Midlife crisis?

[Didipink]

Hello, Can anyone give any advice as to how to feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin. I feel guilty as it all seems so shallow. I’ve come off social media due to falling into the trap of comparing myself to others, and feel so lost, I have no sense of self anymore. I am trying to work out why I feel this way I’m in my late thirties and seem to be struggling with getting older, am I having a midlife crisis?

[QueenOfOversharing]

Hi. What is it you don't feel comfortable about? Your makeup? Style? Weight? If you can pin it down, I'm sure lots of people can make suggestions.

I'm older than you (52 this Saturday) and I sometimes feel a bit past it & I struggle with my weight, so I stopped following accounts that were too "unattainable" for me - the 20 year old gym bodies!

I don't think it's shallow, I think a lot of us feel lacking in confidence at some point and yet by looking at social media, you'd think it was exclusive to you!

Tell us a bit more about you first.

[VanCleefArpels]

Well done on coming off social media - I’ve done the same recently and it’s so much better.

It’s difficult to comment on why you may be feeling the way you are, but it’s not uncommon especially if your role in life has recently changed eg become a Mum, children gone to school, going back to work after being a stay at home mum etc etc. Self image, what to wear etc for a new stage of life can be tricky

But don’t struggle with getting older - we are all doing it every hour of every day. Complete waste of emotional energy to struggle against inevitability!

[Didipink]

Thank you. I have four children, teenage to toddler. I am not happy with my weight at the moment, I did loose some last year but have put more on.
I am struggling with the whole lot to be honest. I had long hair and recently got it cut as I convinced myself that was the answer. Make up wise I don’t wear that much as I like the natural look but when I do wear it I end up washing it off as feel it makes me look more more old and tired! With clothes I find it hard to know what suits me and think I’ve been guilty of choosing things that I think look good on other people.

[TurduckenFucken]

What are your best features, OP? Nice eyes? Good legs?

Do you prefer edgy clothes? Lots of black? Florals? Tea dresses?

Shoes - trainers/flat boots? Or heels?

[TurduckenFucken]

I've totally lost my way, BTW, but I'm focussing the extremities and my face whilst I hope the rest of me magically loses 4 stone!

So I'm doing nail care, a good haircut, wearing make up and sometimes choosing shoes that are not trainers.

[VanCleefArpels]

You’ve got a lot on your plate!

There’s short term stuff you can do to improve your confidence - get a makeup lesson at eg Bobbi Brown to give you tips on how to look natural but “done” and not tired! Are there women you see at the school dates or at work whose style you admire and can emulate? And revisit your successful weight loss - you know you can do it now so go back to what you were doing successfully.

I’m a great believer in looking for solutions rather than dwelling on the problem. I think taking positive steps to change things can in itself make you feel better even before the goal is reached.

[VanCleefArpels]

Also a session with a personal shopper in a department store can be useful in pushing you slightly out of your comfort zone and trying new things to suit your body shape.

This blog post whilst aimed at older people like me (!) is quite a good break down of body shape and what suits which you might find useful?

www.midlifechic.com/how-to-know-which-clothes-suit-you-spring-2020/

[Didipink]

I’m new to Mumsnet and this is my first time posting here. I wasn’t sure whether to post so this is great, I really appreciate your ideas and comments.

I’d say my best feature is probably my lips. I’m quite tall so I tend to stick to flats, ankle boots/trainers. I do like colour and print, and prefer practical comfy outfits.

I think a make up session would be a great idea. I use Estée Lauder double wear foundation at the moment .... I do find it quite heavy though. I guess I’m stuck in a rut as I have never really changed my make up look, and what worked in my 20s isn’t doing me any favours!

[Didipink]

That’s a great link VanCleefArpels. From that I’d definitely say I’m apple shaped

[VanCleefArpels]

So I’m over 50 and have only really worn makeup “properly” in the past 5 years or so, and I really wish I’d known more about that and about skincare in my 20’s and 30’s. I look way better now (and not my age) and that’s down to all the great resources on YouTube, blogs etc (and instagram if you want to go to the dark side 😉☺️)

As for clothes I found it really difficult to transition from one “uniform” (corporate office wear) to another (stay at home mum) to another (part time non corporate more casual workplace). I think that is a challenge as we go through the different stages of life, to look appropriate but relevant but not frumpy. Not sure I’m there yet (maybe never will be!!) but certainly starting with the face, hair, general grooming was good.

[TurduckenFucken]

There are 5 minute makeup routines both by Lisa Eldridge and Bobbi Brown on YouTube, which don't use many products and are easy to replicate. I pretty much copied the Bobbi Brown one and am feeling very happy with the results.

If you have good lips you could make the most of those with a really nice colour lipstick (I use the Bobbi Brown Art Stick, it's not drying like a lipstick and feels a bit less 'make-uppey'), or a tinted lip balm if you're feeling more casual.

If you're tall, how about getting some good trousers that look cool with both trainers and ankle boots? I love paperbag trousers on other people, but I have short fat legs.

Do you like shirts? I always feel like I've made a bit more of an effort if I wear a shirt instead of a long sleeved t shirt, and that makes me feel a bit more confident.

[Didipink]

ah yes I really like the paper bag trousers too. Although I’m carrying a lot of my weight on my tummy, so they may not work for me. I like the leg style of those trousers though.
I love shirts and blouses, especially ones with a nice pattern/ print.

I will have a look at YouTube. I’ve always been put off before as inly seen the youngsters with the contouring, definitely not the look for me! I’ve not heard of Lisa Eldridge before, so I’ll look her up. If anyone has any other good recommendations for you tubers I’d certainly give them a try 😊

[TurduckenFucken]

Those tutorials are great, definitely for normal looking people, not weird contoured Instagram folk!

Hush have v nice shirts. I’m always envious of tall people, I’m a vertical concertina of chins, breasts, two bellies, thighs and calves. I look like a cartoon person who’s been hammered into a hard surface.

[TurduckenFucken]

Bobbi Brown

Lisa Eldridge

[VanCleefArpels]

Miss Budget Beauty on YouTube is a very “normal” 30 something that does good everyday makeup, fashion etc. Also Pampered Wolf and Nadine Baggott (her latest video with Amanda Lamb v good and easy copy-able makeup)

[Didipink]

I’m loving Lisa Eldridge and miss Budget Beauty 😊 I think I’ve found my new Instagram 😂 I’m focusing on the positives and feel inspired to find what works for me.
I ordered a couple of nice tops in the hush sale as well. Thank you ladies 🥰

[KiteflyingKat]

Also please be aware that most people are filtering their photos on social media. Some phones do it automatically

I spent ages wondering why everyone else my age on Facebook / Insta looked so much better than me, when in real life I wouldn’t say I look bad for my age. Then I realised they were all filtering.

Yeah I was slow to catch on.

[NagaisAce]

This is such a cool thread. You ladies are fab with your brilliant advice and the links are so informative. That’s my day sorted and I feel my card will get a bashing, as I too need to move into the life I live and not the life I want hence nothing to wear. !!!