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Is it OK to not care so much about appearance?

(12 Posts)
EleanorRigbysNeice Thu 27-Apr-17 11:11:47

I'm in my mid 50's and haven't been well recently. Not sure what. Lots of GP input ..."no abnormalities found". So, that's good.

I've always cared about my appearance. I wear makeup, have my hair done regularly; I'm not a fashion conscious person but try to look presentable. I've just come back from Sainsbury's and in taking a load of toiletries upstairs, passed a mirror on the landing. Christ, I look terrible. Time was, I wouldn't have opened the door to the postman like this! I'm clean. Hair washed and clean clothes on etc but I look tired, pale (despite Tinted Moisturiser and blush) and haven't "done" my hair. I just feel it's SUCH an effort these days. I've neither the energy nor the will to do it all.

Anyone else feeling this way? Is it the weather? Shall I accept my middle aged fate and fade into obscurity? Any tips on getting my mojo back?

Judydreamsofhorses Thu 27-Apr-17 11:20:43

Sorry to hear you've been poorly. Yes, it's okay not to care, but equally, if you feel unhappy and would like to make more effort, could you try doing one small thing every day? Or do something to give you a bit of a lift - book in for a facial, massage, manicure or whatever? (Local colleges with hair and beauty departments will usually do this free or v v cheap if money's tight, you just need to budget more time.)

Dulcimena Thu 27-Apr-17 11:31:08

Of course it's OK not to care not so much about appearance, but you clearly do care. It sounds as though you've just got out of a routine tbh, what did you use to do and which bits could you resume most easily? There's no pressure to do anything, but if it would make you feel better and more "you" then it could be time and effort well spent. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Ollivander84 Thu 27-Apr-17 11:33:00

I'm unwell and you are doing better than me! I just answered the door with wet hair, no makeup, pjs and no bra on grin

EleanorRigbysNeice Thu 27-Apr-17 13:24:01

Christ! I just left the house to pick son from college and was walking along quite happily with every button on my dress undone šŸ˜ (had a t shirt under so, no exposure). It could be that I'm losing my marbles, of course.

Thanks for the replies. I guess I could do the essentials and give myself a break. As I say...I AM clean šŸ˜Š I used to do a weekly hair deep conditioner with Redken stuff I treat myself to; I don't think I've done it since the week before Xmas. I've cut my nails so, so short because I can't feel the "need" to do them. If I could, I'd put on a uniform each day....saving having to think of what to wear. I'm heading for this aren't I?

Notreallyhappy Thu 27-Apr-17 13:32:12

That's how I feel I look most days when I've tried.
Hope things get more you soon.x

Hadenoughtoday01 Thu 27-Apr-17 13:55:24

Be gentle on yourself - that's whatI had to tell myself last week. I'm in my mid 40s work full time and have two DCs - 3 and 8. My DH got made redundant a couple of weeks ago, my mum's cancer apppears to have come back and I've got a health issue - which is manifesting itself as eczema on my hands (I've been given a clean bill of health - and have posted on health board about this). Last week, after a couple of night's of broken sleep (my youngest DC is going through a waking up phase) I looked at myself in the mirror and started being critical. My hair needs the roots doing, I look tired and despite having a fairly up to date wardrobe the top I was wearing was bobbling and had a hole under the armpit. I manage staff so I should look put together.
However I do go to the gym and practice yoga (got a fabulous DVD I make time for 2 times a week ) and I think keeping that going helps me through the worst of times. So even when I look a bit crappy or feel crappy I can bust myself out of it by doing something active.
By the way, the following day I met a friend who commented how 'on trend' my 'balayage' looked - she thought my half brown half blonde look was deliberate! So I'm just saying- we are our own worst enemies. I'm sure you are being hard on yourself.

EatsShitAndLeaves Thu 27-Apr-17 14:00:43

When your ill I find it's really hard to give much thought to how you look.

I just want to feel comfortable.

Like you OP I tend to look really washed out when ill - I've found my saviour in bronzer.

Just putting some on my cheekbones/brow/nose and jaw line seems to perk my face up no end and it's something I can slap on with a kabuki brush in 30 seconds flat.

Foundation and blusher just seem to accentuate how "ashy" and pale I am - but a good (matt - no shimmer) bronzer seems to put the colour back in my face (I use a Bobbi Brown one).

ilovecherries Thu 27-Apr-17 16:50:26

OP, I wrote a pretty near identical post on the 'old and fat' thread last year. One day I caught sight of myself in a shop mirror and didn't recognise myself. Years of chronic pain had pushed me to the point where the best I could say about myself was that I was clean. I started a rule of perfume/mascara/earrings as soon as I was showered. That felt doable. Gradually I've added other things in, and feel a lot better about myself. There are no 'shoulds' but for me, taking some power back certainly helped. Hope you feel better soon.

EleanorRigbysNeice Thu 27-Apr-17 20:28:29

That's it exactly, ILoveCherries. I'm in pain so it's utterly wearying. Last night, I got into bed and realised, I'd left my Moisturiser, lid off (ready to use and therefore drying out) in the bathroom. I knew that if I moved it'd hurt even more so, I left it. Unheard of, for me! I was cross with myself this morning because I'll swear I could feel a change in the texture of it, on my skin. I'm awake half the night hoping the pain doesn't escalate (as it has in the past) and I end up in hospital. (DH works away a lot and I'm at home with DS who has autism so, can leave him).

I thinks there's my answer. Not well and stressed. My appearance has necessarily gone to the dogs.

Tomorrow, I will do one thing...

DavetheCat2001 Thu 27-Apr-17 20:41:24

Aww OP, have an un-mums-netty hug flowers

I suffer with depression and anxiety and when I was at my lowest I couldn't care less what I look like, just getting through the day sometimes was a struggle.

Then I realised that I was starting to look old, tired and haggard. I'd put on weight and looked frumpy and miserable. My clothes were old, tatty and unflattering, and I was still trying to squeeze myself into my size10's and looking awful.

Anyway long story short, I decided I wanted to get fit, lose a stone and start looking after myself again. I think looking after young children can really sap the life out of you, but now mine are 6 and nearly 4, and I have managed to get my mood swings (for the most part) under control, I have started taking pride in my appearance again.

I think you are right in the 'do one thing a day' mantra. Be kind to yourself though, and I hope your health improves soon x

EleanorRigbysNeice Fri 28-Apr-17 16:46:30

Wow, DavetheCat you made some great changes, there. I'm not even thinking about my weight (and I'll never, ever see a size 10 again šŸ˜) ...it's just not a priority whilst I'm feeling so rough.

Today, I put a bit of bronzer on and looked and felt much much better. It took all of a minute to apply and made my eyes brighter. It's a Clinique for Men Bronzer Gel and whilst I don't use it in the depths of winter, it IS the most natural product I've ever used. Can recommend. Highly. I no longer look like an extra from Night of the Living Dead (šŸ˜‰)

It's this, for anyone (like me) who looks odd in bronzing powders.

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