Why do I keep buying things that look horrible on me? No idea of new post-baby shape and what to do with it.

[accessorizewithbabysick]

I have just bought yet another pair of what I thought were nice trousers (red linen/viscose mix cos I thought then they wouldn't sag) and ended up looking like a complete fright by the end of the day as they were wrinkled, saggy and horrible. That is pair of trousers that look horrible no.6 I think this summer. I bought a couple of lovely wrap tops from East, but can't wear them as I'm breastfeeding still and would have to entirely take the top off to do it! The rest of my tops seem to be ill fitting black t-shirt style things as none of my older tops fit my massive boobs or work with feeding bras.

I'm so bound up in what I used to be (size 18-20, big boobs, not very good legs, but in good proportion) that I don't know how to dress me now (up to size 20 on top with 36H bf boobs, 14-16 on the bottom with quite good legs). I've lost a stone on top of my pg weight since having ds2 (who's now 7.5 months) and really pleased but I look worse than before I was pg due to hideous wardrobe. I have little time to shop, no-one usually available to shop with and I keep coming home with things that then look ghastly and I can't afford. I have quite fabulous accessories (thus the nickname) and do that quite well but it doesn't make up for the clothes. I'm starting to feel thoroughly rubbish everytime I set foot in a clothes store and reduced to tears by how I look at the end of the day when the trousers have bagged and the top's all wrong somehow. I just don't know how to shop anymore, help? Did I mention that wearing a skirt frightens me, I tried one on in principles and felt so nervous I twirled once and then got out fast!

[Lizzzombie]

Have you seen HERE a 36H would be a 16 super curvy.
The clothes are cut to accomodate large boobs, you can buy online & send it back freepost if you hate it. A wrap over dress over jeans covers a multitude of sins. Go for a plain dress and go mad with the accessories.Have you got a good friend you could go shopping with? Or I know Debenhams have personal shopping (complementary service - no obligation to buy) that may help.
There are lots of tops at the moment which hide post baby belly, you just have to make sure that the seam is no where near your boobs. (I'm 34H so I know what its like!) Have you been into the Next sale yet? I got a great jumper there. V-neck = flatters large chest, long to cover belly, and camel coloured which can be smart or casual. I'm going to wear mine over denim taliored shorts (size 14) with espradilles (?!sp) and will be the epitome of yummymumminess. (in my head!)
I live down south so cant go shopping with you in RL, but am happy to go virtual shopping with you online!
Anyway....its all about the accessories, everyone knows that!

[Lizzzombie]

also - I never wear skirts unless I have to.

[vonsudenfed]

I don't have any answers, I'm afraid, but I will be watching with interest. I'm still bf, 36J, and used to get by in clothes by having a waist to compensate for the other curves. I don't think it's ever coming back. I have two pairs of M&S 'mummy' trousers and that's it (although I would recommend them!).

I was quite interested to see an interview with the head designer at Jaeger tho', who said that they design for women who are 38 and have had 2 children, while all the other stores use a girls's shape. I can believe that.

[Lizzzombie]

this kind of jumper
or
this?
How would you feel in something like these?
Simple and understated, classic, and the perfect base for loads of accessories!

[DobbyDoesDallas]

if your trousers are wrinkled saggy and horrid they are probably cheap and badly made

rather than you being a crap shape

[DobbyDoesDallas]

new jaeger stuff is lovely

[aloha]

Linen always a disaster. Steer clear. I know it's really hard trying to find your style when your size and shape change. I'm still struggling and dd is two (and I never really got back after ds who is five).
Is there a smallish shop near you where you could really try to chat up a nice assistant and get them to help?

[MrsBadger]

if you can bear Gap they always have really helpful assistants when it comes to trousers - stay in the fitting rooms and make them bring you more till you get the right ones.
And at the till when they say 'did anyone help you?' you can say 'Oh yes, Jenny, she was brilliant' so Jenny gets a bonus
and everyone wins.

Monsoon are sometimes as good but it needs to be really quiet.
Or Debenhams personal shopper (which is free) is worth a bash too.

[accessorizewithbabysick]

Thanks very much, loads of helpful suggestions here! I hadn't seen either of those tops lizz but worth trying, definitely. I prefer 3/4 length sleeve things so i can wear bracelets and sleeves don't drag in whatever I'm doing.
I think linen trousers ought to be banned from my wardrobe, I think I have 4 pairs now and they all look awful! Trouble is I have a size 18 belly and size 14 legs with size 20 boobs.
Haven't worn a dress in too many years to count, they also make me nervous! I didn't realise bravissimo did so many clothes now, they do look quite nice. I've been veering away from fitted cos it's hard to be discreet bf then, but baggy looks awful on me. I think there's a waist there somewhere, I used to have a really nice one too vonsudenfed, it was my saving grace as a very curvy girl!
I just get desperate in shops with so little time (usually about 2 hours and I need to buy everything plus stuff for the kids so really an hour for me thus resorting to accessories and linen trousers).
I did try some lovely trousers in gap last week, MrsB, tho no-one offered me any help. I couldn't decide so left them, but the shape seemed alright. I'll brave it and go back
Debenhams personal shopper sounds great too, I often find stuff I like in there but don't know whether it suits or what to wear it with. I find monsoon great in theory but nothing actually ever looks good on me when I try it on so tend to avoid it now.
I would really like to feel smart and comfortable, I used to be a bit of a clotheshorse a long time ago and miss the feeing of looking good, bringing it all together. Now all that's left is the accessories. Right, must try harder, egged on by MN!

[Pannacotta]

Am not a similar shape but DS2 is only 10 weeks and so shopping is a nightmare for me too. Find it very hard to look good post baby.
One suggestion which I read somewhere for new mothers: wear things which show off your best bits, often the wrists, shoulders (or area around neck/chest) and ankles. These bits dont get bigger from having babies...
Also you can use the body parts to show off your accessories such as nice necklaces/
braclets.
Also do think it is worth trying skirts. I really think they are easier to get right than trousers, (esp post baby) as they dont need to fit around your bum, only round your hips and waist. Also they tend to make you look more glam than trousers and you can show off your ankles, which will give you a lift. Principles/Monsoon good places to look. Go for calf length if you cant face any shorter and check out Monsoon sale for bargains so not a disaster if you change your mind.
Finally, try a personal shopper at Debs or J Lewis (both sell Principles). They are usually a 2 hour slot and should be a great help. Give up on linen, it just doesnt work on 95% of women!

[accessorizewithbabysick]

Thanks Pannacotta, I really ought to give skirts a go again. I have a few, and when I wear them I do feel nice actually, but find them very strange! Also I hate hate hate wearing tights so avoid skirts in winter plus I never know which shoes to wear with them. I do think the tip about showing off the non-baby affected bits is very true!
10 weeks in I was still wearing maternity trousers (and I still wear a couple of maternity tops now!).

[Lizzzombie]

Glad you are more positive this morning AWBS. Shopping is supposed to be fun and certainly not make you upset. Enjoy it & I hope a new outfit makes you feel better about yourself.
I have given up on trying to find my waist. I now have a collection of fabulous belts from Primarni which look great slung low across my hips over a long top. Then it draws attention away from my huge tits! Goodluck, and post pictures of what you buy! x

[flightattendant]

I think it's really common to feel totally floored regarding your body after birth.

After DS1 I was totally unprepared and my self confidence hit rock bottom...this was despite having gained very little weight during pregnancy, and lost it all straight away...I just hated my body.

Not helped by cutting all my hair off [stupid emoticon]!
Realised nothing fitted, things I had recently got wouldn't do for bf-ing, I think I was grieving for my old shape (and clothes!)

It does get easier. Don't despair. You'll get to know your 'new' body...it took me a few years to feel back to normal, then got pg again..but this time it doesn't bother me so much even though I'm fatter than I was...and saggier...who cares when there are plenty of other people this size and shape? And being a mother means it's all for a reason.

I hope you find some peace with yourself soon, and some nice trousers!!!

[pollypeachum]

I second (or is it third even) the personal shopper suggestion. I went to one in House of Fraser a couple of months ago and it was the best thing I've done sartorially ever, bar none. My twins are 18 months old and I had been trying to dress myself entirely by mail order (the thought of trawling round shops with those in tow was and remains too horrible to contemplate) and the result was a shambles - nthing fitted properly, nothing went with anything, I had a bulging wardrobe and nothing to wear. One and a half hours with the shopper and I was a new woman. The boys and I stayed in changing room while she did all the leg work. I'd given her an idea of what I was after so when I turned up there was a whole rail for me to try on and she wnet off for other things while I tried. She gave me honest advice about what worked and what didn't. Apologies for going on about it but I can't recommend it enough!!!! I'm going back for winter stuff too.

[accessorizewithbabysick]

thanks all again. Appreciate the thoughts, hugs and the suggestions. Personal shopper does sound the business. Flightattendant, feel exactly the same, I'm proud of the fact my body has produced two children, but I don't feel I know it anymore. I did feel I'd got somewhere once ds1 was 18 months or so and then I went and got pg again too! The accessories still rule, but I would like to not have that awful panicky feeling when I just can't find anything although there are shops full of lovely clothes!

[tigger15]

On tights - I haven't been able to wear them since being pregnant but hold ups work just as well with knee length skirts. The ones from M&S seem to have the longest endurance ie don't fall down!!

[accessorizewithbabysick]

I'm back to report progress...(if anyone's still listening and or interested)
My mum fixed my red linen trews for me so they're much more flattering and I'm going to do the same for the other 3 pairs I have! Also, bought a wide soft brown belt on recommendation here but actually don't know what to do with it now - who was it suggested that idea?
I bought a couple of these tops from Wallis (bargain 2 for £15, might buy some more!). Seem to work quite well as the cap sleeve shows enough arm so I'm not swamped by fabric and they drape over boobs and feeding bra line. Easily accessorised and very comfy!
Also went to principles sale and bought a lovely dark green jersey top 3/4 arms with draping at the front plus a pair of navy canvas-type trews which can be rolled up. I wore these today with wallis brown top and some brown platform sandals plus pale blue cardigan and felt quite good
Also bought gorgeous gorgeous trousers from Monsoon, pinstripes, wide-legged, but very lightweight fabric, dark grey and so comfy but stylish I thought. What kind of top shall I wear with them though, they're quite hipster with a wide waistband??
Feeling much better, esp as returning to work Monday!

[janeitebus]

Ooh those Monsoon trousers sound nice!