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Can somebody dress me for a funeral please? Clueless!

(22 Posts)
ChickenyChick Fri 18-Oct-19 07:27:20

Please help. I am 6ft with curvy shape (wide hips) size 12/14 and wear dresses a lot, but lots of knee length dresses are mid thigh on me (due to height and hip width) and look wrong

I need something in black or dark grey, with sleeves (short or mid or long), that is smart enough for a funeral. Maybe a dress, or maybe skirt and jacket combo.

Budget 100-200

So so clueless. I went to a funeral years ago and wore smart clothes in grey/brown only to find in the UK it is definitely all black (mortified)

Please help

Ginfordinner Fri 18-Oct-19 07:48:01

I went to two funerals back to back earlier this year, and not everyone wears all black. I have worn a dark green dress to one funeral before.

Given that it is autumn you will probably be wearing a coat, and if you happen to have a black coat what you wear underneath matters less. TBH I wouldn't be spending £££ on a funeral outfit unless you intend to wear it a lot. People don't tend to notice what other people wear at funerals unless it is wildly inappropriate.

Sorry for your loss flowers

ChickenyChick Fri 18-Oct-19 08:13:12

Thanks Ginfordinner, good to get some perspective

I don’t have a black coat, only navy

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Fri 18-Oct-19 08:37:01

I'm sorry for your loss.flowers

I was at a funeral last month (colleague) and as far as I can recall the mourners were mostly in dark/subdued clothes, but by no means all in black. I wore a knee length dark grey dress with short sleeves, dark tights, black cardigan, black shoes (warm day).

I don't go to many funerals but my parents do (generational thing) and when I said something to them not long ago about wearing all black they pooh poohed that idea as quite old-fashioned, which surprised me immensely, as they're extremely conservative socially.

My dad would always wear a suit with immaculate white shirt and black or subdued dark tie to a funeral, and smartly polished black shoes, but that's not such a reach for men, is it? If they have a suit at all, they're most of the way there.

My mum would dress fairly smartly but not necessarily in black. Something subdued, so navy/dark green/grey/dark brown, maybe, with a plain white top. She's well up in her 80s and no fashionista, so would never have been likely to wear something short or clingy or lowcut! I'd say those are all no nos at a funeral purely because the focus of attention at the funeral should be the deceased, not the mourners.

I think we're in an uneasy time of having no universally agreed consensus about how to behave when someone dies. In Victorian times there were rigid rules about mourning - what mourning dress to put on, depending on how close you were to the deceased, for how long, and so on. Restrictive, but also helpful to others, as they could see at a glance that you were in mourning, and that it was for someone close and that the death was recent, and as death was so common then people knew how to behave around the bereaved, what to say, what to expect. I'm sure it was often insincere but it's much worse nowadays when people don't know what to say so say nothing.

Nowadays people have far less direct experience of bereavement (fortunately) and as conventions have all gone out of the window we often feel at sea trying to do the right thing.

I'd say respect is the key. Families normally make it clear if they want something unusual, like 'She loved bright colours, please don't come in black' as my grandmother wanted.

Lucked Fri 18-Oct-19 08:40:48

A winser miracle dress in a dark colour. They are a decent thickness for winter, should be an okay length on you and have styles that suit hourglasses.

Lucked Fri 18-Oct-19 08:41:50

Navy coat is fine.

Apolloanddaphne Fri 18-Oct-19 08:43:59

I usually wear navy to funerals.

CleopatraTomato Fri 18-Oct-19 08:49:52

Just organized a funeral. I wore black jegging/trousers, black blazer. People wore trousers/ jumpers in dark colours. Very few dresses - but weather was bad. The key was subdued. Nothing anyone would look at or remember. And comfort. It is how you behave that matters, (unless you are very close to the deceased and then it is just a matter of getting hrough it as best you can).

So, black leggings under black/dark tunic dress would be fine. Navy coat also fine.

ShiningTor Fri 18-Oct-19 08:59:53

I've lived in the UK all my life and never worn black to a funeral. I usually wear subdued colours.

Spludge Fri 18-Oct-19 10:45:17

Go to Next and get yourself a simple stylish dark trouser suit. Black suit jacket with a smart pair black trousers. If you are slightly wider at the hip always go for wide leg trousers. This looks so smart with any colour plain top under. Jacket open or closed . Then you can wear either item again so money not wasted .
Best of luck hope it goes ok

LilyJade Fri 18-Oct-19 11:33:26

The last funeral I went to was my nan's.
I wore a short black lace dress that I knew she would've liked, black opaques with black knee high boots & a black & white tweed coat with white faux fur collar.

My experience of funerals is that people don't always wear black but they do dress smartly & tend to wear darker colours.

LilyJade Fri 18-Oct-19 11:34:56

Agree with pp re getting a trouser suit.

Idontneeditatall Fri 18-Oct-19 11:37:15

Absolutely don’t have to wear black op. I Always wear something dark but grey, navy, dark green are all fine as well as black. Just think somber.

ChickenyChick Sat 19-Oct-19 19:02:00

Thanks Guys, will check out your Suggestions!

Like Gasp0 says, it's not clear cut these days and there are no clear rules...

Feel less scared now of getting it wrong

HundredMilesAnHour Sat 19-Oct-19 20:15:38

Sounds like the funerals I've been to are different to some on here. I wear black (usually a black dress with a black jacket and/or black overcoat), everyone else also wears black. You see a little navy occasionally but most people try to wear black if they have something black and suitable in their wardrobe.

OP it might be worth having a look at new London online brand Palones for clothes (not just for the funeral). Their clothes are definitely good for taller women. They're also very well cut, use good fabrics and hang beautifully. And they don't make more than 100 of most items so you won't bump into too many clones. wink Have a look at this black dress (it's currently reduced by 20% so now £120 but this ends on Sun at midnight). The model is 5 ft 11.5 so only half an inch shorter than you and it ends mid-calf on her.

palonesofficial.com/collections/dresses-jumpsuits/products/barbican-smocking-shirt-dress-black

I have a lot of Palones clothes as they're great for us taller women. smile Long arms, long legs, and everything fits!

AuntieStella Sat 19-Oct-19 20:23:09

Navy is absolutely fine for a funeral

A good black or (dark) navy long coat is a good thing to have in your wardrobe, as funeral wear is something that sadly is needed with your increasing frequency.

Jaegar?

Answerthequestion Sat 19-Oct-19 23:19:07

Jewish funerals are the day after the death or occasionally the same day and anything goes. No expectation black and you go as you are. I like that but it probably doesn’t help you

AdaColeman Sat 19-Oct-19 23:37:08

Your navy coat will be fine as long as it's reasonably smart.
Have you got a subdued coloured dress that you could wear under it? Perhaps with black leggings and boots?
It's worth reading the funeral notice, as often they say things like, "Wear something purple" or "Dress in bright colours" so that would give you more options for what to wear, and would be what the family wanted.

TigerJoy Sun 20-Oct-19 00:59:54

Navy is absolutely fine. Have you checked out the Wallis tall range, or long tall sally? If i were in your shoes I'd buy a knee length navy dress (but actually knee length). Or a get a midi length dress (which might be just over the knees for you!)

FluffyAlpaca19 Sun 20-Oct-19 02:46:00

What type of funeral is it? If it's a Hindu funeral most close family/friends wear white as their mourning colour. However, a dark colour is equally fine and as long as you're dressed modestly it's OK. Same with a Muslim funeral, there's no set mourning colour but conservative, long clothes are OK.

Check with someone first before spending lots of money. I wore a long navy coat and a black trouser suit underneath at the last funeral I went to. Probably a fashion faux pas mixing black & navy but the Chapel was cold in February.

OMGshefoundmeout Sun 20-Oct-19 02:49:42

I am a middle aged woman who goes to a lot of funerals. (Irish Catholic background although I’ve always lived in the U.K.). I’ve just checked though my calendar and over the last few years it’s averaged 6/7 a year. IME wearing all black at a funeral is quite rare nowadays, what’s important is looking sombre and smart. Somehow a scruffy or worn looking black outfit looks less respectful than a neat one in navy or grey.

I dislike black clothes and try to avoid them so have navy dresses in different fabrics for winter and summer. I also have a smart navy coat for very cold weather and I wear black shoes/boots.

Floisme Sun 20-Oct-19 07:09:29

Dark - not necessarily black
Sober - no frills, jewellery
Smart - office wear standard
Unobtrusive and boring - nothing that will draw attention

That's my code. I've been to lots. If it's family or someone I was close to then I try and wear something they would have liked.

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