I wanna be Gok'ed. no scratch that...I need to be Gok'ed, can anyone help?

[dandycandyjellybean]

Following chronic self esteem probs in teens and anorexia and then bulimia, in my late 20's/early 30's I really got to grips with myself, got off the whole diet/binge bandwagon, and allowed myself to eat and live without condemnation. I became about a size 22/24 but, I can honestly say that I had loads and loads of confidence and felt good about myself.

Following a tragic and early family death, i decided to take up regular exercise, and without that being the goal, I lost several dress sizes and became about a size 18. Cue loads more confidence, feeling sexy, wearing really gorgeous figure hugging clothes and feeling reallly good about myself.

Get pg, after 17 yrs of marriage, don't put on loads of weigh, in fact am slightly smaller post pg than before ~ 16+ size.

However, have terrible pnd, my hair starts to fall out bigstylie when ds is 4 months, and have to have it all cut short, (my hair was long, straight, glossy and pantene worthy). You all know about lack of sleep, overwork, stress etc, and despite the fact that I still exercise religiously and am still size 16/18, i feel old, haggard, fat, ugly and generally horrible.

Watched a Gok revisited last week, the big, butch blonde who discovered gorgeous sexy woman, and went on to be a plus size model, act and be a comedienne. And she said that she had always longed to be in a skinny body for just one day and that she could honestly say that she didn't feel like that any more........well that's how I used to feel. I used to feel sorry for my skinny friends who hated their body's and were constantly dieting, because I had accepted and come to love my curvaceous bod and wouldn't change it for the world.... how can I get that back? I want to have confidence and love myself for who I am now, not how I looked 20 years ago (this is probably an issue coz it's our 20th anniversary this year, folks used to say I was a bit of a stunna back then, sorry if I sound up myself ~ will put a pic on my profile and you can let me know!)

Please help. What can I do? We have a party on 18th October and a family meal 1st November, and I want to radiate joy and sex appeal, but more than that, I really, really want to get back to feeling confident in my own (flawed) skin, so that I can be a good role model for my son.

[theincider]

Change your MN name. Gok is about changing attitude - how can you feel good about yourself being called hairybikermummy? What's wrong with sexybikermummy?

[EffiePerine]

Not sure about advice: I think loving yourself as you are now and not as you were X years ago is something we all struggle with...

what do you like about yourself?

[dandycandyjellybean]

check the profile, my ds is mad about the hairy bikers on tv, and believe me, my lack of confidence is nothing to do with my name!!! but, do like the idea of sexy biker mummy, theincider, love your name too.

[EffiePerine]

and conversely what do you hate about yourself?

do you have some good friends who could come round and be honest about your wardrobe, hair etc. then take you shopping?

[dandycandyjellybean]

would you tell me honestly what you think of what I look like in my chubby bubba pic? Only because I have no perspective at all at the mo? Be honest, brutally if necessary...

[dandycandyjellybean]

My sis is good for the wardrobe/hair thing, but is a long way away. Other than that, no, not really, hence feeling so desperate.

[EffiePerine]

tis hard to tell because we can't see you!

Good arms and norks though

[stitch]

your problem then isnt actually about how youlook, but about how you feel.
i have ltos of things to say, but none of them particularly helpful.
sorry

[dandycandyjellybean]

the only thing I like about the chubby bubba pics (apart from the gorgeous chubby bubba of course are my reasonably toned arms for a fat chick)

[dandycandyjellybean]

Exactly stitch, I know that, the only thing that's changed is what's going on between my ears, but I just can't seem to get my head right about it at the mo, and didn't know if anyone else had been there, done that, got the tshirt. What are your lots of things to say....I'm intrigued?

[EffiePerine]

well you don't look fat to me in that pic. Why not try one of those personal shopper services and see what they suggest re: styles? Or do one of the online quizzes - there's a Gok one somewhere and a Trinny and Susannah one as well I think.

[EffiePerine]

I find that I worry loads before going out anywhere as to what people will think of me (clothes, hair, figure and so on) but have come to the conclusion that they are worried about themselves and don't necessarily notice .

[theincider]

Just typed a long one and lost it.

Gist was.. (after saying def chage name - how about blondiebiker?, or something not to do with dd)

Clearly you have inate confidence, just need the clothes to feel confidence in, may have to spend money, someone else will tell you where.

See photos since failed last post, maybe longer hair? To throw and flick around.

But maybe best to ignore me - I don't usually post on style and beauty threads. {smile]

[Pannacotta]

Perhaps getting some gorgeous glam clothes sorted for your party/family do will help boost your confidence.
Can you try and grow your hair back? I think losing lots of hair esp if its lovely when long can be a confidence killer.
Have you considered spending some money on a session with a stylist who will help with your hair/make up/body shape tips as well as your wardrobe?

[stitch]

i was going to say lots of things along the lines of weight loss, and being in the right frame of mind to reduce weight, and the buying of new clothes to suit the figure you have now, so that what you wear actually fits properly and looks good on you now. and lots of things aboutfood, but you seem to be quite clued up about it. #some one at front door, will right more later

[EffiePerine]

oh and updating your makeup can make HUGE difference (and not as expensive as redoing your whole wardrobe)

[dandycandyjellybean]

am growing hair back, as is now back to its old self, but am currently at that horrible inbetweeny thing, just looks hideous which i'm sure isn't helping. really want to get some glam clothes pannacotta, just need a Gok to help me with styling....and confidence, i think I want to have his babies . what on earth makes you say I have I clearly have inate confidence theincider? People always say stuff like this and I truly have no blardy idea why?

[stitch]

hair loss 4 months post natally is perfectly normal.
what you need is some pampering sessions to improve your skin and your mood. facials, massage etc. some new underwear to lift up post baby boobs, and some control undies. then you need a few fab new outfits that fit perfectly. you also need to continue with the excercise to keep the endorphins going. cutting down on carbs helps energy levels, but i wont give any advice on food as i think youare ver clued up about that anyways.
you also need to be chatted up. ie, you need some male attention, to give you that extra boost. not sure about the best place for that. sorry.

[theincider]

HBM you said this "I had loads and loads of confidence and felt good about myself". I know that was then, not now but you're doing well. Also you've put yourself up for dissection MN - that takes balls (in a terribly feminine, fairy, floaty way , of course).

I think you just need to grwo your hair longer, like you say you're doing, and buy a few new clothes, maybe with advice from either a professional or a stylish friend. With that you'll be knocking 'em dead by October.

Enjoy

[theincider]

stitch has given the best advice. Take heed of what she says.

[Pannacotta]

Some stylists details here
www.styledoctors.com/content/whoweare.html

www.y-shop.co.uk/

www.whiskeragency.co.uk/

There are threads on her with more details if you do an archive search.

I would suggest paying for advice (rather than going to a free personal shopper in a store), you will get a more in depth, personal service and they will advise re your hair style, make up, body shape, and your current wardrobe etc. Have a feeling this would be money well spent for you...

[fishie]

yy i got a bit lost too. got colours done and it was a real catalyst to learn what actually suits me rather than what i take refuge in.

[Cathpot]

I love that programme sooo refreshing to not have people thrown to the surgeons. In the 80s there was all that 'colour me beautiful' business where someone assessed you for the colours that suited you, do they still do that? Second the advice on good underwear, makes a huge huge difference, and sleeping with husband also very good for confidence ( I mention this as I have to make a special effort to make time do this regularly otherwise get caught up in ironing and crap TV..like 'how to look good naked' in fact. ohmygod its conspiracy). I think just coming on here and saying 'I dont feel ok and I want to change' is hugely positive. Write a list of things you can do and then start working through it.