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I'm stepping out of the shadows at last...

(11 Posts)
Comingoutoftheshadows Sun 28-May-17 22:06:24

Since childhood I have had appalling self-confidence - I have always felt I was boring and unattractive, and as a result I have always tried to be nice, blend in, not draw any attention to myself etc. I wouldn't say I'm terribly unfashionable but everything is dark and plain and... boring. I won't wear anything too bright, or even anything "too nice" because for some reason I have it in my head that I'm not pretty enough and people would look at me and think "who does she think she is".

I rarely wear lipstick because my top lip is thin and I don't want to draw attention to it. I have had the same hairstyle and colour for years because I know if I changed it people would comment on it and I'd get embarrassed! These are just an example - it has infiltrated my whole life.

I'm 36 years old and you know what - I'm fine. I don't have a model's body but I'm slim-ish and tall. My face is fine. I have a nice smile. It makes me so sad that I've spent 25 years feeling like I want to disappear when the reality is nobody else cares about these little things!

Something clicked around a week ago and I've started making some small changes. On one of the sunny days last week I wore a jersey pencil skirt with a loose t-shirt tucked in - and even though my tummy isn't completely flat and my legs are pale I went out like that. It took me every bit of strength I have not to change back into skinny jeans and a loose top but I went! Nobody took a second glance at me and I felt great!

But this isn't a princessing thread. Likewise I popped over to the supermarket late one evening in leggings and a baggy top (a mumsnet crime) - rather than changing I just realised nobody's going to give my legs a second glance.

I'm not really sure what my next step is but hopefully someone else out there can relate and wants to join me? I bought a nice bright summery lipstick at the weekend and really want to wear it but am already cringing inside at the thoughts of people noticing. It's not going to be easy to change but if I don't take action life will have passed me by without me ever feeling good about my appearance.

Judydreamsofhorses Sun 28-May-17 22:35:58

I just wanted to say, hurrah for stepping out of the shadows. Wear your new lipstick with pride.

DeadGood Sun 28-May-17 22:40:14

Good for you OP!

Re. the lipstick - what about dabbing a bit on over lip balm at first, and using your fingertip or a brush to even it out over your lips, so it's not as "high-impact" at first?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OCes9Eubxs

Comingoutoftheshadows Sun 28-May-17 22:48:23

Thanks for the support! I'll see how I get on with the lipstick tomorrow. It's been a weird few days as all these feelings and realisations about myself have come to the fore and I'm feeling a bit drained but hopefully this is the start of the new me.

I'll be looking for fashion and beauty advice over the coming weeks so bear with me!

I am going the same, turned 40 and found my mojo. Nobody cares what you look like they are wrapped up in their own issues, what you describe sounds lovely. Do it more, keep getting the buzz, keep taking the confidence! Good for you!

Comingoutoftheshadows Sun 28-May-17 22:54:04

Thanks SFA any tips on changes you made?

DonaldTrumpsTrump Sun 28-May-17 23:23:08

I have grown up wearing bright eyeshadow colours, brightly coloured clothes etc but one thing I have never had confidence to wear is bright lipsticks, I really don't understand why when I love most things bright and colourful but for a while now I've been wanting to do it so last week I splashed out and bought an urban decay lipstick in a strong, stand out brown colour and while I love it on me, I feel very nervous about being seen by strangers in it so I am with you on your lipstick journey smile

Comingoutoftheshadows Mon 29-May-17 06:45:00

Hope you're rocking your lipstick today Donald! It's a dark rainy day here so I think I'll leave the bright lippy but I have a nice nude one that's been hanging around for a while unused so I'll wear that instead.

I have a lovely skirt I bought from Zara that I thought I might wear on my holidays but it is totally suitable for work on a hot day that I don't have any meetings. So my next challenge is to find a suitable top for it. It's bright and colourful and not my usual office attire at all shock

Comingoutoftheshadows Mon 29-May-17 06:50:32

It's this skirt m.zara.com/uk/en/woman/skirts/view-all/printed-poplin-skirt-with-frill-c719016p4574007.html

I think it could look ok with the right top and some heeled sandals. Any suggestions welcome!

Jmangel Mon 29-May-17 07:08:07

That skirt is gorgeous and I think a plain tee or a silky camisole vest would look best - either in white or if feeling bold, then in one of the other colours of the skirt - the red would be stunning. Then nude bulky sandals - either gladiator style or block heels.
However, if you're feeling really bold then a contrasting floral top or striped tee would be really in but from your OP, that might be a step too far for now - baby steps.
Good on ya - you know we all think like this on some level and tend to gravitate to our safe styles.

Deathraystare Mon 29-May-17 10:28:34

Ooh pretty skirt and so many colours in it that can go with it (I mean when you wear a top). Wear a nice cheery lippie when you put the skirt on (you can wear a shiny balm one if a full red is daunting!).

Well done you!

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