I’ve given up and I wish I hadn’t.

[JudgeRulesNutterButter]

I look shit. Flat saggy boobs, grey skin, lank hair, horrendous Mirena spots, podgy tum. There are no good features left to accentuate.

After my first DC I was back at work so although I didn’t have much time, I did have a bit of cash to occasionally order things online.

After my second I am now a SAHM, a decision I’m very happy about except I no longer feel justified in spending any money on myself. There seems no point. So my beauty regime is whatever’s on offer, and my clothes are being worn till they’re holey and then replaced with stuff from Sainsbury’s. I have decent foundation which I ask for for Christmas/birthday, that’s about it.

I don’t really know what I want out of this thread. I don’t even know if I want to change? Because it will be so much effort. It’s so hard to do things without money. But I’m starting to hate avoiding mirrors

[OCSockOrphanage]

You want to change. That's all you need, surely? So hit your local charity shops. Look at anything if the colours and patterns sing to you. Learn a bit of sewing. It might move you forward.

[mickeymacca]

Ah I'm sorry to read how you're feeling. Do you have a favourite outfit you like to wear or even a fave top? Get it out of your wardrobe now and hang it where you can see it. Get in the bath and wash your hair ready for tomorrow. Then get up in the morning and put on only what makes you feel good. Don't wear the clothes you don't like. Have little goals each day that make you feel good. For me, having my hair nice and a bit of makeup makes me feel better. If might be something different for you. Don't let it get you down xxx

[endofthelinefinally]

If you have a good haircut you can get away with almost any clothes.
Conversely, if your hair is a mess, even the best clothes wont look good.
If you can, treat yourself to a good haircut. Something easy to maintain.
My hairdresser comes to me and charges £20. Ask around.

[Fosterdog123]

Sainsbury's do some lovely clothes, so don't worry about shopping there. It's hard once you've lost your mojo to get it back again. It all feels too much like an uphill struggle. You don't however have to spend a lot of money to get some bits, which might help you to start feeling better. The Ordinary do some very reasonably priced skincare which has rave reviews, as do Superdrug.

[JoyceDivision]

Def agree re hair, get a decent cut that suits you, nit what suits some one else, then that's a good chunk of your battle sorted.

My skincare is what's on offer, but I akwzys get facecream with an spf, I never really wearcmakeup but like to know basic moisturiser is sorted to make my skin look a tad less knackered!

My wardrobe is not exciting, black t and boyfriend jeans, but I love that staple outfit and because i like it and I'm comfortable it shows as I am more confident... personally I can'tcooe with trinkets and faff and accessories but other people will swear by them.... it's finding YOUR style, not A style

[halfwitpicker]

How do you want to look? Within reason

[Ofthread]

If you are SAHM then do you have an income from DH/DP to reflect what you are putting in? I don’t have a large salary so I can empathise, also, once you aren’t in work perhaps style goes a bit out of the window unless you have a lot of social occassions. Sorry not much help but could you get a few things that you really love and build some outfits around?

[Ofthread]

I actually struggle with the knee one, I’m a total wuss.

[BlueEyedWonder]

I’m sorry to read you feel like this at the moment. Maybe you can start by focusing on healthy eating, taking the children out for spring walks (Pushing a buggy is great exercise) and getting a hair cut. I get my eyebrows threaded every couple of months (I pay £5) and it makes me feel very groomed.
In terms of clothes, I think you can do quite a lot with relatively few items if you choose carefully. Choose jeans in a shape that flatters you. A blue pair and a black pair. A couple of Tshirts, a blouse or a shirt, a jumper and a trench for spring. Maybe a shirt dress for going out. Sneakers are good for chasing around after kids in and maybe some biker boots. Whatever your style, remember to buy for the life you lead rather than what you think you should have in your wardrobe

[Ofthread]

Wrong thread!

[JudgeRulesNutterButter]

Interested that so many of you mention a haircut. My last one was end Nov, I went for a really really dirt cheap trainee stylist, and the cut was awful. I think that might have been the thing which made me finally feel that none of it was worth bothering with. Not that my hair was amazing before but usually a haircut gave it/me a boost and this was the opposite!

I’ve had a different hairdresser recommended to me since so I might splash out on another haircut even though it’s not really necessary.

Ofthread (great name ) DH and I share all our money, there’s no problem with not actually having it. It’s just that we don’t have enough that I ever feel like I want to put myself at the top of the list. There’s always something else that’s more “worth it” than me, basically.

halfwitpicker How do I want to look? Um, I think I would just like there to be something, anything, that someone could compliment. There literally isn’t anything at the moment.

[DuckBilledAardvark]

Go and look at The Ordinary website. It's so cheap and the products are lovely, feel at least three times the price. Treat yourself to some lotions and potions.

[CurbsideProphet]

Look for the bra intervention threads on here, then order some bras on bra stop (they do good deals on "last season" bras).

I agree about getting eyebrows threaded, as they do "shape" the face. I get mine done at the walk in regis salons at tesco!

Try to stick to short exercises every day. I do 100 crunches every morning. It means that I start the day feeling positive that I have achieved something!

Even if I don't paint my nails I keep them even and shaped, as I feel more groomed.

Test out different styles of clothes to work out what suits.

Remember that you are worth spending money on

[Vinotinto78]

Been there. I found small (tiny) steps were the way forward. A nice (inexpensive) perfume, freshly washed hair, a cheap but nice pair of earrings all help make me feel more groomed but take little time or effort. Once I started to do these little things for myself, momentum gathered and I became accustomed to making an effort. Not that anyone "should", but it works for me. If all else fails try sunnies, a masssive scarf, lipstick and a purposeful walk. If in doubt, always go badass.

[DarkDarkNight]

It's worth trying. Small steps and all that. I always feel better after a good haircut so that's a good idea.

I was very similar to you. I just gave up after my relationship ended. I was an exhausted single mum, suffering with anxiety and depression. I went from a total beauty junkie to not even moisturising for days at a time.

I don't know why but one day I decided something had to change. I started losing weight, and as I started to feel a little better about my body I found I was more inclined to start to take care of my appearance again. I started thinking about skincare again and doing things like body brushing and using body lotion.

There are days I still feel very down about myself - stretch marks, saggy breasts, I can't imagine anybody will ever want me again, but I take more pride in my appearance.

[SureIusedtobetaller]

It’s that feeling of losing yourself I think, being a mum. Then it’s suddenly too hard to get back.
Little things- body scrub and moisturise so you feel soft. Nails nice, get a buffer and polish them, make sure your eyebrows are neat and get a haircut you like. Lovely shower gel always makes me feel good for some reason.
A good bra does wonders too.

[Mossbystrand]

Agree to all the suggestions regarding diet, new bras, hair cut & threading. I would also recommend that you book a free stylist session at John Lewis or a department store. They will suggest clothes that suit your shape and colouring, there's no obligation to buy. You'll gain lots of good ideas amd suggestions for future shopping trips. I've learnt that round and high neck tops don't suit me because I'm big chested so v necks are more flattering.

The shops I buy from vary but I buy a lot fron Sainsbury's premium collection on line, their high waisted skinny jeans are fab. I've had them a year now and they haven't sagged or faded. Uniqlo is brilliant for good value basics like t shirts, jeans and day dresses. Both shops mentioned do a lot of cotton which is sadly missing from a lot of shops.

[Mossbystrand]

I also buy from high end high street shops during the sale and buy classic items which can be worn anytime rather than fast fashion. Buying a new bag and shoes also help to complete a look as well as new make up. Super drug stock a few inexpensive ranges such as MUA & Sleek so it's easy to add a new item for not much money.

[Mossbystrand]

Debenhams and John Lewis are the best places I've found for a bra fitting. Stay clear of M&S, they like sizing up everyone as 32B even though you're obviously not that size.

[Situp]

I would second the John lewis recommendation. So relaxing to sit on a couch with a cup of tea whilst someone brings the clothes to you. It is free and I didn't feel any pressure to buy stuff at all.

I would focus on really simple but well fitting clothes. You have lost yourself a bit so it is not the time to be trying anything too adventurous as there is a high chance of getting the wrong thing.

For me, it is skinny jeans, smart boots, a plain top and then a bright scarf. This is pretty much my uniform at the moment and it means I know I always look smart without having to spend ages stressing in front of the wardrobe.

Get a haircut and if you would normally wax etc. get that done too. The bigger stuff like dieting will follow.

[IJustLostTheGame]

feeling grotty and lost is horrid.
I agree that small things racking up over time do great things.
Get your hair recut with the recommendation that you have. It is necessary. You didn't like the last cut and it wasn't a good one. I splashed out on a babyliss big hair too. It really worked for me.
Theres nothing wrong with buying stuff on offer. For years I've been on a tiny budget after turning sahm. Tesco did a 3 for £5 thing on skincare and I did that. After a few weeks I did notice a difference. And I felt better about being me again.
And there's nothing wrong with clothes from Sainsbury's. They have some really nice clothes.
I agree with looking around and finding looks that you like and having a picture in your head beforehand.
And yes to eyebrow threading.
You havent given up on yourself. You've just had some time off.

[endofthelinefinally]

I have had to completely change my style on practically no money since being disgnosed with a horrible condition. I had to stop work, have been put on ever increasing meds that have made me put on loads of weight, I am now allergic to all my make up and skin care.
Then I suffered a horrific bereavement.
I was really in the depths of despair.
But I am beginning to get my head round my changed body. I discovered Tesco's jeggings, bought a really comfy pair of ankle boots
(feet are very painful), and a couple of tunics from Asda. I have a collection of scarves from charity shops.
I think it is mostly a psychological mountain to climb. I completely understand that feeling of losing yourself.
As others have said, start with small steps.

[Mossbystrand]

Check out pintrest for styles that you like and then copy it on your budget.

[Weezol]

Have you got a local college with a hairdressing/beauty department? They often have a salon in the building for trainees. Mine is great, pedicure and lower leg massage for £10, facials for £5. Because they are students they are well supervised and take plenty of time over skin type, appropriate products etc.

For me, the right perfume can totally change how I feel. New Look, Superdrug and M&S are a good place to start on a budget.

[FeedtheTree]

Please don't fall into the hole of thinking because you're the SAHP you're not worthy of having any family income spent on you. It's a really vicious downhill spiral. Just sort out a monthly budget. Doesn't have to be huge. Clothes and self care are not luxuries, they are necessities. You need to be in top form to care for DC. And to show DC that SAHMs aren't worthless slaves.

If money is tight look for a hairdressing school or salon that has trainees and get a good cut for free or low price.
Superdrug do very affordable facemasks that calm the spots and get rid of the greyness.
Drink loads of water.
Get out in the fresh air for a couple of hours a day.
Sainsburys clothes are fine. They're cheap and have some good, fashionable every day stuff perfect for being a mum. But they don't last. So once they're grey/baggy/bobbly, replace them. or look for a few better made pieces that cost more but are classics - a good merino or cashmere sweater, a blazer, good jeans, boots and trainers - the clothes you have to live in when running around after small children don't have to be grim.