Resisting the urge to buy stuff you don’t really need!!!

[Notcontent]

I am not a shopaholic (I don’t think I am !) but I do like clothes and buy things reasonably regularly. I have noticed though, that every so often I do get this strong urge to buy things, that feels almost compulsive. E.g. I might see a jumper online and then keep going back to look at it and think “I don’t need any new clothes but that jumper would go with everything and really revolutionise my wardrobe... “. Anyone else? It’s probably about trying to fill a psychological need, as my life is quite stressful (lone parent and all that..)

[eloisesparkle]

I do that too

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Yep, I get this loads - 'my life will be transformed by...' could be a watch, lipstick, sweater anything. I feel that one thing will pull everything together. Except it's never one thing.

[Notcontent]

Ha, ha - yes, I agree that it’s often not just one thing!!

[Tryingtogetitright]

I do this too, normally in flurries so I don't buy anything for a while then I have a spree where I just have to have stuff that will change my life!... I normally order online and by the time it arrives I can't remember why I was so desparate to have it.

Sometimes I decide I need something and become fixated on finding it - can't concentrate on anything else. DH says I get hyper-focused. I wonder if it's linked to hormones?!

[Notcontent]

Tryingtogetitright - I can really relate to becoming fixated on finding something!!

[Tryingtogetitright]

It's awful isn't it - like a compulsion!

[DorisDays]

I do this, it's awful! If I feel shit I nearly always compulsively buy something in a bid to fix whatever it is. Just goes to show that we're slaves to capitalism, I guess!

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Tryingtogetitright - I can really relate to becoming fixated on finding something!!

Oh yeah, me too, I'm on an eternal quest for the 'perfect' black jumper, the 'ideal' shade of nail varnish or the 'spot on' pair of pyjamas.
Still, I do buy carefully and thoughtfully yet there is always something I'm looking for, be it boots, coat or mascara.
(actually it's often perfume too!)

Every bag I buy will be the last because I've finally found 'it' - until I find the next 'it'

[Whwhywhy]

I do the searching thing. Last year my good boots wore out and I really felt like I couldn’t settle till I had rebought them. I wanted to get them in the same but was worried would sell out. I often get fixated with an item like this.

[Timefortea99]

Me too. What helps is putting it in an online basket but not completing the purchase. If I still want it after a couple of days I purchase it. Invariably I have moved on. Or if I don’t follow my own advice, I seem to send a lot back. I get a rush from the thrill of the chase but when I have the must have item I find it is not such a must have after all. I also have this saying next to my debit card in my purse - We spend money we don’t have, on things we don’t need, to make impressions that don’t last, on people we don’t care about. Sometimes reading that stops me. Not always, and again I am okay for a while and then make a lot of rash purchases. I am much better than I was though.

[Notonaschoolnight]

God yes navy blazer at the moment onto my third order to find one that suits me I’m bloody obsessed even though I bet a tenner if one ever makes it to my wardrobe it’ll never come back out!!

[thefirstmrsdewinter]

Oh wow, I've thought of making this very post myself multiple times.

I've always enjoyed a browse and a little pick-me-up purchase but when my mum was diagnosed with cancer I went into full retail therapy mode for months. They could have launched a rocket with the energy that went into that venture.

Now I'm doing what I think of as hormonal shopping, like pmt shopping used to be but I can't turn it off. I turned 50 and went into full meltdown, loss of confidence, muddy sense of identity, the whole nine yards. I feel like I'm trying to buy myself back again.

The only consolation is that I seem to be pretty good at returning stuff, so I may spend a lot but most of it is refunded. The downside is that every surge of this feeling ups the ante and I'm no longer doing pick-me-up (ie £20 t-shirt) shopping but proper luxury goods. I hate feeling wanty all the time, it's draining.

[holycityzoo]

Yup. It wouldn't surprise me if it was linking to hormones. I drove into Manchester City centre when dd2 was 10 days old to get a pair of boots from mango as they were the only place that had my size.
I think the shop assistant thought I was mad. I turned up a fat sweaty mess with a tiny baby demanding these boots that looked like something a hooker would wear.
Not my finest shopping choice!!

[Brummiegirl15]

Oh god, I could've written this. It's stressing me out how much shopping I'm doing.i think it's to make myself feel better as I'm on my 2nd maternity leave and I'm feeling the need to feel less "mum like", lonely and bored. Never works though.

[thefirstmrsdewinter]

Forgot to say I'm going to try being more creative and see if that quells the compulsion. I have a sewing machine and some sewing skills. I can get a lot of entertainment out of planning a garment, gathering the supplies and putting it together, and it doesn't cost much. It's also more satisfying in the end to find you've made just the thing your mind and feelings were craving.

If that doesn't work I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm not at the stage where I'm breaking the bank, but I worry that it will escalate.

[LuxuryWoman2017]

thefirstmrsdewinter I'm the same age as you and I'm interested that you had a big shopping flurry when your mum was diagnosed, we have had quite a few bereavements lately and I certainly have a sense of 'life's too short to worry about a £50 spend' I wonder if your mums situation was a bit similar for you? Also a sense that I spent years going without when my daughter was younger and I was very much poorer than now, almost like I'm 'catching up' in a way after years of making do.

I also have the more luxury thing going on, I feel I need slightly better quality at my age, partly for practical reasons as man made fibres don't really do a lot for hot flushes and also I need to look after myself better with nicer quality shoes for my ageing feet plus my skin has changed and I can't quite get away with cheapo make-up brands so much.

I almost wish I hadn't clicked on this thread as I'm now thinking 'hmmm, navy blazer'

[MrsPeacockDidIt]

I'm terrible for this. My name is Mrs Peacock and I AM a shopaholic. I really really try to tell myself only to buy if I NEED it but I more often than not buy if I WANT it.

[mumgointhroughtorture]

I find something I love but then I need to get the bag and shoes and a blazer to match and then oh I need a few outfits that colour to wear the bag and shoes with !!! Usually it's something cheap or in the sale and then costs me another £100 to make the most of the bag ! Last summer it was everything mint green , royal blue year before and the summer I bought everything yellow started from a £5 bag from primark !

[Lottapianos]

I hear you ladies! I feel the pull towards shopping when I'm upset or anxious. I am MUCH better than I used to be though and purchase much more thoughtfully these days.

I don't have a vast mountain of clothes or makeup so I know what I have which means I don't buy identical stuff all the time. When shopping for a new season, I do at least one research trip where I have a good nose around the shops and take photos of anything I like. I then check the photos against what I have in my wardrobe to figure out what I actually need. Big wardrobe clear out twice a year. And at least 24 hours thinking time before buying anything online.

I know this all probably sounds quite anal and geeky, but it means that I can actually enjoy spending and it doesn't cause me anxiety. I have a history of overspending so I feel much better when I stay in control. And it means I get to do a lot of thinking about clothes, shoes and makeup (all of which I love) but only a part of it actually involves spending money

[Odiepants]

This is me too.

I've always loved clothes but was very overweight for most of my 20s and 30s. Lost 3 stone through ill health 3 years ago and while still on the large size, I can shop in 'normal' high street shops. I also had a cancer diagnosis shortly after and the way I dealt with the stress was to buy myself lovely clothes. Unfortunately I still find it really hard to control this need to buy things to make everything OK.
I do, though, buy lots online and return loads.

I know my urge to buy and treat myself is my way of dealing with everything and its def worse when I'm hormonal. But then I do love getting new things

[EmilyC2]

Oh, I've found my people. I get such a rush whenever I buy anything, I think of everything I will wear it with and I tend to think of them as investment pieces. I really need to stop buying as I realise I have so many clothes...I'm going to do a lot of eBaying over Easter, but I wish I could stop. It's a compulsion - buying things makes me feel better...I'm terrible when there's a sale, I just need to stop looking and checking but it's difficult especially with company emails

[EmilyC2]

I don't know why I do it though, it is worse when I am stressed, for example if I have a deadline with lots of work, I always treat myself.

[DianaT1969]

I do this too. I live in London now but used to live abroad in different countries on the Med. I didn't have it at all there. Throughout my late twenties and thirties the feel good factor of living in the sun, by the sea, doing work I enjoyed - all resulted in no wish to go shopping and no obsession for clothes.

[thefirstmrsdewinter]

@LuxuryWoman2017, yes it was a combination of 'Life is short' and something a bit more mysterious, like the anxiety of it was so over the top that I needed an equally powerful retail bang to counter it, and a t-shirt wasn't going to do it. I collect antique Czech necklaces and had been dabbling in the lower end of that but when my mum was diagnosed I went for the pieces I'd rejected as too pricey, like 5x more than my previous price limit.

It was also a matter of the cancer coming at a particularly low moment in my mum's life, when other massive life stuff was happening, so we were bit punch-drunk by then. I think it was a bit like all bets are off now, life is just a whirling vortex of chaos so who gives a fuck.

My mum is fine now, but I have dozens of expensive necklaces I only wear on rare occasions.

Re the navy blazer I will be no help talking anyone out of that as it's one of my staple pieces. But I lucked into a good one when I wasn't looking and I accept that if you're looking it will be hard to find.

[DuckBilledAardvark]

Yes but only online, if I go to the actual shops my husband has to force me to buy stuff! But online I can come back to stuff and make a decision or be taken in by the marketing.

I had a Paul McKenna audio CD of ‘How to overcome emotional over spending’ years ago, I should dig it out!

It’s always ‘this next purchase will make my life perfect’