" and nurturing, and not so damning and prescriptive.

But thank you, yes, I enjoyed my ice cream today and had a wonderful time with my children in the sun despite being 2st heavier than usual.

tinseltot Sat 27-Jun-09 18:30:05

Hi cake,

It is totally normal to be a bit gutted re your bum and thighs expanding! My best advice would be:

1) Go and get some hagen daz ice cream(try pralines and cream if your not familiar with the flavours!). Your body is working hard and if you are gaining weight anyway then damn it you might as well have some tasty treats to enjoy!

2)Get dh to hide the bathroom scales and don't step on them again until 4 weeks after you've delivered baby.

Here's my story to give you hope1

I followed the above advice each time i've been pregnant. Each preg i must have put on at least 3 -3.5 stone.My third dd is now 17weeks,i weighed myself a few weeks after her birth - i was 12 stone 1. Am 5ft 9 and usually weigh 9 stone 5 and get back there after each baby. I'm now 10 stone 4 and it is coming off really easily with breastfeeding. Am eating 2000 cals a day and breastfeeding is burning about 500 cals a day. Am losing a pound or 2 every 7-10 days. It really isn't any effort at all and i don't regret eating everything i fancied during pregnancyat all. Although i looked huge after the birth i reminded myself how clever my body had been to produce and birth such a beautiful little girl. Just buy lots of baggy black harem trousers and floaty tops to wear post birth till the weight drops off.

You will defo get back to your ideal weight so try to relax and enjoy your pergnancy. Ejoying food is one of the few pleasures whilst preggers!

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper Sat 27-Jun-09 18:40:33

The weight will go - as someone also weight-obsessed since teen years, I had to eat and eat and eat whilst pg to try and suppress the constant nausea.

I gained 4st the first time, 31/2 the second, and 21/2 the third (I'd also given up sugar by then and had a smaller, more normal sized baby).

I have to say the weight took longer to go third time around (was 37), but I think that's just an age thing.

I never liked my shape when pg, and I did get bigger boobs (as well as everything else.) Bf sorts you out.

earthpixie Sat 27-Jun-09 21:37:25

Of course it's an emotional issue Cake; that's why it has such a stranglehold on us. I've only very recently (I'm almost 39) started to try and unpick just why it is such a powerful force. So I did the classic thing and read Fat is a Feminist Issue. And started to think about it in as detached a way as I could - which isn't very, really.

I want to be a healthy weight but I just can't spend another three decades putting my weight right at the top of life's priorities.

(I didn't mean to sound patronising - why would you think I thought you got your info from Femail?!)

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