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How to handle this comment...

(11 Posts)
Onlyme100 Fri 20-Oct-17 17:42:44

Hi! So I went to a staff meeting, looking pretty decent and smart, makeup down, hair straightened. (I'm a mother of 3 and work part time - trust me... I know when I feel and look like a mess or exhausted). A colleague of mine who didn't bother saying hi... just blurted out "You look really tired!!" (not in a caring way but rather with a smirk). Honestly, I did not know how to react to that as I know I was not nor did not look tired. Perhaps I did to her? Perhaps she was being spiteful? Perhaps she wanted to make me feel low? I felt a bit upset as it was aid in front of others. I know I would not say it to anyone else in that way even if I did think it about someone.

What do you think of this... am I over thinking? What would you say/ how would you react to someone if they commented on your looks in that way?
ps.. Its not a self esteem thing either - its just that women can take a dig in various ways... just felt like that.

IDoAllMyOwnStunts Fri 20-Oct-17 17:45:17

Best response is 'Thank you!' With a massive smile. Really confuses people who drop out those sort of remarks.
Bet you looked great by the way x

JKR123 Fri 20-Oct-17 17:48:23

I hate it when people say that I think it's so rude. I would have been tempted to have replied 'so do you' and see how they liked that.

bingohandjob Fri 20-Oct-17 17:57:48

I've had this recently. I am knackered though...I honestly think it's helpful to let someone know if they've overstepped the mark. I basically said "I feel really tired but it doesn't help my confidence for anyone to point it out because I'm trying my best" - bat it back to them. Let them deal with it. Maybe they'll be a bit more considerate in the future.

LoisSangersVoice Fri 20-Oct-17 17:58:26

"I was up all night, if you know what I mean" wink/ smirk

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Fri 20-Oct-17 17:59:21

What a kick in the teeth! Perhaps she meant it to come out in a nice way, it's hugely bitchy to smirk after a comment like that. Is there a chance she wasn't smirking?

Unless you'd inadvertently smudged mascara all round your eyes or something?
A good response would be "It's the lighting in here, it's making you look awful too, ha ha."

SpinnerDryer Fri 20-Oct-17 18:00:23

"Do I know you?" would have come out of my mouth wink

She was being a twat.

mrsmildred Fri 20-Oct-17 18:07:18

For me it would depend on how well I knew the person saying it. If it was a colleague I was fairly friendly with, e.g. had exchanged personal info and was happy to chat with, I would take it they were asking out of minor concern, making sure I was ok, maybe they would have led on to offer help or just a friendly ear for a vent.

Someone I didn't know, then no, to comment on any aspect of my physical appearance would be a tad rude. Although lots of people say the first thing that comes into their head when they're nervous or are not very good at polite conversation.

Either way, its not a big deal and I wouldn't give it anymore thought. I wouldn't have made any comment back to make them feel bad in return. Two wrongs and all the bigger person, smile and forget it.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName Fri 20-Oct-17 18:12:09

ILostit - perfect comeback!!!

Tiedie Fri 20-Oct-17 18:17:11

I'd also try to forget it. I know it's easier said than done.
I got thata few times before the summer, in a shocked tone. Second time I said:'not particularly tired, just the way I look now.' And carried on.
If they are concerned, why can't they just ask if you are OK? Or how are you feeling? confused

neveradullmoment99 Fri 20-Oct-17 19:41:14

I think you are overthinking it. If you had made an effort and clearly didn't look tired, she may have done it out of spite because you look good. Its her problem and says more about her. Don't make it your problem.
Its not a great comment. I have had someone say it to me. It annoys me that day and then I don't think about it.

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