Cringed today about how ugly I am

[again2020]

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania ), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

[NutellaEllaElla]

I have days where I feel the same. The more I avoid mirrors and cameras the less I dwell on it and the better I feel. I use fabulous make up on the dark under eye circles and it makes a huge difference to that so i've got that going for me .

[NutellaEllaElla]

Have you sought therapy for Trichotillomania?

[Bigpaintinglittlepainting]

Honestly just crop yourself out of you can and forget them.

I look after myself do my hair make up etc, I look awful in photos, awful !! I’d rather just not know. I don’t look that bad in real life, I know, I can look in the mirror.

We just don’t need to be photogenic to be a good lovely person that everyone likes.

[again2020]

I will avoid the camera next time, that's an easy solution! What make up do you use @NutellaEllaElla ?

[justawoman]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. I don’t know if it helps, but most of us hate how we look on video or in photos, it’s why there’s been a massive rise in enquiries about cosmetic surgery among those who have to sit and look at themselves on Zoom all day. Somehow how we look on video (or sound) doesn’t seem to match up with the image we have in our heads.

You sound lovely and I’m sure your ‘imperfections’ are far more noticeable to you than to anyone else. And I’m sure you didn’t ruin the photos and that your kids would far rather have you in them than not.

[Bigpaintinglittlepainting]

Out of the photo if, that meant to say !

[again2020]

@NutellaEllaElla I haven't

[again2020]

@Bigpaintinglittlepainting I have cropped myself out and sent them to SIL... shouldn't have done that should I 😬🙈😂 Oh well.

[again2020]

@justawoman That's a very interesting point, I didn't know that cosmetic surgery was on the rise.

Thank you for the compliment.

[Misspacorabanne]

Im not just saying this op, but I'm sure you don't look as bad to others as you think you do! I get it though, I'm the same, I just focus on my negatives! There must be something you like about yourself?

[Campervan69]

My trick is to be the one behind the camera but seriously please don't beat yourself up. Everyone loves you for who you are, not what you look like. We've all got things about ourselves we hate. And kids are beautiful and photogenic. They just are. The older I get, the less important things like this are to me. Enjoy your family time, it's so precious 💖

[HelloOldSport]

Yes! Without blowing smoke too far my up arse, I do consider myself quite attractive. But my DM uploaded a god awful photo of me the other week and i felt really rubbish!! I took comfort in the fact her phone is ridiculously old with a grainy camera, and it was an awful angle. Focus on your mirror image.

[baldafrique]

I'm sure you look fine BUT there is nothing wrong with making some changes if you want to eg cosmetic dentistry...could give you a big boost. Change the things you can and accept the things you cannot, my motto! You deserve it

[Isla2021]

I get this often too... it really sets me back and I go on a bit or a spiral thinking how can I look better. I'm early 30s, slim and I realise it's only going to get worse as I age.

I'm not sure what the answer is as I haven't resolved it myself, I feel OK in selfies but from photos taken of me from someone else.. is a different story!

Perhaps we need to work on our confidence and self esteem!

[Verbena87]

The more I avoid mirrors and cameras the less I dwell on it and the better I feel. This, plus magazines/tv and internet advertising. It’s amazing how airbrushed idealised faces plus paying lots of attention to your own can do a number on your confidence.

The most gorgeous people I know (as in aesthetically attractive, though some overlap with being all round excellent humans) have...

A ‘too small’ nose, round shoulders, thin hair

A massive nose, sticky out ears, flat chest

Wonky eyebrows, weird proportions

You don’t need every feature to be perfect to be beautiful. You don’t need to be beautiful to deserve good things.

Hope tomorrow feels brighter

[NutellaEllaElla]

I use this colour corrector - there are 3 colours to choose from, pink, orange and yellow, they're the opposite colour to the dark circles, one will work for you, and then i put normal skin colour concealer on top.

It's fine to avoid cameras, but I read a sad post on reddit once where someone's mum hated her appearance and avoided all pictures then she died and they had nothing in her image, nothing to put in photo frames and it struck me as being superficial and sad to avoid photos. We don't actually care what our lovely mums (or other beloved family members) look like, we just love them for who they are so try not to forget that.

If you're in the UK you can self refer to primary mental health care therapy services. It's often called IAPT (Improving access to Psychological therapies) if you want to google it.

[AndreaMarteau]

I doubt you're anywhere near as 'ugly' as you think you are, OP. Lots of us hate having our photos taken, me included, and I'm sure that my DH goes out of his way to take photos where I look vile.

However, I don't want there to be no photos that exist anywhere of me and my kids. I know it's shallow, but I practiced taking selfie's of myself so I could learn what angles look best and flatter me more (for example, I look better from one side than I do the other). Maybe that's an option for you. But don't avoid the camera. In years to come, your kids will be glad that they have photos of you and them to look back on. I

[HotCupOfNo]

I feel exactly the same!! I'm early 30's, overweight but not massively, but have the most awful double chin. It looks like the bottom of my neck is literally attached to my chin. I've been looking into jawline and chin fillers as I'm so down about it. I'm
Getting married in 6 weeks and I'm just terrified of how the pictures are going to come out.

Sorry I don't suppose this helps much, but just wanted to show solidarity!

[dontforgettofloss]

I bet you don't look as bad as you think you do, I know when I look at photos of myself I think I look awful, no one else seems to think so though (maybe some are being polite, but my family would be honest if I looked bad in a photo).
My nose sticks up, like a ski slope, I've even been told I have a pig nose , I envy women with Roman noses, I think they look beautiful

[NutellaEllaElla]

I envy women with Roman noses, I think they look beautiful
Wow, this may be the first time i've ever seen someone say this. Thank you.

[mooonstone]

Regardless of all that, you are still stunning. We all have bad angles and as the kids were the focus of the video, the lighting/angle etc definitely wasn’t flattering for you. We’ve all been there!

[Verbena87]

The suggestion to Google local IAPT services is a really good one too - I self referred in for anxiety and am now getting in depth ongoing CBT for free, which is brilliant. Wouldn’t recommend in a crisis as referrals are a bit slow but for something reasonably mild and ongoing like my worry or your trichitillomania they can be brilliant.

[LunaNorth]

Camille Cottin has a classic Roman nose and is absolutely beautiful.

I’m sure you look lovely, OP.

[HugeBowlofChips]

I do not like my appearance. I hate photos of myself. I have very bad eyesight, which makes matters worse, as in every single photo I am always looking in the wrong direction, or have my eyes closed, or one eye is pointing in a different direction to the other. Not nice.

It is definitely true that no one will care about all this as much as you. My husband tells me I am gorgeous, which I do not for one moment believe is objectively the case, but I think he is being sincere. I am in his eyes.

Also, as @Verbena87 said above,

You don’t need every feature to be perfect to be beautiful. You don’t need to be beautiful to deserve good things.

[adeleh]

Not sure Ihave advice, but I know exactly how you feel. I’ve even cut my head out of some family photos. And then occasionally there are photos where I think I look ok. So Ithink it’s partly unflattering photos, and partly how I’m feeling about myself generally. Sometimes I look back and think they weren’t that bad.
And I expect the photos of you weren’t that bad. Not sure how any of us would measure up alongside our young daughters!