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Sensitive one about online shopping and babyloss

(28 Posts)
Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 07:12:08

Thought style and beauty would be the best place for this one, there is a bit of background.

It's not a sob story but i appreciate it is early days so i could be being over sensitive. A couple of years ago my pfb was stillborn, we finally braved trying for another and i have just had a second trimester mmc.

Anyway, why this falls in s&b, i regularly use an online fashion retailers website for day to day clothes and if i'm going to an event in fact i've linked to it loads on s&b. I do love shopping and it's one thing i do to cheer myself up so following my mmc last week i have started browsing for things to treat myself to now i no longer need maternity wear for the next few months.

i went to my go to site and was looking through and spotted between all the normal clothing is their maternity clothes they do do a fantastic range. Obviously this is upsetting and has put me off looking. I remember it happening after my son too.

So, in my upset i decided to contact the company and bring it to their attention. I appreciate they can't update the whole site for me but i think their target audience will include a lot of women who find themselves going through this stage in their life and with mc statistics just think it is something they should certainly consider updating sooner rather than later.

Their advice has been to use the filters and de-select maternity which is as bad as coming across maternity clothes in my opinion. I just find it really odd maternity is included in a generic search. Just for info you basically go on the site, select gender then the item you are after e.g. top, jeans etc.

It's weird and has probably upset more people than me right?

Wenchelda Tue 21-Mar-17 09:25:22

So sorry for your losses sadflowers

I sort of get what you're saying though - I've had it sometimes when I've been searching online for clothes and maternity wear comes up in the same search as normal clothes (in exactly the same way you describe - select gender then "tops" or whatever) and whilst it hasn't effected me the way it obviously would someone who has recently lost a baby, it is still annoying. I've come across an item of clothing and thought it looks nice or might be what I'm looking for but not realised it was maternity so not appropriate for what I want.

It would make more sense for maternity and non-maternity to come up in completely separate searches as you either need one or the other, not both at the same time.

LoupGarou Tue 21-Mar-17 10:44:23

flowers flowers I am so, so sorry. I've had four stillborn DC plus a few late and missed miscarriages, it is the most soul rendering thing I've ever been through. Not long after we lost DS3 I was online shopping and there was a promotional ad at the top of the website for 20% off maternity wear, it hurt so much. I threw my laptop across the room and into the wall and spent some time screaming and raging. I never usually throw things but I was so torn between rage and despair, I can't describe it.

I emailed the company and got a voucher from them, but they still do advertise in the same way, and in the nicest possible way I don't think its unreasonable of them, it just hit a nerve of mine.

Itscurtainsforyou Tue 21-Mar-17 11:27:27

So sorry OP, I've been in a similar position.

Not sure what to suggest, I know there's an app that can block baby images etc (I believe there was one called "unbaby me") but I'm not sure if it stretches to maternity stuff too.

Sending you flowers

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 12:08:04

i was just surprised at their response and am baffled as it makes no sense.

sorry to anyone else that has been there.

lou how terrible you must be such a strong person i truely hope you got a happy outcome.

Floisme Tue 21-Mar-17 12:14:26

I'm so sorry for your losses. And to everyone else on here. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Yes it would be both sensitive and sensible to separate maternity and non maternity so it was a good suggestion. Their response is arsey and, from a strictly business point of view, pretty short sighted too.

I hope you find something to treat yourself with flowers

splendide Tue 21-Mar-17 12:17:04

Very sorry for your loss that's awful.

I presume this is ASOS (not sure why you haven't just said?) - if so I actually find this irritating despite it not being upsetting to me. I suppose it's just the way the site is built though. I have to turn off tall, maternity and curve for every search. Seems inefficient.

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 12:25:25

i didn't know if you would be able to name them?

i must admit even when not pregnant i have made the same mistake as others and a maternity item has caught my eye then annoyed me as no good.

i think it's very short sighted. it's annoyed me probably more than it should but as i've said i am likely over sensitive.

splendide Tue 21-Mar-17 12:27:59

I don't think you're oversensitive at all. I agree it's really stupid.

chocolateavocado99 Tue 21-Mar-17 12:55:02

Op, I am so sorry for your loss. Loupgaruo your story made me cry. Sending hugs.

I have never thought about this before but agree that it is horribly insensitive. You are not overreacting, this does not make sense.

KanyeWesticle Tue 21-Mar-17 12:58:48

I haven't had a loss (so I know it doesn't compare) but I still get frustrated when maternity clothes are mixed in with "normal" clothes.

You KNOW if you want maternity styles - no ones stumbling on maternity clothes in serendipity. It should be an "opt in" choice.

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 13:08:44

that's exactly my point. if you needed maternity clothes you would search for them and im sure on asos there is the option to select 'maternity' so to throw them in with everything else just seems silly.

I'm glad people agree, i really didn't get the response i had hoped for from them but at least i know i'm not crazy. Maybe someone somewhere is really considering what i have said and will make the change.

LoupGarou Tue 21-Mar-17 13:22:39

Ginger thank you, but not strong - I pretty much lost my mind. Yes we have a DS now, he was our last chance miracle.

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 13:31:07

that's so good to hear and gives me hope. thanks for sharing.

i've had a previous mmc too so investigations starting now and hoping we get one to keep.

LoupGarou Tue 21-Mar-17 13:59:25

You're very welcome, my consultant once said to me that most women go on to have boringly blissfully normal successful pregnancies even after losing children. I hope with all my heart that things work out for you x.

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 14:13:58

i was at the gp yesterday and she seemed very sure it would happen. At the moment it all seems like bad luck.

First mmc was an early loss.

Stillborn son was diagnosed with a physical disability at 20 weeks. Not genetic or chromosonal. no cause of death found.

3rd pregnancy had problems from start and scan at 14+2 diagnosed suspected pataus. fortunately heartbeat had stopped few days before.

i could have lost it after my son and dont quite no how i didnt. This one has made me uneasy i really dont know how i feel and sway from feeling fine to being a mess. early days tho.

thanks again for sharing i really appreciate it and am so sorry it has been such a difficult journey.

Robin7 Tue 21-Mar-17 14:15:12

It won't help with Asos but does deleting cookies on your device help with the adverts that pop up alongside email/MN etc? flowers

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 14:33:20

yes it does and fortunately this time i didnt sign up to any baby clubs or anything so no need to worru about emails etc. thanks.

LoupGarou Tue 21-Mar-17 15:26:36

flowers You're welcome, and thank you. It takes a heck of a toll, physically, emotionally, mentally - in every way. I still have days now where I grieve and its years on, as you say its extremely early days I would just say do whatever you need to to take care of yourself and don't put any expectations on yourself. What you've been and are going through is completely crap, no words can really describe flowers x.

Gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Mar-17 15:52:39

thank you so much.

UpYerGansey Tue 21-Mar-17 17:57:22


Fuzzypeggy Tue 21-Mar-17 18:51:27

You are right op, it is annoying. I get annoyed by this on Asos, I don't want maternity things and if I did I would search specifically for them. I'm truly sorry for your losses.

rainbowgrimm Tue 21-Mar-17 19:00:23

I contacted ASOS about this at least 2 years ago, maternity was coming up when I selected the curve range. At the time they told me it was a mistake & theyd sort it, obviously not.
Having just had an ectopic pregnancy I completely understand that it can be the little things that can be upsetting when they catch you off guard.

Hulababy Tue 21-Mar-17 19:16:27

It's it just asos who do this; several sites do. I find it frustrating as I'm not looking for maternity and it's a faff going through and selecting loads of boxes in order to not have ob come up.

Surely maternity is something that should be easy to only select IF you need it rather than it being automatically added? Pretty much like lots of sites have tall and Peoria as select boxes rather than having to select all and then deselect those.

EnidButton Tue 21-Mar-17 19:30:33

I agree with you and I don't think you're being over sensitive at all. They are being insensitive and down right stupid tbh. There's just no need for maternity wear to be mixed in. It's something people go specifically looking for anyway.

I am very very sorry for your losses. I wish you all the luck in the world for the future. I hope you get some answers. flowers

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