Controversial: I'm fat.

[Jellyheadbang]

I don't know how to deal with this. It's been creeping up over a couple of years, I was tiny for a while running and swimming almost daily healthy diet, had an accident and lost my mojo have long term illness and chronic pain but had almost overcome the symptoms accident put me right back to rock bottom again and since then have put on a couple of stone, doesn't sound much but I'm five feet tall (small) with massive joint/skeletal issues as well as fibromyalgia and each extra kilo is a killer in terms of pain and fatigue
I do not know how to get myself slim and fit again. I'm in permanent pain, excruciating pain despite my pain meds and I struggle to walk, my local swimming baths closed Down and the next nearest is miles away, I don't drive so used to cycle everywhere but this is now impossible.
I had a goodhonest look at my body today and I'm sad to say it absolutely repulsed me.
I'm mid 40s and on hrt so weight loss will not come easy to me.
I try super hard to eat healthy but low mood and permanent exhaustion make it easy to give in.
I'm trying to do KonMari method on my home but really struggling with clothes: NONE of my winter stuff fits. I don't want to buy new as that's acknowledging what an ugly lump I've become but at the same time it's not nice to squeeze myself into tight sausage skin clothes anymore.
I'm so paranoid what people must be saying about me.
I can't afford gym (single mum mortgage etc)
Please help and please forgive my denigrating self talk, that's just the mood I'm in today

[ExConstance]

I've lost quite a lot of weight this year and was about to pass on some ideas but unfortunately the other problem areas in your life mean that they would not be right for you. So, have you thought of going to see your GP to see if there is any activity he can prescribe ( such as gym membership or slimming World) to get you started, I think they give you a free number of weeks to see how it goes. Maybe your GP would OK something like Tai Chi from youtube clips? Some Yoga teachers are trained in adapting classes for people with injuries or disabilities too. If it is a reliable diet that you really want the Michael Moseley Blood Sugar Diet might be right for you, and there is a community on here under the Weight Loss topic for support. Hope someone else is along with some other ideas for you soon.

[DubaiismyBlackpool]

Ah love, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Ok, firstly you are not an ugly lump.

Secondly, folk aren’t gossiping about you - at worst it’ll be ‘have you seen Jelly lately? It’s a bit worrying’

Third, there is something you can do to help yourself. Take a hard look at your diet, get a free app and take it from there. Exercise wise, walking for 30 moline a day really helps.

I’ve been where you are, twice! I thought I couldn’t lose weight on meds, over 50 and menopausal but I did, nearly 30 kilos.
And put 25 back on over 3 years. It showed me it - losing weight - is possible and even walking is exercise. I used to think if I ever put the weight back on I’d DIE of shame. I didn’t, I had a lovely 3 years eating food, but now it’s time to shift it again.
If my car has a flat I don’t give up and torch the car, I fix it. And that’s what I’m doing.

Trust me, you’ve got this and as each pound comes off you’ll feel better.

[MrsOverTheRoad]

I sympathise. I'm 45 and suffer from joint pain...I lost a stone by walking OP....and cutting out crisps and coke!

I made myself eat breakfast every morning....even though I hated it. Porrige or boiled eggs. Then I'd have a banana mid morning....lunch was a massive salad of rocket, tuna and tomatoes....then few unsalted nuts...dinner I would have chicken or fish with a tiny portion of rice and a load of kale.

I walked as much as possible daily. It's not easy but it can be done.

[DubaiismyBlackpool]

30 mins not moline! I’d pass out walking 30 mile

[dirtyprettything]

I would actually suggest buying yourself a really nice outfit that fits and makes you feel happy. Buy something lovely for the size you are, don’t punish yourself by not having nice things.
A lovely outfit, some shoes and a manicure if you can afford it will make you feel better right now. Be kind to yourself.

[randomer]

Don't you think excess weight is a symptom of something else? We all know excess calories equals weight gain
Thousands and thousands of (particularly) women are on this never ending cycle of weight gain /self loathing /dieting. It's horrible. It's no life. We are worth so much more.

[Kleptronic]

I posted this on another thread. Weight is 80% diet, at least 80%. You can do this without exercise. I feel for you, you sound so sad! But you have identified you want to do something about it and that's good.

Have you tried Low Carb High Fat (LCHF) - not the Blood Sugar Diet, though it is similar, but not restrictive in calories.

You eat to satiety. You eat when you want. You eat low carb, moderate protein and high fat.

The high fat and low carb moderates your hormones, the protein and fat keeps you feeling full - your appetite decreases markedly, without restricting food. There are claims that it reduces inflammation/joint pain too (see the Diet Doctor site link below).

There is a longstanding Low Carb Bootcamp on here about 3 times a year run by a Mumsnetter called BIWI, they are currently in week 6, anyone can join at any time, with recipes, support, resources, support and support. The link to the resources/rules spreadsheet is in the OP of the thread. You would be supported! This is the general category and there are people on the thread who have many health issues, OP, and one who can't move much at all.

The Diet Doctor site is also a very good resource - scroll down a bit, it's all free, you don't have to sign up to anything.

[thedevilinablackdress]

It must be very hard dealing with the pain and easy to focus on the negatives and what you can't do. Honestly though, diet is the key. Not going on a diet but improving the one you have. Try to look on it as self care, being good to yourself. And if you can, treat yourself to some nice clothes that fit, a definite booster. All the best.

[LEMtheoriginal]

Lots of things to say but firstly fuck if - have a hug!! You are not a lump.

Clearly being in pain will prevent you from being active. Then maybe your pain medication is contributing. There is limited things you can do with that.

Things you can control are how you treat yourself. Have a long hard look at yourself and look at YOU. Look at positives and affirm them.

Get your hair cut if you can. Do you wear make up?

Then look at a healthy eating plan. Not a diet just healthy food that will make you feel better.

Get some counselling too. The pain must really drag you down

[Cauliflowercheede]

You’ve posted this in style and beauty so I’m going with that rather than diet advice.

Get a good hair cut. Not colour as it’s harder to keep up with that, but a good manageable cut.

If you wear glasses, do you like them? There are some great one avialable. Make sure they’re not too small or large for your face.

What clothes do you like wearing? Have you got a good bra? Maybe a make up thing where they do it for you?

[MuggaTea]

1. You are fabulous
   
2. Get a new hair cut
   
3. feel a little bit more fabulous
   
4. Try to slowly increase your walking (depends on the nature of your chronic pain? - will weight loss make walking easier?)
   
5. can you try simple gentle pilates at home ?

[Originalfoogirl]

My dad was in a similar situation and found his GP really helpful with what was available for people who struggle to exercise because of pain.

@ ExConstance.

Well done! Care to share any tips for those of us who might benefit?

[TatterdemalionAspie]

5:2 intermittent fasting for weight loss, and learn to eat for gut health/your microbiota, which will help your immune system function properly.

Read this...
The Diet Myth

And this is a very supportive group...
www.facebook.com/groups/the52diet/

There's a long running 5:2 thread on here, too.

[whiskyowl]

I could have written your post (but with different health conditions).

I don't know what the answer is, but hoping this thread can help me too. I feel like I am in a much more general condition of Slump, and I can't quite find the key to unlocking it and moving forward. Sometimes I think it can be something that appears unrelated - I'm wondering, in your case, whether driving lessons might work?

Giving you a fistbump of solidarity and a hug.

[randomer]

Can't imagine starving yourself for 2 days a week would help.

[FuckFaulkerILikeTheGruffalo]

I'm so sorry to hear about how you are feeling and your pain. You are not a lump!!

You can definitely lose weight without exercise, the way to do it is by diet. Basically, if you don't put it in your face in the first place you don't need to burn it off - a revelation to me a few years ago.

I would recommend trying myfitnesspal or chronometer to do your weight, bmi and most importantly, resting metabolic rate - the amount of calories you need to sit on your bum, have your body function (keep the lights on basically!) without losing weight. If you eat less that these calories every day, you'll create a calorie deficit so your body will burn up your excess weight. If you can get a bit of walking or any kind of exercise you can manage in there, you'll be flying. It may take a while, but losing weight slowly is safer anyway. Those sites I mentioned are great for logging what you're eating and how many calories it is, fat, carbs etc. After a couple of weeks on a new healthy eat regime you won't need the app to guide you anymore.

As for your winter clothes, I would keep the nice things for next winter and buy cheap from primark for leggings and cosy jumpers for this year. You aren't going to fit in them super quick, so just try not to stress about that. You can't control that, but you can do something to make changes in time for next winter.

I really hope your pains improve as you progress through a new eating plan etc, must be just awful

[QueenofWhatever]

I agree with the others that the best way to deal with the weight issue is LCHF. I’d be a bit more wary of 5:2 due to the exhaustion fibromyalgia brings.

I have chronic pain conditions, including fibromyalgia so fully understand where you’re coming from. The clinical consensus now is that exercise is the most effective way of to treat fibro, not pain meds. Also the longer you take the meds, the less effective they tend to be and they can put a strain on other parts of your body such as the liver.

www.medpagetoday.com/rheumatology/fibromyalgia/59220

ard.bmj.com/content/early/2016/07/04/annrheumdis-2016-209724

It was a long road for me, but I gradually worked on my strength and stamina and no longer take any meds. You’ll need a different approach and timescale rather than just jumping in and doing C25K etc.

At first I could only do a bit of yoga, about two downward dogs a day. It’s taken me 3-4 years to build up to the stage of going to the gym several times a week, hiking etc. But my pain and overall health are better than they have been in years.

Good luck, just remember little and often. Fibro pain is different, so move your body a bit even when you don’t want to and really focus on having a high quality diet.

[ilovecherries]

2 years ago I could have written your post OP (in fact I probably did!). I'd had an accident, multiple surgeries, probably depressed, weighed about 16 stone.

I got a lot of help on here to start valuing myself right now, in this moment. I got a haircut, waxed my brows, learned how to give myself a decent manicure, bought some clothes that fitted me and looked nice, rather than buying anything from the men's department of mountain warehouse that actually covered me. I decided not to worry about my fat at that point. I also went back to the GP and insisted on a pain clinic referral. At that point I was on morphine patches, rescue tramadol, naproxen and god knows what else, and I was STILL in pain. The pain vlinic wasn't a magic bullet, but they helped a lot. Over time I sent the wheelchair back, reduced the crutches and eventually moved to a single stick. My simple rule in the early days was that everyday, no matter how bad I felt, I put on earrings, perfume and mascara. It sounds trite, but it helped. As did having a few nicer things to wear. I started to feel that there was hope.

I didn't feel able to begin to tackle the weight issue till early this year. I joined the LCHF bootcamp mentioned above by Kleptronic, and I've since lost 50 lbs and still losing. About 6 weeks ago I felt able to risk more vigorous exercise, and started a C25K programme, and this morning, I ran my first non stop mile :)

The point is though, that first of all I had to learn to value me. Rather than hating myself for how I looked, I had to accept and celebrate my poor broken body for surviving. I had to accept that bring fat wasa coping mechanism rather than a moral failing. So I was in a mess for a long time, probably took a year to do the mind stuff, and have spent this year working on the physical (which of course brings up more mind stuff, but that's another story!). I'm also quite a bit older than you, so it's never impossible to change.

Good luck, and do come and join us on the bootcamp if you feel it might be for you. But whatever you do, start being kind to yourself :)

[JessicaEccles]

Oh OP! I know how you feel. I am fat for the first time in my life- I have always been underweight before.

It's the quadruple whammy of steroids, chronic pain, immobility and HRT. But I STILL buy myself some nice new clothes, and I am trying to remain positive and not hate myself

[Jellyheadbang]

Oh wow thank you so much guys
What lovely messages.
I'm going through some huge life change stuff at the mo and am prone to introspection and have been self flagellating (metaphorically) about various things such as failed relationships, struggles to keep house etc. I've been a single mum for a few years and it's been so hard and juggling all the plates has been stressful, much easier when fitter and now my kids comment almost daily on my fat and wobbly bits (they're small kids)
A recent ex came back on the scene, he came to collect stuff, we ended up shagging despite my self hatred and I felt ashamed afterwards especially when I found out from someone else some huge lies he'd been telling me throughout our relationship and when we split. I'd been tempted to get back with him and now I know he lied I feel used but also a bit of a laughing stock as I feel so fat and unattractive and wonder what he must have been thinking of me, crazy I know but it has triggered loads of stuff for me, I knew he was emotionally abusive but I kept pushing it aside and got quite depressed which I know hasn't helped my weight or health.

I was learning to drive but had to stop due to cost and lack of retention: every time I get behind the wheel it's almost like the first time twenty odd years ago. I just can't cope with remembering and anxiety, all of which comes under the fibro umbrella (my excuse anyway)
I can't even afford a haircut at the mo, am currently listing LOADS of decent clothes, shoes etc on eBay just to fund Christmas!
I have picked up a few charity shop winter items, a jumper dress which looked lovely in the house but when I caught sight of myself in a shop window I felt like one of those older Mediterranean women you see in Greece. No offence to any Mediterranean women, but you know what I mean, dressed in black, usually in headscarf. I'm short and olive skinned (mix race) very curvy and long dark curly hair, all my greys coming through, no time / energy / inclination to do own hair and even when I wear make up it seems to disappear.
I've just got new specs which I love and paid for by work optical scheme so that was lucky!
I will read all replies carefully and look into LCHF bootcamp.
I'm going to try and start with a fuck load of veg, I keep buying healthy food then throwing it away as it goes off become very eyes: no energy to cook either, kids are on ready meals.
I know it sounds awful I'm trying my best but am so overwhelmed and knackered.

[JessicaEccles]

A good place for clothing for ahem.. larger sizes is oxfam online. They have some lovely dresses and then I don't feel as if I am 'committing' to being this size

[randomer]

I'm sure the kids love all of you, especially wobbly bits. Never mind the shag with ex. It suited you at the time and that's it.

[Jellyheadbang]

Thank you randomer it did suit at the time!
I need to get out of this headspace!

[randomer]

Curvy and olive skinned with trendy glasses sounds OK to me.

[OneNightTimeMenaceStrikesBack]

I identify SO much with your op jelly I have a chronic pain disease and I have put SO much weight on between the pain meds, the steroids and the inability to move properly.

You are not a lump though and im positive you are not ugly either!

BE kind to yourself and change one thing, just one tiny thing at a time. I've lost 16lbs recently by doing a bastardized version of slimming world. I didn't even know i'd lost it as we've no scales at home, i was just working on eating healthier food and enjoying it and only found out i'd lost that weight yesterday when i was weighed to have sedation at the dental clinic! 16lbs might not sound much but i'm even shorter than you at under 4'10'' so every pound off is s trimuph as far as i'm concerned.

Be gentle with yourself and don't hide away, no one will be gossiping about you and never mind about the bumping uglies with your ex, it worked for you at that moment in time so don't be ashamed and don't give it a second thought!

I hope you find a routine and eating plan that work for you but in the mean time, be kind to yourself and concentrate on treating yourself nicely and with love