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I've just seen a photo of myself and I look dreadful

(113 Posts)
StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 17:27:56

My hair looks really yellow, my teeth look horrendous and I just look really bloody boring. I also have terrible skin.

I've had issues with myself ever since I was a teen when I overheard someone say 'she'd be hot if she had a bag over her head'. I don't mind my body so much, I just really hate myself from the neck up.

I used to shy away from photos but I started to regret having no photos of myself to look back on, and now I bloody regret letting anyone near me with a camera.

What are your tips for making yourself feel better? I am in the process of looking into braces for my teeth, which I hope will make a big difference.

I think lightening my hair would also help, but I follow the Curly Girl method now and I can't work out whether bleaching it will damage the curls.

I'm only bloody 28, I really don't want to be feeling this rubbish about myself when I should be feeling my best.

I'd post the picture, but I don't have a thick enough skin to deal with the negative comments.

ItchySeveredFoot Mon 23-Oct-17 17:30:01

Drink lots of water for a start. I bought a big bottle and drink several bottles a day and now my skin looks amazing.

WipsGlitter Mon 23-Oct-17 17:33:49

We can so easily focus on the worst part. I HATE my teeth / smile but other people don’t see why I see.

Do you wear makeup? What about a store makeover?

Hair mask? New stylist - ask on here for recommendations.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 17:37:28

I am terrible for drinking water, mainly because I'm always outside and hate being stuck needing a wee. Need to get better at that, definitely.

I don't wear makeup generally, a bit of mascara and maybe something on my eyebrows but that's about it. Of course, I wore a full face of makeup in said photo, and still look boring!

I think a good haircut would be good, but I'm finding it hard to find a hairdresser for curly hair. I don't think it's curly enough for an Afro/carribean hairdresser...

KoolKoala07 Mon 23-Oct-17 17:42:00

For a start, think more positively about yourself.
The person making the bag over the head comment sounds like their personality is ugly.
What about a new hair style/ colour?
Adopt a new skin regime. Cleanse, tone, moisturise daily, exfoliate twice weekly.
Buy some new makeup or have a make over.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 17:45:17

Hair definitely needs a colour. Hoping some curly girl experts will be on to tell me what I should be able to have.

Skin care is a good one, I do always feel better when I take the time to focus on that.

Sparkletastic Mon 23-Oct-17 17:47:10

Do you look after your skin? Especially important with you working outside. I’ve recently bought a load of stuff from The Ordinary and it’s no frills bloody brilliance. ASOS and Victoria Health sell it online. May try a B.B. cream. Bit of lippy or tinted salve.

Mainly it’s about self esteem though. Investing a little bit of time and money in looking after your skin and hair can help that if you are mentally somewhat hard on yourself.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 17:50:01

I go through phases of spending lots of time cleansing/toning etc, and then normally end up missing days and just splashing water on my face blush

I've heard The Ordinary products pop up quite a few times, so I'll have a look into them. I just use the Simple stuff at the moment.

I am very negative about myself, I know I need to change that. It's so hard though.

PolkaDottyRose Mon 23-Oct-17 17:58:51

The world is full of very cruel people, who without really thinking about the consequences of their words will say things such as you had said to you, neither knowing or caring that you have to carry those words and their impact forever. I am truly sorry that that happened to you..I have experienced similar. I'm a bit older than you..47..and for years I hid myself away because I hated how I look (still do hate it)..but post 40 I woke up one day and realised all the years I had wasted existing, but not living, because I allowed my lack of whatever to define me. I can tell you that that was a sobering and distressing realisation - you can't ever get that time back. You are so much more than some cruel idiots throwaway comment. Take a look around you next time you go out - people of all shapes and sizes, varying degrees of attractiveness (which is completely in the eye of the beholder) are out there just living, while they can. Please, do the same.

Wilma55 Mon 23-Oct-17 18:01:35

Try some shampoo for gray hair which neutralises yellow hair.

ShirleyPhallus Mon 23-Oct-17 18:06:32

Firstly, I am sure you're not even at all as bad as you think smile

Secondly, there is lots you can do to be a slightly better looking version of you:
- see a doctor about your skin
- buy some crest tooth whitening strips
- for curly hair - get some balayage highlights, they look gorgeous in curls because they highlight individual curls
- go to Charlotte Tilbury and buy every single bit of make up you try. It's all gorgeous

Lastly, please go and see a therapist to feel better about yourself. This level of self hatred isn't healthy and no amount of make up and highlights will make you feel beautiful if you don't feel confident inside

ShowMeMySilverLining Mon 23-Oct-17 18:11:27

I have super bleached curly hair. I was worried it would all snap off. It’s fine as long as I don’t straighten / dry it too often, and do some sort of deep conditioning every couple of weeks. So go for that if you’d like to - I think it makes me look better and more interesting.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:13:18

Polka you've expressed exactly what I worry about. I'm so fed up of stifling my laugh so people don't see my teeth, and I know in 30 years time I will wish I just laughed freely. I'm quite confident about the rest of me, and really wish it was the same story for all of me. It's horrible how such a small comment can have a huge impact. In reality, I've faced many many comments about my teeth, but that one comment above is the one that's stuck in my mind.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:14:47

I had my hair bleached very very white a few years back, and I loved it! I think I will look into that again. I'm blonde naturally anyway so it only really needs a half head highlights, I just don't want to damage the curl I've spent the last 6 months trying to get back.

RoganJosh Mon 23-Oct-17 18:17:06

You sound so sad. I wonder how your head can look 'boring'. Is it your clothes/accessories instead? Or your opinion of your personality? I'm musing rather than being critical.

Is it worth posting the pic so we can make practical suggestions?

dorislessingscat Mon 23-Oct-17 18:17:08

Do you think you need cosmetic dentistry?

Good skin starts with the basics - water, healthy eating, sun screen, enough sleep (especially the latter).

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:22:08

I most definitely need quite extensive dentistry. It's rather a long story about why, but I'm trying to save up for it now.

Perhaps if I post the picture compared with one a few years ago where I felt a bit more confident (at least hair wise) that might be a good comparison?

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:22:56

But yes, I suppose I do often wonder if my personality is rather boring, so perhaps I'm projecting there?!

Kitsharrington Mon 23-Oct-17 18:24:52

Whitening your teeth will go a long way to improving your smile, even if your teeth are crooked. Yellow teeth are very, very ageing and having them professionally whitened (IMO) can take years off your face and really freshen you up. The crest strips are terrible if you are prone to sensitive teeth, and you get much better results from the dentist. So worth the investment. Go see a good hairdresser and get a good cut and colour that suits your skin tone (which may not even be your natural colour - many blondes with pink skin tones can look much better as a cool brunette, or even grey). Check out the Ordinary mentioned above for skin care (they have suggested regimens for whatever problem you are dealing with, so it's easy to buy even if you don't know what you're doing!)

Most importantly though, however you feel about yourself inside is going to show on your face no matter how much money you throw at the problem. I promise that whatever you don't like about your looks are not what people see. They see a friendly smile and sparkling eyes. Try and feel more confident about yourself and it will show.

SummerRoberts Mon 23-Oct-17 18:26:19

Ok so what things do you like about yourself? I know it’s harder to think of things you do like, but think of some and concentrate on them!
You don’t mention your eyes- do you like them? What colour are they? You could get an eyeshadow palette and a liquid liner and play about with some looks. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know how, you can learn. Watch some YouTube videos.
Can you afford a trip to the hairdressers? Treat yourself. Go and get your hair completely restyled. Take some pics with you of how you’d like your hair to look.
Try a purple shampoo to tone down the yellow-ness.
Tomorrow drink at least two litres of water. Make sure you cleanse and moisturise every night. Why not have a nice bubble bath tonight? Put some of your favourite music on and relax.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure for every “flaw” that you see, everyone else sees a positive.

Regularsizedrudy Mon 23-Oct-17 18:26:58

I know you posted in style and beauty so aren't really looking for philosophical replies but please try to remember op that you don't owe prettiness to anyone. And people who make horrible comments aren't worth thinking about. It says more about them than it does about you.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:27:03

I'm not able to have my teeth whitened unfortunately as I have a coating on my front teeth which can't be whitened.

PolkaDottyRose Mon 23-Oct-17 18:29:03

Then please, with great kindness, don't stifle your laugh, or any other part of you - be yourself - it's all you or any of us really have. In 30 years time we will not look back and wish we had laughed less or hidden away more..and none of the people we think are judging us will care what we did or didn't do either. Hold your head up proud and Carpe Diem.

StopMeLookingShit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:29:13

Thank you for the kind comments. I am trying to listen to them!

I have green eyes. I do suit purples and greys on my eyes, but despite many tutorials, I can't seem to do eye makeup for love nor money! (I used to wear thick thick eyeliner as a gothy teen, at least I've outgrown those days wink)

Wh1stles Mon 23-Oct-17 18:29:15

Try to get the BASICS in place. It sounds like you have a healthy body already so I'd work on your teeth. Believe me, I had snaggle teeth and I've got adult braces on. After this, I may need a gum graft, not sure. But I am never out of the dentist, periodontist, orthodontist, but it's making me feel a lot better about myself. It has been a long road and I wish I'd started earlier. I was 15 years older than you are now when I started to address my teeth. You are so young.

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