Since childhood I have had appalling self-confidence - I have always felt I was boring and unattractive, and as a result I have always tried to be nice, blend in, not draw any attention to myself etc. I wouldn't say I'm terribly unfashionable but everything is dark and plain and... boring. I won't wear anything too bright, or even anything "too nice" because for some reason I have it in my head that I'm not pretty enough and people would look at me and think "who does she think she is".
I rarely wear lipstick because my top lip is thin and I don't want to draw attention to it. I have had the same hairstyle and colour for years because I know if I changed it people would comment on it and I'd get embarrassed! These are just an example - it has infiltrated my whole life.
I'm 36 years old and you know what - I'm fine. I don't have a model's body but I'm slim-ish and tall. My face is fine. I have a nice smile. It makes me so sad that I've spent 25 years feeling like I want to disappear when the reality is nobody else cares about these little things!
Something clicked around a week ago and I've started making some small changes. On one of the sunny days last week I wore a jersey pencil skirt with a loose t-shirt tucked in - and even though my tummy isn't completely flat and my legs are pale I went out like that. It took me every bit of strength I have not to change back into skinny jeans and a loose top but I went! Nobody took a second glance at me and I felt great!
But this isn't a princessing thread. Likewise I popped over to the supermarket late one evening in leggings and a baggy top (a mumsnet crime) - rather than changing I just realised nobody's going to give my legs a second glance.
I'm not really sure what my next step is but hopefully someone else out there can relate and wants to join me? I bought a nice bright summery lipstick at the weekend and really want to wear it but am already cringing inside at the thoughts of people noticing. It's not going to be easy to change but if I don't take action life will have passed me by without me ever feeling good about my appearance.
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I'm stepping out of the shadows at last...
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Comingoutoftheshadows · 28/05/2017 22:06
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