Is it just me?

[HealthyElf]

I am mid forties and I favour a particular look that I feel suits me and I am comfortable with, casual skinny jeans with ankle boots and layered tops and jumpers in the winter. In the summer I tend to wear looser jeans and converse or maxi skirts and vests.

But it's not my clothes that I have a problem with.

Every time I brave a visit to the salon I come out looking middle aged and boring and dare I say it 'safe'.

I have never had hair longer than shoulder length as an adult as I feel it just doesn't suit me. I spend lots of time looking at Pinterest and have found amazing styles that I not only want but feel that I could cope with on a day to day basis.
I would describe these styles as messy/choppy short bobs or long pixies.

I show pictures to the stylist and explain my lifestyle etc but always come out with a smooth Boufy kind of hair that makes me look like a newsreader from the nineties.

It happened again on Monday and now I'm sad

Is it just me that this happens to?

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

You need a better hairdresser.

Do you go to a small 'local' one?

My mate is doing a hairdressing course and she's only learning about four haircuts. They probably just can't do what you want.

Find someone more experienced.

[HealthyElf]

It is a local one in a small town, supposedly the best in town. It costs £50 for my disappointment so yes I should definitely try elsewhere.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Yes, find somewhere else.

If you see someone with cool hair ask where they got it done.

Hair dressers can be a bit conveyer belty. Maybe find a part time one to come to your house? I reckon if there's a queue they get distracted and rush.

[DeadZed]

Arf at £50 for your disappointment! SEriously I think you need to either go somewhere bigger, like your nearest city or ask around. Do you know anyone with great hair? I found my hairdresser through a friend and she is fab, young and trendy but also great at cutting. I love her and even though it is awkward to get to I won't go anywhere else now.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

If you admire a haircut of someone you know, could you ask where they had it done? Recommendations are probably best. You could take pictures in to show your stylist but I agree with Joff, some hairdressers will not have the confidence or knowledge to produce an edgy modern cut.

[HealthyElf]

The irony is, the girl that cut my hair had pretty much the kind of hair I hanker after and I said I liked the back of hers and that was what I was after. She said she was growing it out.
Then she carried out the 'middle ager'
I am definitely going to take your advice and go somewhere else. Trouble is I am broke again now so it'll be a few weeks of misery.
Thank you everyone

[retainertrainer]

Oh yes! I've got a bob and I used to come of the salon with it poofed up and curled under,horrendous! It was always the younger stylists who did this. I've found a fantastic hairdresser now,she's around my age and understands what I want.

[HealthyElf]

That's brilliant, retainer. There is hope!

[marmiteloversunite]

Can you funk it up yourself with some kind of products? Can u show us a photo? I know what u mean though. I am 46 and have grey/platinum blonde hair. I have to go very short and choppy or I look very frumpy.

[bluebellation]

I used to have this problem, until I got a lovely gay male stylist, who roared with laughter when I said I didn't want an 'Irish mammy' haircut (I'm in the depths of rural Ireland but travel to my nearest city for my haircuts). I think you need to hunt around until you find a stylist you can have a rapport with, and tell them firmly that you don't want a middle aged cut. I now have a lovely 30-something woman stylist but we get on really well (I'm early 60s), and she's always encouraging me to go a bit funkier with my hair, so all good.

[bluebellation]

marmite, yes I have to keep mine really short. I know when I need it cut when I look in the mirror and see my mother looking back at me!

[HealthyElf]

Yes, marmitelover, I have been fiddling around with it and trying to get a messy kind of look but the shape is just so Lego and it eventually reverts back!

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

the middle-ager
What about asking for it cut short into your neck and sides and longer on the top, sort of falling forward and sweeping to the side? I have thick hair and it tends to mushroom into a frumpy shape when cut into a bob.

[HealthyElf]

Thanks lostit, I do think I need to stop even uttering the word bob when I am in the chair. Even if I say CHOPPY or MESSY in the same sentence I end up with super frump.

[Maverick66]

I feel your pain OP

I am 50.

I have tried many hairdressers all of whom seem to think middle aged mushroom/helmet is the right look for me

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Yes perhaps it's best not to say the word Bob at all. There was a memorable time when I asked for a layered bob and ended up with a fringe that went all round my head .

It might be worth going to a swanky hairdressers and getting the cut you want so that other hairdressers can then follow the cut, IYSWIM.

[FreeWeezy]

I am quite fussy about how I like my hair, sometimes I wish I could cut it myself. I know what you mean about them not listening to what you say.
I am very annoying in the hairdresser's. I take pictures to help me explain. Then when they're finishing up I have a good look and tell them what I want changing. They must find it very frustrating but at that point I don't care! I have explained exactly what I want, with pictures and I'm paying for that hair cut.
It can be a bit awkward if you don't know the hairdresser well but just try and politely say 'oh I'd like it a bit messier/choppier than this. I don't want it to be neat etc..' and try and pinpoint exactly what you want changing. Then when I get a cut I really like I take pictures from every angle and take that to the salon next time :) good luck for your next cut!

[knitknack]

I gave up and DO cut it myself! I watched loads of YouTube vids and gave now not been to a salon for 6 years or so... you do gradually get more and more confident.

I vary between bra-strap and just past shoulders depending on mood, cut layers into the length and shape the front. I'm 44.

I spend my money on beautiful serums and treatments 😄

[knitknack]

(Not a bob, mind you) helpful

[knitknack]

(Big thank you to mumsnet for being awesome)

[busyboysmum]

This thread has made me laugh as I know exactly what you mean.

Only once I found someone who cut it fabulously and it was her last day at that salon before she moved miles away.

Actually the older i get the more it matters.

[EatSpamAmandaLamb]

When I take in a photo of what I want I also take in a photo of what I really don't want (something the same length and vaguely similar but just WRONG), so they get me.

[MooMooTheFirst]

I have a pain in the arse shaped head for a fringe but I don't look right without one. I grew up having shit hair cuts even though actually my hair so quite nice... so when I found The One in my early twenties, I bloody well stuck to him! Even when I moved 70 miles away I would still go back to him for my hair.

However... I've been on maternity leave and last year felt I couldn't justify the £80 on hair and went to someone else instead. She cut and coloured my hair satisfactorily but then justs ort of flicked my fringe and snipped it even though I had explained at length what I wanted. I was miserable for two whole months because that was the waiting list to get back to my normal hairdresser it wasn't worth the £20 I saved.