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Funeral wear

(25 Posts)
longestlurkerever Thu 23-Mar-17 19:32:09

Unfortunately I have to go to a funeral next week. I have plenty of dark clothes but am not sure whether to go down the work wear route (skirt suit) or more the sort of thing you'd wear to a wedding or christening (i have a black silk dress with white trim but it would need a pashmina or something around the shoulders). I realise in the scheme of things it doesn't really matter but I've wondered this before so would appreciate knowing what the etiquette is. When my dad died i felt quite strongly i didn't want to wear work clothes but figured that was my prerogative on that occasion and wasn't worried about etiquette so much.

I think the deceased would probably have worn a sari to similar occasions (she did to weddings but not day to day) so hard take a cue from what she would have done.

Pleasemrstweedie Thu 23-Mar-17 19:34:29

I'd go for the work suit. Simpler, and also respectful.

longestlurkerever Thu 23-Mar-17 20:37:10

Yeah. It is simpler. Does make me wish I had a better work suit though. It's kind of old and ill-fitting. Feels like I'm not making enough of an effort.

NotAMammy Thu 23-Mar-17 20:57:00

If it's in a church and outside I'd concentrate most on a dark coat and scarf and sensible shoes.
If there's a burial then you may need to consider having to stand and walk on wet and muddy grass.

CantChoose Thu 23-Mar-17 21:19:36

I had to attend a funeral recently and initially put on a seemingly perfect work outfit but it just felt wrong wearing my every day work clothes for some reason. I ended up changing into a dark green smart dress I wear for dinners or rather than work.

Blankiefan Thu 23-Mar-17 21:22:03

Could you pair the dress with a dark cardigan instead of pashmina - it might strike a more comfortable balance.

longestlurkerever Thu 23-Mar-17 21:53:43

Thanks everyone. Glad I'm not the only one that wrestles with this. And thanks for the reminder about the coat. Will have to think about that as mine is red. Shoes are another aspect i forgot to mention. It is a churchyard with grass but my only flat black shoes are knee length boots.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Thu 23-Mar-17 21:57:33

I went to a friend's funeral recently and wore a navy dress with a white collar. I get what you mean about work clothes, they sort of feel like a uniform. Doesn't seem much thought gone into it.

Lolimax Thu 23-Mar-17 22:00:11

Could you buy a new outfit (like a dress?) that you'd wear for work after?

longestlurkerever Thu 23-Mar-17 22:04:34

Yeah maybe Loli. Was hoping to avoid shopping if possible but i do need a better suit.

Floisme Thu 23-Mar-17 22:14:29

I'd go with your current work clothes in dark colours. Def not wedding or Christening stuff. The main thing is to wear something reasonably smart and sober that doesn't stand out. (Unless the family say otherwise.)

SirVixofVixHall Thu 23-Mar-17 22:32:14

I try to be particularly smart for funerals. I need something myself for my Godfather's funeral next week- I am looking for a dress as I find one garment easier than separates, especially as I don't normally wear black . You will also need a dark coat or jacket, it is still quite cold so you could wear your boots if you have a longer skirt or trousers. Dark grey is ok, as is navy. A black dress is always acceptable, you can make it less cocktail-y by wearing it with a cardigan over the top, but you might need shoes for that. I wouldn't wear something you don't feel nice in, funerals are upsetting and it helps somehow to feel reasonably well turned out. I think it is a mark of respect too.

longestlurkerever Thu 23-Mar-17 23:12:50

Thanks Sirvix. That's good advice and i am sorry for your loss.

TheCakes Thu 23-Mar-17 23:16:38

I bought a black dress for my step-dad's funeral which has become a staple in my work wardrobe. It felt smart and new on the day, and still gets plenty of wear three years later.

TheCakes Thu 23-Mar-17 23:22:22

I'd go for something like this. Sorry for your loss.,default,pd.html

longestlurkerever Fri 24-Mar-17 15:10:53

Thanks yeah. I might keep an eye out. I picked up a different style of jacket in a charity shop this morning that I think would work better with a couple of dresses I have so I have more options now. Apparently the weather will be fine so I may not need to worry about the coat. Would rather wear court shoes than my boots really but may have to go down the practicality route if it's muddy.

longestlurkerever Fri 24-Mar-17 15:33:46

In fact have just tried on charity shop blazer thing with a dress I had previously dismissed as being made of weird fabric and it looks quite smart. Prefer it with the shoes but isn't terrible with the boots so I think I am sorted. Thanks everyone.

Kr1stina Fri 24-Mar-17 15:38:56

The boots are fine. If the funeral is in the UK then you need a coat to stand in the churchyard . Its always cold at funerals even if the forecast is fine. You will be shivering in a blazer only.

Just borrow one, anything darkish is fine. Even one of these plain dark beige raincoats that everyone seems to have. Just ask around you friends and family - most women have a dark coat.

longestlurkerever Fri 24-Mar-17 15:49:09

Thanks. Yeah, my mum will be here the morning of the funeral to look after my dds so will ask her to bring something. She is much shorter than me but hopefully it won't look ridiculous. I have a black cagoule butsort of feel that's worse than a smart bright coat. Sorry, it's not like me to get in a flap about clothes. Must be a distraction technique. It's dh's aunt's funeral but I was very fond of her.

Kr1stina Fri 24-Mar-17 16:10:27

Shorter is fine, it will just look liek that's the style. Most of my coats come to mid thigh, it used to be called a car coat.

You're right, black cagoul is no good and anyway won't keep you warm. You can always carry the coat over your arm and just wear it at the graveside . Or even drape around your shoulders if the size is way off.

It's fine to be in a flap about clothes. I know you just want to dress respectfully and be a support to your DH and his family. Smart dark and formal is the key and office type wear is fine, honestly.

And how nice to hear that you were fond of DH aunt , she must have been a special person.

Hope the funeral goes well . A good funeral really is a comfort to the bereaved.

Kr1stina Fri 24-Mar-17 16:35:40

Remember DH might need a black tie ( not always ) . He doesn't need a black suit, just anything smart and dark. Grey or navy suit fine if he has one, otherwise smart dark trousers and a dark jumper over a shirt is fine. Not trainers or any kind of sportswear !

longestlurkerever Fri 24-Mar-17 17:15:56

Thanks - charity shop to the rescue again. Found charcoal-coloured coat-thing for £6. It's the sort of thing that wraps around a bit like a more-fitted poncho and would soak up rain but that's what umbrellas are for.

Thanks - yes dh is fine - he would wear a suit to any kind of formal occasion but obviously it's the same suit whether it's work, wedding, funeral, Christening so he didn't really understand the question when I asked what kind of formal clothing was the female equivalent for funerals. He doesn't have a plain black tie but my gut is that navy paisley or something might be more appropriate anyway at this particular funeral. Dh's aunt was not very elderly (late 60s) and I know her sister is not going to be wearing black.

MissGoggins Fri 24-Mar-17 17:22:10

I have a funeral 'outfit'.
Simple black dress, comfy low heals if I have to walk to the graveside. Black coat and accessories.
I find it is easier than having to consider these things when I'm preoccupied with a loss.

Rattata Fri 24-Mar-17 20:12:30

I have a funeral "outfit" too - black dress, fine cardigan, tights, flat boots and a nice plain black coat, cashmere scarf and leather gloves. Crematoriums, churchyards and churches are generally freezing.

Kr1stina Sun 26-Mar-17 10:35:09

Well done on the chartity shop find. As well as finding a coat, you have donated to charity and reduced landfill. It's a triple win grin

I also have funeral outfits but it's easy for me as I have plenty of navy office wear.

I've seen very few inappropriate funeral outfits TBH and I think the main problem is young women who have never been to one before and think it's like a wedding or christening so wear what young women do to these events. Which is usually WAY too short and WAY too revealing for a funeral. Combined with the fashion for bare legs and stripper's not the best look for the great granny's send off.

Especially when they are blue and shaking with the cold, sobbing as their mascara runs down their face and their fake eyelashes peel off. Also some fake tan runs too, if you cry and rub your face enough.

And they just feel more distressed when they see how awful they look sad. Not good.

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